Are you ready to fight back against that narcissist projection? Then stay tuned to
the end of this video so that you'll find out exactly how to do just that.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung and I have been recognized as one of the best lawyers in America by US
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Let's talk about the narcissist projection. How fun is that? It's so fun when they're
trying to tell, accuse you of what it is that they're doing or accuse you of something,
because they want to take the responsibility off of themselves. That's what projection is.
So basically what it is, is if you are accusing them of being irresponsible, then all of a sudden
you are the irresponsible one or that maybe it's somebody else. They like to project onto
somebody else, too. I used to have a paralegal who worked for me, who often always projected her
irresponsibility onto somebody else. It was always because she was waiting on an email,
because she didn't get the email, because she made a phone call and no one called her back and so it
was always projecting her irresponsibility on to someone else. And I'm not saying that it doesn't
happen sometimes where things don't fall through the cracks or whatever. I'm talking about a way
of life, a way of being of, if somebody says you're crazy, then you become the one that's
crazy. And so they project it back onto you. And why do narcissists do this? They do this
because they have a very fragile sense of self and they really cannot, it's a survival mentality.
They cannot take responsibility for anything that's going to make them look bad in
any way. That's why they don't say, sorry. Anything that's going to take away from
that fragile sense of self in their mind, it just, they're now exposed it shatters and that's it. Now
the world knows how worthless they feel inside. I do view narcissism as a continuum, basically,
all of us want to feel seen, heard, and know that we matter, right?
That's part of being a human being. And all people do things that allow them to feel more valuable.
Even if you're the most altruistic person in the world and all you're doing is helping the poor
or homeless or whatever, you're doing it so that you can feel good so that you know that
your life matters. If you tell people about your accomplishments or things like that,
none of that makes you a narcissist. Okay? What makes you a narcissist is as you go toward the end
of the continuum, and now you're all you care about is yourself, and you have no idea about
anybody else's feelings, nor do you care. Now you're at the end of the continuum. And now it's
sort of a pathological issue where you are a narcissist. And if you are a narcissist, that
means that you have no sense of self. That means that somewhere along the way you were injured in
someway, traumatized in someway hurt in someway. And you came to this conclusion as a child,
that the world is not a safe place. That it's a me or you world. And if it's got to be one of us,
it's got to be me. And so I'm not going to give it anything, anything to you. And so what happens
when they get accused of things is they can't hold that on themselves. So they've got to push it away
and they're going to push it away and push it on to you, or whoever is around them,
whoever they can to push it onto. And sometimes when they're projecting, they actually even lie.
And if you want to know what happens when you catch a narcissist in a lie,
check out my video on what happens, When you catch a narcissist in a lie. But projection
is one of those things that they do to deflect anything away from themselves.
And that's one of the things that happens when a lie as well, which is deflect.
And if you've seen this before, you've been the recipient of a narcissist projection. Give me
a totally in the comments. Okay, so now you're dealing with this projection thing and what can
you do about it? And this especially happens at a time when you're starting to negotiate with them.
Maybe the relationship is starting to break down. You're starting to see
that the birth of that smear campaign. And by the way, if you want to know how to shut down a
narcissist smear campaign, check out my video on, Shutdown the narcissists smear campaign.
But anyway, what happens is, as this is happening to you, you start to feel really,
really defensive. And your first inclination is to fight back. Your first inclination is to go,
that's not me. And what are you saying? And that's you. And you're accusing me of exactly what you
are and fighting back. And what happens at that point is now you're down into it. You're in the
mud. There's nowhere for you to go. And you're exactly where they want you to be by the way.
So the first thing I want you to do when a narcissist is projecting on you is just stop, stop
and observe and listen, and take a breath and go, I know what's happening here and you don't
have to say that out loud, but you can say that to yourself and go, okay, I see what's happening
here. This person is projecting onto me. And if I fight back and if I go any further in this,
it's not going to end well for me. So let me just stop for a second and take a breath.
And that'll give you a moment to get your composure, to get your emotions under control,
to see what's happening and think before you act. That's number one.
The second thing that you can do is keep your emotions in check and not take that bait.
You can just go, okay, I see what you're saying, and I understand that that's your position.
And I see that you're upset. And if you want to know about more phrases
to disarm a narcissist, check out my video on, Phrases to disarm a narcissist.
But in the meantime, you can just take stock of what's going on. See it, don't get emotionally
engaged. I always tell people to just take a look at it as if you're a third party observer,
as if you are a person who's watching what's happening, you don't have any emotion in it.
And so when you take yourself out of that, then they don't have anything to project onto.
It's just not sticking. It's sort of like, just imagine it's sort of coming up against you,
but you're like Teflon, it just falls to the floor and goes away. Okay. So that's the second thing.
And the third thing is for sure, do not fight back. Don't take the bait because if you do that,
you're not going to get anywhere. And you're really, really going to end up making things
worse for yourself. You're going to end up being upset. Let me just tell you this, you are not
going to convince that narcissist that you are right. It ain't going to happen.
So there's no good coming out of this. They're not going to turn around and go,
Oh, you know, I see your point. You're right. I'm so sorry. I was the one who did that to you.
This whole being aware of self and being full enough and whole enough and complete enough to
be able to come forward and take responsibility. That's not going to happen in that moment.
Some narcissists, I suppose, do go and get help, 99.9% of them probably don't. And so don't
expect that that's going to happen in this particular situation either.
So if you are negotiating with a narcissist, which is what I suspect that you are, since you're here,
please grab my free, Crush My Negotiation, Prep Worksheet. It's an ebook, it's a workbook. It is
totally free. And all you have to do to get it as go to winmynegotiation.com, winmynegotiation.com
and it will be all yours for free. Also, if you want to connect with others who
are dealing with narcissists, negotiating with narcissists, to get support, share ideas, help
each other. Join me in my free private Facebook group, Narcissist negotiators with Rebecca Zung.
And if you liked this video, give it a like, share it, drop me a comment.
Say totally if you've seen this and make sure to subscribe and hit that notification bell.
I'm Rebecca Zung. I'm so glad that you stopped by today. And remember,
today is a perfect day to start negotiating your best life. I'll see you in the next video.