Hey look, being feminine isn’t everything…
Hey, it’s Renee here from TheFeminineWoman.com.
One of the difficult things about doing what I do is that sometimes I see women getting
attached to "myopic" ideas that no longer serve them, and especially don't serve the
men that they come into contact with.
I can't blame them, I was there once too.
One of these particular ideas is that feminine energy and "being feminine" is somehow everything.
Why?
Well perhaps in their mind "masculine men are attracted to feminine women."
Well, in one sense, that's true.
But when you really think and detach from the idea - when you zoom out, you see that
there is so much more than just this level of truth.
Here’s what I mean.
There's plenty of feminine women in the world and plenty of masculine men who DON’T find
these feminine women to be appealing, and nor do they find them to be of value in their
lives, OR in a committed relationship.
See, when you get yourself too attached to this particular idea, thinking that it will
solve all of your problems with men, you’ll encounter trouble.
Since I'm the author of the popular blog The Feminine Woman (and have been so since 2009),
of course, I do think being more feminine is great, especially in a world that values
masculine traits like productivity and goal-orientation.
It’s also especially important when many women have now lost touch with their feelings,
their intuition and their sensitivity.
And yet, I know that as women, we can't be feminine all the time and expect that to always
be of value to men.
Here's why: Just because you're feminine, doesn't mean
you actually connect well with men or even know HOW to connect with men.
Just because you believe you're feminine and you lean back, relax, become more sensitive, etc.,
doesn't mean that that is value in this particular moment.
Just because you're "feminine", doesn't mean you haven't gone so far down that rabbit hole
that you’ve become a completely un-attuned, uncalibrated person who is only in it for
herself, and is now unaware of what a man actually needs or wants to feel in this moment.
Just because you're "feminine", doesn't mean you can truly connect with a man in a multifaceted way.
Yes, it’s true, the more feminine you are, the more polarity you probably have with more men.
But that's just one part of the whole story.
If you don't develop healthy masculine parts of yourself, then you have less value to give overall.
Don't get me started on the interesting ideas about what 'feminine' and 'masculine' is these days.
I see people saying it's masculine to initiate, and so we women shouldn't do that thing called
initiating.
The dogma has taken over so much these days that even the air we breathe has to be "feminine".
It was never meant to be a dogma, this whole feminine and masculine idea.
It was meant to be one tool, one framework.
It was meant to be an idea that can solve SPECIFIC relationship problems.
It wasn't meant to be an entire lifestyle.
We weren't supposed to start measuring how feminine the air we breathe is!
Look, just because you want to be feminine doesn't mean you have to lose your whole personality
and sense of aliveness in the process.
Just because you want to be “the feminine one” in a relationship, doesn’t mean you
have to lose your humanness.
So should I never smile at a man first because that would be initiating?
Should I never text him first and wish him a happy birthday on his actual birthday because
god forbid, I'd be "masculine" if I did so?
Look, initiating is not masculine or feminine.
It’s just an action.
People can initiate in many different ways.
Initiating can take value, or add value - and whether it takes value or not depends on how you do it.
A woman who initiates from a place where she feels completely unworthy of love inside will
come across differently than a woman who initiates from a place where she is highly attuned and
free of anxiety.
With that said, It's ok to have masculine parts of you!
I'll give you an example.
For many years my husband tried to get me to practice the very masculine sport of
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, or BJJ.
For 7 years, I just refused.
They call it the "gentle art", but in reality it's still the sport of submission grappling or fighting.
There are nasty joint locks and chokes involved, and I thought I was too feminine for that violent stuff.
However, I eventually made the tough decision to do it (not that I didn't cry before the first lesson).
And now that I've been doing it for a while, I see what beautiful gifts it has given me!
It’s given me not only a positive masculine ability within myself - but it’s given me
more situational awareness, more courage and the ability to defend myself against people
larger than me.
It’s also blessed me with the ability to trust in techniques and tools rather than
just the fear I’m experiencing in my body, or the myriad of emotions I’m experiencing
in my body (which are of course valuable too).
But really - it's given me a feeling of power and the ability to connect with my man
(and other men) on a whole other level - on their level.
At the same time, I certainly don't live in my masculine energy all day long.
But I certainly don't reject it now, either.
Think about it.
Wouldn't it be nice if a man could connect with you on your level?
Wouldn't it be nice if he could understand how you feel instead of trying to solve everything
as if your whole emotional existence is a problem to solve?
Well, it's kind of like that.
You will never be a man if you're a woman - but you most certainly can develop healthy
masculine parts of yourself through learning from healthy masculine role models.
In a healthy relationship with a man, it helps if there's that yin and yang to balance each other out.
However, it also helps to have yin and yang within yourself as a woman.
You'll be pleasantly surprised by how much you can help yourself when you develop parts
of you that you rejected before.
By the way, my man David is in the middle of putting together a brand new DVD.
The title is the 8 traits, the 8 high value traits that men routinely fall in love with.
I'm not sure exactly when it's going to be released, but if you want to secure yourself
a copy for free when it's released, then let me know.
Leave a comment below somewhere and we’ll make sure you get a free copy when it is published.
Ok, that’s all for this video.
I hope you’ve enjoyed it.
You can read the full article over on my blog, and I will leave the link to that in the description below.
That’s all from me.
Have a great day and I’ll talk to you soon.