Hello.
Hi!
- Hi - Hello.
What's your definition of double standards in a relationship?
To me is, like I say, you cannot do this.
But I go and do this.
A girl can do something but a guy cannot do something.
I think so too.
I think out of like five of my friends, four will experience this kind.
Yeah I can relate. No, not me.
- Sorry, not me. - Yeah, how can you relate?
But can see, can see.
Have you encounter any double standards in a relationship?
Last time I got a crazy ex-boyfriend.
He said,
"You cannot go home late at night."
But what is he doing 1 a.m.
outside drinking?
Hello?
He feels at home at the bar.
I have a lot of close guy friends,
so some of my ex-boyfriends were not be very comfortable with it.
But are you comfortable with them having close girlfriends?
Yeah, I'm okay with that.
See, double standards
So, for example, my ex will be like.
"Why do you go out with girls that I don't like?"
Then I replied, "you go out with guys (too)."
(The ex-girlfriend) "No, it's because I know myself."
"But I don't know you."
But then, the same theory can be used against her too.
Correct.
I also know myself.
I also don't know her (intentions),
I don't know what she was thinking.
Yeah. So that's the double standards.
Actually this is quite common.
Today I'll be giving you certain scenarios in a relationship.
You'll be answering yes or no at the same time,
whether you are okay with that scenario.
Your partner peels a shrimp for a friend (a member of the opposite sex)
during a friend's dinner gathering.
Three, two, one.
- Can la, why cannot? - Yeah
- Peel shrimp only what, it meant for food. - It's just a shrimp!
It's peel the shrimp, not peel the heart right?
Yeah wow.
Peels the layers to my heart.
Okay la.
Okay what.
It's a good thing.
I don't need to peel prawn.
Not my business anymore.
For me, my love language is act of service,
so peeling prawn is a very big thing (to me).
But it's fine, because I also understand that peeling prawn is a chore.
So if he wants to peel prawns for his female friend, it's fine.
But he just need to peel a bit more for me.
- Yes. - No.
Oh my god, why?
Let's say.
For example, if I go out and eat with my girlfriend.
Then I say, "can peel prawns for me?"
- And she said, "I don't want, it's troublesome." - Yeah.
Suddenly tomorrow,
she meets another guy.
and she peels prawn for that guy.
Then it's a no.
But if she is a generic...
Generic peeler.
- Generic peeler? - Yeah
Like she peels prawn for everyone.
Then it is a yes.
Of course I wouldn't (be unreasonable)...
If you know what I mean.
So this situation is half yes half no.
I think if they peel the shrimps, it's just out of kindness.
I think it's normal that people doesn't know how to peel shrimps.
- Yeah exactly. - Then just do it.
Never mind. Yeah.
Or if one person already used their hands, might as well just use the same hands.
So only wash one pair of hands.
Correct!
Save water.
Yeah, that's right.
So that means, if another guy peels shrimp for your girlfriend, it's okay?
- It's fine. - Do it!
She gets to eat and that's okay.
- Then I don't have to peel shrimps. - Correct!
It's a win for you!
This is a good question by the way...
I'm suddenly think a lot of scenarios.
Yeah.
I need to prevent you know.
- Your partner should have an automatic response. - Yeah.
Your boyfriend should be like, "It's okay, she will peel for me."
Actually you never agree to it,
but you will be like, "Yes I know, I peel for you."
I never see you (the friend) peel for me.
Nevermind. If you want (to peel for her), can peel for me la.
Together la.
We come in one package.
The guy and girl is one package.
If you want to peel for her, you also have to peel for me hor.
You don't want (to peel for both of us), then don't peel la.
I go and peel even more prawns.
Then suddenly it becomes a competition (of who peel more).
Your partner helps his or her friend (of the preferred gender) to zip up their hoodie when the zip is stuck.
Like stuck where?
Hoodie can stuck where?
This guy has a lot of problems.
- No! - That one is okay
Why?
Why no?
Is it she's naked?
No right?
- No la! - She's not naked ma?
She better not be.
The analogy is that someone wearing the...
- The romper that kind? - Yeah
Like you cannot reach the zipper kind.
In the same way, will I be okay If I was doing that (zipping up) for somebody else.
Sure.
If it's just a hoodie, then it's okay.
Is it like the other person asked (for help to zip)?
Or is it like,
Hey, you never zip up (your hoodie), I zip it up for you.
That is a bit weird.
- Ask is also very weird, just do it yourself. - No.
Imagine her hands are full,
And my boyfriend happened to be there.
Then my boyfriend is like, "Okay la, just zip up."
Actually I'm okay with it.
If the guy is gay, then I'm okay with it.
Straight man don't trust other straight man.
It's very hard to say (explain).
Where are you?
You are in Singapore.
Are you going to freeze to death?
No.
Do you really need to zip up in order to survive?
No.
No questions.
Let say, you really want the hoodie to be zipped and wear it.
I tell you.
You take out (the hoodie) first, you pass to the person.
The person can zip for you first,
Then you wear the hoodie from the bottom like a shirt.
If not, you can just go buy a blanket.
Do you really need to zip up?
When you're carrying stuff, can't you put it down?
You desperately want to carry stuff and zip up at the same time?
And just nice, it's the...
The handsome guy or whatever to be there coincidentally.
I'm not there.
But why I said yes, it's because three years ago, you can watch the SG Try video,
I will just say,
NO.
If my girlfriend go and help to zip up, then I think it's okay.
Okay.
I'm done, the zip is not stuck anymore.
Then you continue to do your thing.
Then what if your partner is the receiving end?
This one is a straight no.
Do you know why?
To zip up that person's hoodie,
You need to go here (to zip up).
You need to go so close (to the chest).
Even if your face are not close to it, your hands are.
Then the zip starts from where?
The zip don't start from here,
It starts from here
Your boyfriend lends his female friend his hoodie because she's cold.
And for you (guys)is, your girlfriend is cold and a male friend
Lend her his jacket because you don't have one.
Okay, three, two, one.
Okay la.
- If she's cold, then she can just take it. - Yeah.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Thanks, bro,
I'm okay.
To me, it's just like a piece of clothing.
If she is cold,
He just being considerate and kind.
And he lends her, it's fine one.
If the guy is nice, then it's okay la.
Yeah.
Yes!
See, we told you already that we are reasonable one.
For my case,
Because I don't have (the jacket), so I'm the failure.
I failed her.
So I need to wake up my idea.
Do you get what I mean?
If you go out in a group of friends or whatever,
She's like, "I cannot take the cold".
But oh no, I don't have jacket.
And then the other guy friend said, "don't worry, I have jacket to lend you."
Yeah.
Okay.
Thanks brother!
Oh no, I screwed up.
For me, I'm also okay because,
A girl is maybe freezing cold right?
Then my boyfriend lends her (jacket) so she will not suffer.
I think he's a great guy.
It's not just to me, it's also to other people.
Let say, this girl also has the ill intention to be flirty,
Never mind I don't care
it's just a sweater, it won't ruin my relationship.
Your boyfriend already lent the jacket to your other female friend,
then when you get back the jacket,
It smells like another girl, will you be offended by it.
I don't mind.
If it smells like her, it means she wear a very good perfume!
- Wait, this... - Wait!
It's either the guy soak his jacket in perfume,
or he didn't shower.
- That's why he's damn smelly. - Yeah!
Why will the girlfriend smell like the guy?
You think she wear it to sleep?
Then she...
No la.
Even if I hug my girlfriend and sleep for one night,
- She won't smell like me - Yeah!
It's not that easy.
This producer ah...
You really can be next Neflix writer.
Assuming both of you lives together, your partner invite his or her friends over including opposite sex friends.
One of them (opposite sex) says he/she is perspiring and would like to borrow your perfume because they said that they smelled bad.
Your partner lends them some of your perfume and only tells you after you returned home.
One, two, three.
Definitely no!
- Yes. - No.
- Finally we have different answers. - You cannot?
I have guest perfume and my perfume.
But my guest perfume is the ones I buy already, in the end I don't like it
So I put it aside for guests to use it.
But, if you let her use my Jo Malone,
Excuse me, it's gonna be $5 per spray, okay?
I think I'll be okay, because I think it's like a possessive thing all over again.
The thing about the sense is that, we can spray the same perfume,
But we will smell different.
I will be okay if I am okay with the girl.
But right!
I don't like that girl and he knows I don't like that girl
Then I'll be like,
No!
- No! - Just tell her that we don't have perfumes.
We ran out of perfumes.
Just let her smell la.
If your partner really know you well,
And they know that you love this perfume or this cologne,
Why they go and give to other people?
Exactly.
- Why they wait until you come home? - Yeah!
- Why does she want the other guy to smell like you? - Yeah.
- Actually... - That's even worse,
Is it that you cannot give me a quick text?
Or call?
Erm he say he wants to use your perfume...
Can use?
Oh go ahead.
You let me know.
You cannot do already then let me know.
It's like,
You go to NTUC, you get the drink and only pays after you drank it.
But to me, that is fine.
Instead, if my partner calls or text me and they told the other person,
"Wait, I have to ask Charmaine first.
It will make me look very stingy, you know?
That's also true, I think it's because...
It is a guy's and girl's different perspective.
So, when the girl says no to the other girl, it's a bit stingy.
Yeah, for a girl, it's a bit stingy.
For a guy, because it's my personal things, the girl should ask first.
But I just want to let you know that if you are smelly and you spray perfume right,
- It's even smellier. - Correct.
Not a good idea.
Yeah, so just use their shower room.
EHHHH!
THEN WHAT?
USE MY TOWEL?
See, I told you already that we are reasonable one.
Your partner goes on a trip and buys you a souvenir back for you,
but also buys one for his or her friend of the opposite sex.
But his or her friend's souvenir is more expensive than yours.
One, two, three.
So I always said that I'm very low maintenance person.
Like you go overseas, you...
Hafeez went Melbourne recently right?
He brought back a keychain that says, Brendan.
Because there's no keychain for Mandon.
And then he bought for Jerald, Jared.
And it's really a small keychain.
- I think when it comes to gifts, to me the love language is gift right? - It's the thought that counts.
It is really the thought and the intention behind it.
Usually monetary value...
kind of means a bit of significance.
It will factor in your decision making.
If his souvenir is $1000 and mine is $50,
then I'm like, "yo...what's up?"
Actually, I kind of agree with that.
I think it's according to how much (is the souvenir).
Last time ah...
During my birthday when I was in secondary school, my ex-boyfriend...
He bought me 3 for $10 socks.
Nevermind. I appreciate it, I like socks.
He went to buy a gift for another girl who's not close to him,
Perfume!
Crazy is it?
3 for $10 socks for me and you buy this random girl perfume?
It's just because she's a bit crazy.
In the end, they also ended up together.
They were cheating!
ON ME!
See it's suspicious, that's why no!
That's why no.
Oh my god.
If you're watching this, you better censor the name.
To this particular ex, honestly,
(Bless you.)
(Bless the girl too.)
She used to be my friend too.
(Bless her too.)
Your partner buy jewelry for a friend of a preferred gender during their birthday,
Mid tier is $100.
Because they have mentioned that it's on their birthday wish list.
Buy la.
I don't expect my girlfriend to be angry about that.
- Because it's just a gift. - Yeah.
It's for a friend!
Come on and relax.
Mid tier? Mid tier is considered how much?
(PD) $100
- Mei you la (Cannot be) - Couple of hundred dollars?
Hundreds, not one hundred la?
One hundred is considered low tier.
Not low tier, but it's more like entry level.
To me right, $100-$200 is mid tier.
But Amanda put here $80 to $100.
Amanda has no taste one.
Solo (gift) no go, maybe.
Must be a group gift.
Actually no matter the price (of the gift.)
The idea of jewellery is already quite intimate.
- Quite a romantic gesture. - That's true.
It's... I don't like it.
I kind of agree with that unless it is like those plastic kinds.
Like friendship bracelet, then it's okay for you to spend.
Yes.
- See, told yall... - Wow... Sorry sorry.
- We are reasonable. - Yeah!
Because it's your close friend and then, you usually buy gifts for the person,
If it's usually around that budget, it's fine.
For example, today you don't earn much.
And you bought a $2,000 gift.
Then it's like,
You don't even buy $2,000 gift for me, and you go buy for him?
I'm okay if you buy a gift slightly more expensive for that person.
But if you don't do that regularly to me and you do it for him, then I feel that something is wrong with that.
You anyhow give a stranger a ring for what?
You know what they say right?
"If you like it, then you should put ring on it."
That means you like her la!
Yeah, the only ring you can give is an onion ring.
Some more it is a wishlist right?
Got other things (on the list).
No need to buy this one.
Carry on wishing.
(PD) What if your partner is the one receiving the jewelry?
Then struck gold la!
Very good!
- It's a good thing! - Yeah man!
- Sure, take la. It's free. Not happy then sell it. - Then take it. Yeah!
I also agree.
If some sugar mommy says to my boyfriend,
"You want it (jewelry) or not?"
I say go! You take the money.
- Yes - Take the jewelry, just take it.
Never mind. We can sell if you don't want.
It's different.
Yeah.
Receiving a gift is very different from just gifting it.
- Correct. - So, just take it!
This is the end of the questions.
So based on your answers to the whole question right,
Both of you do have some disagreement,
Some say yes, some say no right?
Do you think that this is an example of double standards in a relationship?
I think based on the questions, don't have.
The questions are relatively more tame.
So imagine if it's like...
Your boyfriend wants to go club with his friends, but all girls.
And you know that some of the girls like him.
- Or for me in the same way. - Yeah.
That kind, I would have double standards.
I'll be like, guy can go club of course.
Definitely there are, sometimes in certain situations...
But like for relationship,
I think it really depends on how much you trust this person and stuff.
Because if that trust is there, I don't think this...
It's also not just trust, it is also...
Communication.
Communication. Yeah.
Then you won't have this kind of double standards, you must be both agreeable on it.
No, I don't think that we have double standards.
In fact right, this has further proven that we have no double standards.
- Because a lot of things has reasoning and thinking. - True.
We will discuss (with our partners), we are very reasonable people.
So tell us producer, do you think that we are unreasonable?
(PD) It's okay, some parts are a bit unreasonable.
Where got unreasonable?
- You say now! - Which parts are not reasonable!?
WHICH PARTS?
See, I told you already that we are reasonable one.
As long as the couple feels that it's fair, then it's okay.
Even if there's a double standards, if they are okay then it's okay.
- Who are we to say? - Yeah!
Yeah, you do you!
Cannot be, Robin from TSL say cannot means cannot right?
You better watch this video.
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