*neck snaps*
Owwww
*pained laugh* Owww
Owww!
*offended* Owwww!
Matt, isolate the sound of my neck snapping. Holy shit!
*neck snaps*
Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier, and welcome to Hot Date.
Now I may have just broken my neck in twain (in twain means in half),
but that's not gonna stop me from having a spicy, saucy date.
And the date's going to be with...
this adorable pup!
because this is a speed dating game, and if that makes sense,
then wow, you're weird and smarter than me am.
"Hey hey hey! Nice to meet ya."
Yo- oh, "My name's Petunia. You are?"
Umm
Markiplier
"Markiplier? Pshh. Did your mom give you that name??"
Well, in fact, no! I di- I gave it to myself
because I'm bizarre like that.
Nice to meet you
You look lo~vely
Oh no, yo. YO!
"Oh god. Are you cool? I'm tragically uncool."
Well I'm glad we've sorted this out.
I am in fact cool
All the kids on the school yard say I'm hippin' and hoppin'n
I don't know, uh I really don't know.
"Oh. I thought you would. You seem like you would. Are you sure you don't?"
Wha- god no- I don't know.
"Are you hiding something from me Markiplier??"
Aaaah, it's calling me out by name!
I don't know!
Are do would ha- oh
Are do would have-
Oooohh ok
"Do you have a happy place?" *while laughing* And can I see it?
"I was once given the name 'Joyless Husk'"?
"I'm pretty sure this was a friendly jest."
"Bants. A play-" oouh
"Anywhere is my happy place."
"Right here"
With me?
"Here with-" Here with me!
OOH
"If you're happy and in a place, then that's that."
Oh my god!
Words of wisdom on a speed date
Oh my god, I'm falling in love already
Oh, man.
What are you afraid of, let's just get deep in here.
What are you afraid of?
"I'm not afraid of anything. Except boa constrictors, obviously."
"That kinda goes without saying."
Yea that seems, pretty sensible.
"What are you afraid of Markiplier?"
Do I get to type here?
Um
I don't know, what am I afraid of?
What AM I afraid of?
SHARKS
NO, THE OCEAN.
FUCK THE OCEAN!
"Aren't we all a little afraid of the ocean.."
I would completely agree!
The ocean is a place of death! and no one should be there.
Are... you a fan of... Markiplier? no.
Are you a flan of-
Are you a fan of Lil Jon?
Are you a fan of snow?
"Can't get enough of it."
Yeah?
"I usually keep some in the freezer for special occasions."
Well that's a little weird.
I'm not- Ok..
Would you like to see my collection of...
*while laughing* denim jackets? stamps? newts?
or 90s R'N'B?
Would you like to see my collection of denim jackets?
I'm very weird
"Ughh." *chuckles*
"No" *laughs*
"How could you ask me that?"
You're right
I'm weird.
"Why would you think that's okay?"
"We're not at the level of denim in jacket form yet, sunshine."
Awww
Come on! It'll- oof
Ooo
It'll be a barrel of Lols. Don't be such a square.
Don't be such a square, man
"As much as I love what you're proposing,"
"And as much as I love e-" *bell rings* WOAh
NO!
Saved by the bell??
I had a great time!
Let's meet up again?
"Mm-hmm."
No?
Awwww
No! Oh.
You look very similar to the dog that I was just on a date with before..
My name is..
Your name's Petunia? My name is
Markiplier *laughs*
I was gonna come up with a flower pun, but I didn't wanna-
I j- I ju- Again, it's
*exasperated sigh*
Alright, fine. Uh-oh
"You've got some nerve! If I wasn't a pacifist, you'd be entering a world of pain, Markiplier."
Well, Jesus!
This is- this is getting bizarre.
What do you do for work?
"Oh you know. A bit of this, a bit of that"
"A bit of carpentry"
Oh Okay
Oh
What annoys you?
Besides me.
"I'm annoyed by a great many things. The wind,"
"Markipliers." AW FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU MAN!
FUCK YOU
This is bullshit
I liked the other dog I forget the name of..
This is BULLshit
*sniffles* I'm pissed.
*sniffles* I just want love
*whines*
Have you always been that height?
"Do you reckon I'm too... tall?"
ugh
"I've heard it a lot before."
I don't know
"Go on, be honest. I'm a sasquatch aren't I?"
Well..
You're, you're a big 'un. You're, you're a big 'un.
*while laughing* You look like a squashed little mogwai face
You're a big 'un
"Thought so."
Yea.
"*sigh*"
Yea, you better be lucky-
"Destined for-" WOAH
I thought we were talking about tall, not big.
Ok, anyway.
Are
you having a nice time?
Probably not.
"I dunno, kid."
Oh, I'm a kid now, am I?
Oh geez, it's just gonna be a zingy one liner with me.
Are you familiar with...
Oh, the economic im- woah god
The geto b- the work of Marie Curie?
How bout the economic implications of bitcoin?
"Oh. For a second there I thought you were cool. I really don't care about bit-" Oh, geez.
Goddamnit this date is going much worse than the last one.
And the last one, they didn't even wanna get my number!
Have you ever ran a half marathon, I don't know
Oh, FUCK YOU MAN, I'm just tryna be hip!
*whines like a child*
I'm tryna be hip
Have you ever been to..
Haaackney?
"Here-" Heretic?
"I'm allergic to hipsters"
What's in Hackney??
I don't know what Hackney is!
I'm trying! Would you like to hear a joke?
My life
*sobs*
*more sobbing*
"Okay.."
*sniffles*
Do I get to pick? Why can't the potat- oh geez.
*Markiplier mating call*
What do you call an alligator in a ve- nah fuck that one.
What do you call a big pile of kittens?
"Please, rid me of the burden of not knowing."
A- a meow- a meowtin
Oh ho I get it, a meowtin.
Thank you
Thank you so much
You should write it down, it's good.
*while laughing* It's good
Are you- *bell rings* aw Jesus
Aw come on
Let's meet up again!
"Yep. Bye-" OH!
Why did THAT one work?
George?
"Let's make this quick."
My name is-
Beau- Beauty
Beauty Mc
Beauty McFuck
Beauty McFuckyou
Beauty McFuckyouface.
Oh- oh that has weird condictation (I think he meant connotation?)
"That's cute! Hey Beauty McFuckyouface."
Okay
*sniffles* Oh you look lovely.
"Thanks! You look... um-" Aw fuck you
*softly* Fuck you
*even softer* fuck you
Where'd you go to school?
"I'm still at school. Wait, how old are you?"
Waaay too old. 26.
Euh?
"Me too! How perfect."
Oh my god!
We're destined for each other!
Ooh "The stars are aligning on this blessed day"
Why do you look so bored when you were saying that?
Do..
You ha- you believe in..
A thing called love?
"Damn straight. Don't you? Surely you agree with me."
Yeah. I'm feelin' it right now.
*while laughing* Shameful stare
"Stop oppressing me with your narrow perspective, heathen."
Aww, I'm sorry. Fuck off, you
Are you someone who likes to...
complain excessively?
douchesnozzle
"I'm more of a feelings-bottler."
Oh, me too.
"I prefer to just eat my feelings."
Yup.
The cereal and pasta for me
I think you have some problems bruh
"I think so too."
Well, I'm glad we agree.
*weird grunts of disagreement* Nahp,
I don't- I don't have any problems.
*mutters*
Would you live in... space?
This is a very important question.
"I did for eleven years! Or was that a dream..."
I don't knoow
I d- I don- I don't know
Would you ever travel back in time?
"Never back. Only forward."
"The past holds only things that have already happened."
"The future, those that have not."
Oh!
Damn.
Deep.
"For real, brother."
Well, alright.
Weird to call your date 'brother', but I'm okay with that.
What is your ideal...
starting pokemon *laughs*
"I've always gone for Squirtle."
There are a lot of questions, and the questions change, did you notice that?
"Wait can you pick that one at the start."
Wait no.
Screw you and screw Professor Oak.
That's exactly what I feel!
Screw you, and screw Professor Oak.
Nah, it's ok.
I'm alright.
"Have some respect." I should, I-I apologize.
What would your superpower be?
"You lame-o." Oh come on
What?
It's a perfectly valid question.
"Like it isn't already perfectly clear."
It's not!
"I'm a shape-shifting, snappily-dressed crime-crusher with two sidekicks, all the way."
Oh, okay
You're a weirdo.
You havin' a nice time?
"Well durr."
Are..
you a fan of...
poetry
"Oh for a second ther-" GODDAMNIT
"*through tears* Don't talk to me about the poetic written word."?
Oh geez
Are you someone that likes to go to the park?
Oh the c- *bell rings* OH FUCK OFF, MAN, I'M TRYING HERE
I had a great time, I guess. "Ew. Gro-"
AW FUCK YOU, MAN
Alright, I'm not doin' this again, but you guys can play this game, I found it on itchi.io
I can't remember if it costs any(??) money (speak more clearly Mark pls)
but there's a lot of different things going on here, so
Thank you, everybody, so much for watching
Lemme know if you enjoyed this one, I had a lot of fun with it, this is a really cool game so,
I'll put a link in the description below, so
Thanks again,
And as always, I will see you,
In the next video.
Buh-Bye!