- Hi, I'm Dana. Welcome to this week's video.
I need to share with you today,
my very favorite quote about toddlers.
That is,
"They are like little night watchmen.
"They go around checking all of the doors,
"but they don't wanna really find any that open."
And that is the heart of a toddler.
That's what they do, they are like little night watchmen.
They check the doors, they test boundaries.
They push, right?
They test you periodically to see
are these doors gonna open? Nope?
Okay good, proceed.
And then on they go.
And they just do this in little
little ways kinda everywhere.
Around sleep, around playtime,
around interaction with other kids, around food,
you name it, this is what they're doing.
They're testing all of the doors.
And what's hard as a parent is that if we're tired,
or just feeling a little bit distracted
we can let these doors open.
And sometimes we just let them open a little crack,
but that's enough, right?
Now this toddler sees,
"Oh that door opened a crack.
"I'm gonna keep pushing at that door
"and see how far this door will open
"if I keep pushing on it."
And where this tends to show up is at bedtime.
And they're so clever and subtle about this.
I often think of them as like mice nibbling cheese.
They just take a little bite, a little bite, a little bite.
But here's what might happen,
so let's say for years you've been doing
two stories at bedtime, that's been your rule.
And tonight, out of the blue she asks for three.
And you're kinda tired, you don't feel like
having to fight about it, and you go,
"Okay, we'll have a third one."
Maybe those two were short so you think,
"Oh what the heck, let's have a third."
Well guess what, the door just opened a crack. It did.
Now the next night, she's gonna ask for maybe another story.
And if you say, "No we only read two stories."
Well that's not true, 'cause last night you read three.
So she might have a little bit of a fit
around the fact that you now won't let her have third story,
but she might ask for it in a different way.
"Well, I'd like to bring in another stuffy
"to be with me tonight."
And you go, "Oh okay, whatever, go for it.
"Bring another stuffy."
Oops, door just opened a little bit more.
Now she's gonna try for something new,
"Well what if we leave the door open tonight?" Or,
"How about we leave the light on?" Or,
"How about extra kisses?" Or, "How about I have a snack?"
Or, "How about I go see what Dad is doing?"
And she's just gonna keep pushing and pushing and pushing
until your bedtime routine is taking an hour and a half
and she's got six hundred babies in bed with her
and the lights are on and doors open.
And you wonder to yourself,
"Oh my goodness, how did we get here."
And if we dial it back, that's exactly how you got there.
So I just want you to keep that in mind
when you're dealing with a toddler.
That they're very black and white.
There's not a lot of room for gray in their little mind.
And so you have to make sure that your rules,
especially around bedtime stay solid.
That there's never, doesn't matter if you don't think
it's a big deal, or you think to yourself,
"Oh well, go ahead." Or "Whatever, go ahead."
Any time you hear yourself saying that,
you need to stop, you need to correct it.
You need to make sure that you go back to
if the door's open this much, it's only ever
always open this much, never more never less.
It's only two stories every night,
it's only one baby in bed with you.
These are the rules that have to stay the same
because then when she tests she realize,
"Oh the door is still locked."
And she'll go back to cooperating well
in your bedtime routine.
Thanks so much for watching today, sleep well.