helena you look beautiful you're
absolutely absolutely gorgeous and uh
you look uh beautiful as well
simon quick question you look pretty
good yourself thank you pretty good
that's not bad for you
uh you look a little bit tired but okay
tired
i'm aging like carter in the presidency
well
thank you would you say i'm aging so
well yeah what a nice thing to say
i'm just i love it uh you look
suspiciously younger
i do yeah i should have work done
i would like to have work done what
would you have done if
you were me what should i have done
should i be how do we go uh let's say i
had
six six let's say i had six months off
could i have my forehead for me to help
you here
all right we'll we'll talk about your
show first but in the commercial break
i'd like to hear about um radical
surgeries okay
simon i've always contended you're a
genius but now you've taken it to new
heights
you were thought of a job where you're
flanked by three women
all day yes very attractive women was
this your idea did you come up with this
of course
yeah what a great you know i i had a
show and i love
andy but i didn't say andy plus three
beautiful women which i could have said
andy's andy's pretty cute but i think
i've done better
um who is the biggest diva between the
two of you him for sure
forget it i mean he he takes
hours to get ready and we are the three
girls i mean demi
kelly and i were waiting and waiting of
course we need to wait for simon as our
boss
but then he doesn't get on time what are
you
wearing jeans and a t-shirt what are you
what are they doing is it special oils
are being applied
i do sometimes have a massage before the
show yeah
massage yeah beforehand we say massage
here in this country
and i said and i said
i'll take my sake before i'll have a
message yeah i have what's known as a
four-hander
[Applause]
i think this table's here
paulina there seems like there's an
occasional uh i can imagine there'd be
hostility
against simon in the workplace i've been
with him for five minutes and i want to
beat him senseless
but paulina is this true you had a
birthday and
your one of your uh one of the
festivities was hitting a pinata with
simon's face on it i believe we have the
picture
oh my god i love that pinata that's the
most amazing pinata
ever and then just just to see
demi killing that pinata like
nothing a lot of rage came out right
when you were not many people
after they knocked the pinata down
screamed die pinata died
and then we started jumping and eating
the pinata like
like yeah it's not simon yeah how do you
do it simon you get people so angry so
i don't know you have no idea they were
very mean to me in fact one day they
played a trick on me because they
they were serving me lunch during you
know one of the breaks in the auditions
and they said it was fried chicken
and it turned out to be balls a balls
testicles what you don't know the
difference between fried chicken and a
bull's testicles
i would be very suspicious they went
here's your fried chicken
they weren't just like two balls on a
plate i mean they were kind of flattened
out
covered in oh they had the decency to
flatten them out wait a minute i mean
they did that after the ball was gone i
come to the set
fresh a little bit late and then he says
paulina come you need to try these
things they're
special for us they just send them in
denver you need to try them before we
hit the sad i said okay what is it what
is it
then i bite the balls of the bull and he
and it was anyone tuning in right now
nobody told me
anyone who just turned on the tv just
saw you say i simon said it was okay so
i
bit the balls of the ball he is all the
time so
charming and i said coming from him i
need to try them but i didn't swallow
them so
and he did
[Applause]
isn't it
[Applause]
we're going to make an attempt to clean
this show up