Vicki, why is family dinnertime important? -You know, I think that deserves
a whole video. -I agree. -Family dinner. What is the importance of family dinner, right?
-Well you get to eat. -That is definitely one of them. You know, there's a lot of
research that shows that one of the most important things to do is to be at the
crossroads of your children. Meaning when they're coming and going in and out of
the house. family dinner ends up kind of being a filler for those crossroads at
times. especially if you can't be there at the time like when the kids are
coming home school or whatever. -Even if you can family dinner still is really
great. A couple of reasons. We've got several reasons there is some
research that shows that those families that have consistent family dinners,
there's an increase in the child's grades when they eat family dinner.
They've shown some... -It improves their grades? -Well, there's correlation at least
with kids who have it. -Right, right. -There's also a reduced risk of drug
abuse when they have consistent family dinners. -Maybe I can say weird about
correlation. -Okay. -Correlation is not causation. In other words, we can't
say that having dinner together as a family causes your children's grades to
go up. Or it causes a reduction in addiction or substance abuse. But it is
correlated. And I think that that's because when you make the effort to come
together as a family and you're connecting and you're having those
conversations, you're increasing... -It increases the conversation. -And the
communication effectiveness within the family. Those kinds of things all
contribute to the measures that we're talking about here. Family dinner is a
place that can facilitate that. And interestingly, when we're eating, it
changes our brain chemistry. -Because you're getting endorphins from the food.
-Yes. And whatever it is that changes in our brains. We'll have different
interactions over a meal then we would say if we were to just set up a bunch of
chairs and have group therapy together. It changes the dynamic
and the energy. -Now, let me just give you a little word. It doesn't really matter
what the food is, okay? When we were first married, I was not much of a cook. I have
an older sister that is an amazing cook. And so, I kind of shied away from the
cooking because she was so good at it, I didn't need to learn. So... we had some
pretty bad experiences at first with the cooking. But... So, it doesn't really have to
be that you're a really great cook. What it does... What you do want to provide is
tying together and presence. Being present. -Right. -And I might add with that
putting away technology at the table. -Yes. Be present. Be here and now. Not connected
to your social media feed. Not texting someone who's not at the dinner table. Be
present with the people who are there. Good point.
Vicki I was... I was kind of joking at the beginning. Well I said, "Well it's about
getting to eat, right?" You have to eat. So, what we're saying is create an
opportunity around something that you're going to do anyway. And use that as a way
to unify the family. You said that it's not about the food. You're actually a
really great cook. But that hasn't always been true. I remember a time. Do you
remember the first butternut squash that we ate? I probably shouldn't tell anyone, yeah?
-Let's just say I had a few things to learn about what had occurred.
-It's... And I've had my adventures too. I've created some things you would not want
to share with your enemies in terms of the... It's not about the food. I still
remember... Remember we were watching a movie The Blind Side with Sandra Bullock?
Fun little show. But the family was coming together for dinner and the dad
said to the kids, "Okay, everybody. Make sure you thank mom
for going down to the store and buying dinner." She didn't even make it. And
that's cool. that is totally cool. If you're doing takeout, that's fine. -Just
make sure you have a time together. -It's not about the food. It's about the coming
together as a family. -You know, I heard a really great thing
about family dinners is a place to talk about... You know, a lot of people like, "What
did you learn today? What did you do with in class today?"
And I that can kind of put people on the
spot sometimes. In a book that I read for my schooling it said that, one of the
great questions about to talk about at the table is what didn't go so well
today. What failures did you have? -Wait,l you can
talk about that? -And that's the great thing is you can have an
opportunity in a place to really open up and talk about things that didn't go so
well. It takes kind of the sting and the scare
out of mistakes and failures. And you know, it really is important to help
children to understand that failures are actually a step along the path to
success. And this is a great way to talk about it. _I love the way you just said
that. Failure is a step along the path to success. I've been running my podcast
Live On Purpose radio since 2007. That's before podcasting was even a thing. And
I've interviewed authors and successful people and speakers and people who have
a message. And this is the most consistent thing that I've seen over all
those years. Failure is part of the process.
Get used to it. So you're saying bring that into the family dinner culture... -To
talk about those things that didn't go as well as you wish they would have. -And
as everybody is sharing that, you see, "Oh, I'm not so weird that I blew it." -Right.
"That I had that failure even if we want to call it that. It's just another step
in my path to success." -Right. And probably one of the last things we'll have
mentioned about family dinners is the consistency. You know, everybody's with
social media is such a big thing. A lot of people want it to be Pinterest worthy.
You know, a big picture. -Yeah. -And I guarantee especially if you have some
teenagers, there are going to be some days where there is no conversation. It is
really hard sometimes to get teenagers to speak to you. I find that but just
be consistent. Be consistent to
constantly offer them the opportunity to be with you and to be present with you
for at least one chunk of the day. -That is more important than having the
perfect spread on the table. Something that you could post in your social media
would make the cover of Better Homes and Gardens. Not what we're after. -Right.
-Consistency. We have dinner together as a family.
Vicki, you and I were both fortunate enough to grow up in homes where that
was the culture. Where we come together as a family, we have dinner. And those
conversations will naturally unfold as you establish the consistency in that
pattern. And it becomes part of your family culture. And most importantly,
connection will unfold. -Creating a healthy positive family culture is one
of the most important things you can do as a parent. There's other resources
available to you. If you haven't checked out the parenting power-up yet, please
join us at parentingpowerup.com where you'll get all kinds of resources. We've
got your back.