Some of us had been threatening our friend Colby
Some of us had been threatening our friend Colby for a long time because of the way he'd been behaving
It was fall and we were on 12th grade edging to finish.
For the lazy days we couldn't stop thinking about college applications and telling of visits the soup kitchen
or the horse stables or whatever we did to seem acceptable.
It felt good to me to talk about Colby and not about school work or
who's dad paid for alma mater's library.
And it wasn't random at all. Colby had been on the backs of our minds for a while now.
I don't know, our family invited him out to ski twice and we put letters in bottles together when we're kids.
He's all of our dear friend that's why we brought this up.
Precisely. He belongs to us in each and various important senses so it's really on us to take care of this.
Alright. Fine.
Yes, we agree?
Yeah
He's gone too far
Who put Lucy on cocktails?
I did. Though it would be easiest.
Hey
And we put you on it too to make sure she's not fucking it up.
Serve white Russians or something
Is my tongue blue?
Yeah
How blue?
Blue
I told you he wanted something befitting this season.
Round ice-cube, you know that sort of thing.
I think she gets it. Her cousin has a gin bar in the city or some shit.
I've been waiting for a good party all year long.
Especially after Carlton's was such a bust.
What a waste of a perfectly good afternoon.
The cake was good though, you know.
Carrot cream cheese frosting.
I'm gonna get a new dress on Sunday.
How's the music coming along?
Fine
You know you might be a size bigger by the party with all the
You wouldn't want to buy a new dress with your grandma's money for nothing.
I've been purging
Paz
What are you reading?
Moby Dick
That's long
And hard
Yeah, actually, I'm quite enjoying it.
I was making a dick joke.
I know
I like how he describes the different parts of the whale
I think I would made a good whaler if I was born in the different time.
Maybe we should serve whale at the party. Say it's chicken
No, my mom would vomit she's allergic to everything.
Hi
We could serve Mexican dick at the party. She doesn't seem to be allergic to that.
And gin, our cousin has a gin bar in the city so he said he'd give as a discount
Fine
He is also surprisingly hot for a cousin.
Great
Thank you
Who's in charge of music?
I am
But, I'm afraid, I haven't had a chance to talk to Colby and I really did want his input as you said.
Are you fucking kidding me?
It's been a really stressful week. My hamster died and I'm on this diet where can only eat lemon rinds and
I just constantly feel like I'm going to...
Oh my God, fine. Colby
What kind of music would you like?
It's a hard questions. I have to think about it.
Think about it
I've always been a fan of the Ives's Fourth Symphony.
St.Ives? Like the cold cream?
Are you actually retarded?
This is an obvious delay tactic.
Excuse me
Everybody knows that Ives's almost impossible to perform it would involve weeks of rehearsals.
It's true
Plus the size of the orchestra and chorus would put us way over the music budget.
You know, I wasn't trying to, like...
We're simply asking you, you should be reasonable, Colby.
Given the circumstances, maybe, something for quartet.
I'l try to think of something soon.
Good
Who's in charge of invites?
I am
They're gonna be on a very soft paper and cream.
Colby, would you like to feel them?
I'm good, thanks.
It's very soft
He said he's fine.
Boys don't care about that kind of thing
My chief concern is, actually, what it's going to say.
At this stage the authorities, they can get their hands on anything.
That's a good point.
We have to have it so that the person being invited cannot know for sure exactly what he or
she was being invited to.
Like that Halloween party Dawn had in eighth grade.
The one where we had to play that game of clue.
What about an "Evening with Colby Williams"?
That sounds like a bad stand-up comedy special.
Can you think of anything better?
What about an event involving?
Mr. Colby Williams
I like that
I wasn't invited to Dawn's party.
Olivia was murder and her weapon was a badminton racket.
It was very inventive.
Guys, we don't have all day
Lucy has tennis and me, Kassia and Colby have a history exam tomorrow.
Sorry, what's next?
The gibbet
What's a gibbet?
I've drawn out some plans.
Now the most important thing is that the trapdoor function perfectly.
And I've counted and tied it all up and counting materials and labor it should run us more than $400.
Fuck
I don't know
I mean I think the whole thing ought to be done well in all but $400 for a gibbet.
Especially if you add in the cost of music, invitations, drinks.
It just seems to be a bit steep.
Why can't we just use a tree?
Like a nice-looking oak or something.
Since it's gonna be a fall hanging the trees will look really leafy
and give off like a natural feel.
That's actually good point.
Yeah, and it's somewhat traditional, especially in the West.
You know, everybody goes to far sometimes.
I'm not saying that I haven't. I'm just saying that everybody, I know, does.
And you, guys, girls, I mean, should know that first hand.
This has already been discussed, Colby.
Now what would you like? A gibbet or a tree?
Isn't it all a bit too much?
Serious, I mean... I'm just trying to tell you.
Everything is already underway.
Now isn't the time.
You know what? Maybe, I can have a firing squad.
No
That would just be an ego trip.
Yeah, like, the blindfold last-cigarette bit.
You are in enough hot water as it is without trying to "upstage" everyone with unnecessary theatrics.
Okay
Okay, calm down
You're right, I'm sorry
It's alright, Paz is on the rag anyway.
So what is this the fifties?
I'll take the tree.
Can you just jump off of something? Stool or chair.
Highly doubt that there any freelance hangman wandering about.
We probably have to fly one in from England or Spain
One of those countries in South America Paz's mom loves so much.
Wouldn't a chair be kind of an extremely tacky?
What if we use something that rolls away like on wheels.
What about a ball?
Excuse me for a momemnt
Here
You want?
Turn the ventilator on when you're done.
There you are
We thought you might have run away.
Colby, doesn't your uncle own a limo service?
Yeah, kinda.
Outsource
Well, could you ask him for some help?
Covertly, of course.
Fine
We're all working to make this such a beautiful party, Colby.
It's the least you could do.
Yeah, I'll ask him
Good
What else did we want to run by?
The rope
Yes
I wonder if it would be better if we use wire instead.
More efficient maybe.
Maybe even a bit kinder.
Wire?
Yes
Wire
I think wire is out of a question.
It would injure the tree. Cut into the branch it was tied to when his full weight hit it.
And that in these days of increased respect for the environment, we don't want that be the focus, do we?
Having our guests going on about global warming instead of focusing on the event at hand.
Alright
Everything went off very smoothly on the day of the event.
The music Colby finally picked was his cousin's band which was a bit awkward but
they played very well.
It didn't rain. The event was well-attended and we didn't run out of gin or anything.
And the ten-foot rubber ball was really something.
Grand if I had to use one word.
The two things I remember best about the whole episode are
the grateful look Colby gave me when I said what I said about the wire
That bullshit about the environment
And the fact that nobody has ever gone too far again.