-A few years ago, I was so excited,
because I found my first -- my old video game system,
the Jorbus.
Now, if you forget the Jorbus, it was made by
the now out-of-business department store
Montgomery Ward. Let me show you.
I'm sure -- I'm sure once you see it,
you'll remember the old Jorbus. [ Light laughter ]
Ever since I dug it out, I've been playing it nonstop.
And a lot of the Jorbus games were ahead of their time.
So let's take a look at some of them
in a segment we call "Old Video Games."
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Get my -- get my Jorbus controller out.
First up, we're gonna play the Jorbus classic
"The Bee Gees Game."
In this game, you, of course, played
as the pop-music trio The Bee Gees,
and the goal of the game was to make sure The Bee Gees
are singing their notes as high as possible.
So you have your pitch meter on the right,
and then you want to mash the A button
to make The Bee Gees stay on pitch.
-♪♪ Whether you're a brother, or whether you're a mother ♪♪
♪♪ You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive ♪♪
[ Laughter ]
And if you slow down for any reason,
their voices get lower.
-[ Low-pitched ] ♪♪ ...and everybody shakin' ♪♪
♪♪ And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive ♪♪
-People are not happy, so let's keep mashing A
to get The Bee Gees' pitch back up.
Come on! Let's get it up!
Get it up, get it up!
All right, there you go, but you gotta be careful,
because if you tap A too fast, The Bee Gees' voices
get way too high, and then you have a problem,
because you'll see...
-[ High-pitched ] ♪♪ Stayin' al-i-i-i-ive ♪♪
[ Laughter and applause ]
Awwww.
Their heads explode.
So much fun.
In the '80s -- I don't have to tell you this --
there was no show more popular with kids than "60 Minutes."
[ Laughter ]
And kids particularly related to Andy Rooney.
They loved his segments at the end of the show so much
that it inspired this incredibly popular game,
called "Andy Rooney Adventures."
In this game, you play as Andy Rooney,
and you face off against all the tiny problems in life.
First, you battle junk mail.
-Don't you think there's too much junk mail?
[ Laughter ]
-Then, you go after expensive water bottles.
-It's $3? For water?
-And Andy Rooney and kids both hated telemarketers.
-It's Sunday. Leave me alone.
[ Laughter ]
-And then, of course, the last level,
you had to play against the final boss,
holiday shopping.
-Holiday shopping?
The crowds, no parking spaces?
-But if you don't shoot the bags fast enough, you die.
-Dying's annoying!
[ Laughter ]
-Moving on, this game was another classic Jorbus.
It was based on U.S. Olympic diver Greg Louganis.
[ Audience groans ]
Greg Louganis infamously hit his head on a diving board
in the 1988 Olympics,
and that inspired this game, "Greg Louganis Diving."
The goal of this game was to jump into the pool
without hitting your head on a diving board on the way down.
It's pretty hard because there's are a lot more
diving boards than you think.
[ Laughter ] Take a look.
♪♪♪♪
[ Laughter ]
[ Audience groaning ] -Ow!
Ow!
Oh! My head.
Ow! Oh, that hurt.
♪♪♪♪
-Now, you win if you get to the water,
but be careful, because just when you think you're safe...
[ Laughter ]
...the shark gets you. [ Laughter ]
You guys, this last game was not only one of my favorites,
it was a favorite of many kids.
It's called "Joseph Versus God."
And before it was banned by every store...
[ Laughter ]
...this was a game where you play as biblical figure Joseph
attempting to get revenge on God
for having sex with your girlfriend, Mary,
and impregnating her.
[ Laughter ]
You have to make your way through Heaven, looking for God.
Along the way, you face off against
the apostles and some angels.
-I'm gonna get you, Matthew.
[ Grunting ] -Ohh!
-[ Grunting ]
[ Laughter ]
-Finally, after you defeated all the apostles,
you have to face off against God.
But instead of fighting, you just go to a bar,
get a beer, and talk out your differences.
-I just can't stop thinking about her, you know?
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah, she -- she really was a special one.
-Why did you take her from me?
-Well, you know, I just kind of come up with ideas and do 'em.
[ Laughter ]
Uh...I'm real sorry.
-[ Sighs ] Can we get another round?
-It was the best!
Give it up for Jorbus, everybody!