Watching the Friends Reunion Special I couldn't help but wonder, why do they have so much
chemistry with each other, and most important, is it real?
Welcome back, my Body Language Buddies! my name is Jesús Enrique Rosas and I'm the Body
Language Guy.
Let's find out!
Hands down, the most important part of any body language reading are first interactions.
And this special starts with the Friends cast meeting again in the original set.
The first thing that crossed my mind is, well, this should be scripted, right? and at the
same time I thought that, even with a script, any director would want to capture that real
first encounter between each one.
Yeah, they're professionals of acting, but nothing beats recording their first reaction
upon meeting.
And yes, you might be aware of the fact that most of them have remained in touch along
the years, so what's so special about this? and it's the setting.
You're coming back to the same place where you spent ten years of your life crafting
stories to the world, so they have a strong emotional bond to it.
And this set, the whole set was completely taken apart the same day that they filmed
the last episode of the show.
So sharing that atmosphere again, seventeen years after, is going to have an impact on
their behavior.
By the way, you know what is one of the perks of being early to meetings or parties? you
can watch people greeting each other.
The way people greet tells you a lot about their relationships.
The hugs, the embraces, the voice tone, the way they look at each other, all are clues
that give you insights about them.
Take a look at the way they embrace each other and notice some very important body language
clues.
For example, the full embrace, when two people hug each other and one of their arms go over
the top and the other goes around the body.
That's the closest hug you can give someone.
And at the same time, there's the hands.
People that feel close together have their hands relaxed and the palms and fingers adapting
to each other's backs.
There could be logical exceptions of course, like when Rachel hugs Monica, she has her
hand closed because she's holding a napkin.
In this case it's easy to spot.
Now, I wondered, why did they present them in that particular order?
First Ross, then Phoebe, then Rachel, next Joey followed by Monica and Chandler last?
If you have any idea about it, just share it in the comments.
I mentioned the eyes because it's important to be aware of how people look at each other.
We've heard that our eyes are the windows to the soul, that eyes speak volumes and this
is due to the fact that we've got brain areas specifically dedicated to looking at, and
understanding other people's eyes.
And that's another signal when people are embracing; if they feel truly comfortable
with the other person, they will close their eyes for a brief moment.
You feel safe and let yourself close your eyes to feel the hug that is one of the most
important displays of affection of human beings.
Human touch is not only hugs, but also, reaching out with their hands and that's another signal
that you should be aware of.
I couldn't help but notice that in all their script table readings their bodies were relaxed,
and the best tip I can give you is try to not look at their faces but look at their
shoulders and neck.
Try to imagine yourself in their position.
It helps a lot if you can mimic someone's posture to have a much better insight of how
are they feeling with each other.
With practice, assuming the posture of people that you see in videos or in movies, you will
be able to do it directly in your mind.
I mention this tip because the first thing you're going to see is their faces and if
they are smiling.
This is completely automatic and your brain puts a huge weight on that process.
In this case, in those script table readings they show mostly authentic smiles.
We know that some of them could be using botox, and some of them show the aftermath of battling
addictions, but all of them have that real smile glow in their eyes.
The next step when you're analyzing a group at a party or meeting, is the way they form
natural clusters together.
A cluster is two or more people, usually two to five people, that form an invisible circle
sharing opinions, stories or just a conversation.
You might have noticed in casual meetings that these groups usually don't grow beyond
five persons without breaking down into two groups of three.
That's usual dynamics but what you should spot is how every one of us will naturally
gravitate towards the ones that we feel more empathy with.
The ones that make us feel good.
And a very good excercise that you should be doing from now on is, when you see these
clusters, try to spot if their main body axis are oriented to the cluster center or away
from it.
That's how you learn if the person is genuinely interested in the topic, and knowing the interests
of other people is the best way to connect with them in a meaningful way.
Now, I should mention something about acting, and I get questions like this all the time.
Why should I bother analyzing actors and actresses' body language?
And I understand the logic behind thinking that you don't know when these professionals
could be faking emotions.
After all, that's their specialty.
That's what they get paid for.
Well, I've mentioned the Stanislavski technique before, that it's an acting method of being
inside your character, to be aware of what the character would do in any given situation.
And that helps you put in perspective that this group of people, the cast of Friends,
had more time interacting with each other as themselves, as their real selves, than
as their characters.
So it's safe to think that any real world interaction between them today, is going to
be conditioned by the experience of those REAL interactions along all those years, be
they good or bad, and it will end up showing in their body language.
It's natural.
They're human, after all.
Now, not everyone loves Friends.
There are people that find their success baffling or even plain offensive, but they became a
worlwide pop culture phenomenon for reasons that go beyond acting, and the most important
was how the producers assembled a motley crew of six people that embodied personality archetypes.
We could say that ninety percent of the population can relate to any one of them in one way or
another.
And I'm sure there are better scripted shows, with much more polished production, with way
better acting but Friends became this juggernaut just because it handled the many interactions
between these personality archetypes in a playful, even silly way.
And this is a fascinating human phenomenon.
Laughing at the mundane and silly experiences and quirks of these characters was a way of
laughing at ourselves.
A way of not taking ourselves so seriously, and that was one of the greatest cathartic
experiences we can have.
That was THE secret of why Friends became so popular.
Oddly enough, there's a real and very dangerous downside to Friends becoming such a worldwide
pop culture phenomenon, and it's the way that you compare yourself to a model.
We can't avoid that.
Since children we tend to imitate the models that resonate with us, and it's much easier
as we are growing to separate fact from fiction.
For example, wether if you want to be some kind of Elsa or Loki, because you identify
with them, in the end you learn to separate fiction from real life.
That identification with models is what makes cosplay or playing your favorite character
so popular.
But what does it have to do with Friends, besides the fact that every woman in the world
wanted the Rachel haircut?
Well, you've got this impossibly balanced group of people, grounded in reality, in absolutely
prosaic but funny situations, that you identify with them, and at some point, someone could
end up thinking that their own group of friends, or even their own life, is not as cool or
funny as this.
In that sense, I think it's great that we have the opportunity to watch them interact
as themselves, as "in real life" and I couldn't help but notice some interesting signals in
their ET interviews.
The girls have this posture that mimics one another.
You might think that, well, they are sitting in the same chairs, right?
So maybe that's why they're sitting the same way?
but the way people sit and make themselves comfortable is as different as any personality
can be.
The way they naturally assume the same position is not a coincidence because we already know
that they have remained in touch through the years and it shows.
Talking about the boys, there are some differences here.
Ross has a much better posture than his peers, and Chandler, well, Matthew Perry has been
through rough times and his posture also goes well with the fact that he's a bit insecure,
as per his own words, with all the pressure on stage, and now the pressure to deliver
in this reunion.
Flashbacks are always helpful to compare both body language, facial expressions and general
attitudes.
When the show ended in 2004 you could spot that there were some really intense facial
expressions, and of course, it was part of the moment.
Phoebe was one that caught my attention; I think she was still in character, but couldn't
help give away the real emotions that she was feeling at that time.
Remember that these shows are filmed with a live audience so the pressure is absolutely
real, and living the fact that this experience was coming to an end is enough to shake anyone,
even if you don't spot it expressly on their faces.
But there were hugs too, of course.
And the same principles apply.
The intensity, how close are they and so forth.
At the same time, a very emotional moment can bypass regular interactions betwen people.
When everyone's feelings are touched, if at some point there was any friction, the feelings
of the moment bypass that friction, at least temporarily.
Just a word of warning.
People's attitudes towards each other can change over time so it's always a good idea
to look at these flashback exercises in their corresponding time frame, as they originally
happened, especially if more than ten years have passed since then.
In this case, the emotions displayed on that series finale and the emotions shown in the
present day are analogous.
Pretty much alike.
Friends, the whole show, the whole series gave us a great insight as how very different
people interacted in sometimes funny, sometimes emotional, sometimes naive ways.
And I think there's a meta lesson in here, that we can apply for our own friends, or
families, or any group that we are part of.
Leadership, any kind of leadership starts with identifying how different personalities
could fit with each other towards a common goal.
Sometimes that goal is as simple as hanging out together.
Sometimes is living together, or working together, or fighting together, you name it.
But you must be aware that it's your responsibility with this body language knowledge that you're
building and practicing, to spot emotions, how people interact with each other, which
ones are in sync, an which ones cannot stand being near, so you become instrumental in
keeping everyone together.
The next step is how to decipher those personalities.
So, this is my promise: if this video gets to ten thousand likes, I'll do another one
about the Friends character archetypes and how they fit with each other.
Outro
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