(Drew laughing fakely) (upbeat festive music)
- Hey guys, Merry Christmas.
Hey, I got a question for you.
What two things do the following phrases have in common?
(upbeat festive music)
That's right, not only are they bullet points used
to describe the plot of a very weird dream I had last night,
but they're also actual names of real movies.
Look, I love Christmas,
that's why we put our tree up on like November 15th.
But I will say it kinda sucks that my favorite holiday
will forever be associated with something called
"Santa with Muscles".
(man shouting)
(crowd cheering)
It's absurd, but the reason films like this exist
and why they all have such ridiculous titles is
because we've simply run out of Christmas movies to make.
You could come up with any holiday-related plot right now,
make up a title for it,
and I promise you that movie already exists.
Like maybe you wanna do something like,
instead of Home for the Holidays,
it's Homeless for the Holidays, right.
A guy maybe gets laid off from his job
and he's worried he's gonna lose his house,
but through the magic of Christmas.
(dramatic drumming) Oh,
they already did that.
Okay well, what if instead it was about these twin girls,
right, and one of them's a princess,
obviously, and the other one's a baker.
But through the magic of Christmas.
(dramatic drumming) Seriously?
Oh wait, I've got one,
a postal worker. (dramatic drumming)
Yeah, I know,
I thought that sounded familiar.
Nowhere is the overabundance
of Christmas movies more prevalent than
on the various Hallmark channels.
That's right, there's three of them.
But we're currently in the midst of their annual countdown
to Christmas where they release a new movie every day,
despite the fact that you could
just watch one Hallmark Christmas movie over and over again,
and it would be the same experience.
But you know what,
it doesn't matter what I think about these films
because they are a gold mine for Hallmark.
I read somewhere that they bring
in about half a billion dollars every year just
from cranking these things out.
It's truly a factory of content.
And normally you would look at a process like this
and think that something so mass produced
would result in a lack of quality,
but weirdly, it doesn't seem to matter with Hallmark movies.
You see, unlike other movies,
Christmas movies don't necessarily have to be good
for people to enjoy them.
They just have to make you feel good.
They just have to feel like Christmas.
And it seems like for a lot of people,
all you need to accomplish that is two lead actors
who meet the threshold for being attractive
to fall in love in a random small town.
That's Hallmark, baby.
The Hallmark movie craze is so crazy
that they now do fantasy Hallmark leagues.
You know, like fantasy football,
but instead of drafting NFL players,
you draft, and this is real,
a team of Christmas movies.
The goal is to pick the movies that get watched the most,
and apparently first place gets...
Gonna be hard to narrow it down here.
There's a lot to choose from.
You've got white couple in front of Christmas tree,
white couple in front of Christmas tree,
and of course,
white couple in front of Christmas tree.
I like how they've completely given up on even trying
to make these movies look different.
All right guys, hear me out,
I was thinking for the poster,
we have the guy wear green,
(Drew gasping)
and the girl wear red.
Yeah. Yes. I love it.
Let's do that for all of them.
So I feel pretty good about my team.
I think I'll throw double points on the shoe movie
because Candace Cameron is in it
and she's like the queen of Hallmark movies.
Hopefully I can beat this other guy.
He's got Patrick Mahomes on his team,
so it's gonna be a tough matchup
but I think I can pull it out.
I also just realized I'm like six weeks late to this.
So even if I pick perfectly,
I don't think I'll be catching up
to BusterfortheWin anytime soon.
You know what, I'm gonna say it though,
this is kind of a cool thing that they put together.
I'm not going to lie.
It's incredibly silly but it's a pretty smart way
to get people invested in these movies.
It kind of incentivizes people who are already a fan
of these movies to just
have the Hallmark channel on 24, seven.
There's a cash prize involved.
And they do stuff like this pretty regularly.
Earlier this year I remember Amanda telling me
about their March Madness Tournament
where you could fill it out and vote
for the all-time best Hallmark movie.
In fact, it was while filling one out myself
where I learned that Billy Ray Cyrus has been in not one,
but two Hallmark movies.
The first one,
which came out in 2009,
is actually a pretty well-received movie
that attempted to tackle themes like race relations
and maintaining friendships through adversity.
And then the second one is about Billy Ray Cyrus falling
in love with his son's doctor.
The other thing I learned while taking part
in this tournament is that Hallmark games are a lot of fun.
So I decided to make my own.
That's right, baby,
it's time for "Christmas Movie, The Game",
America's most beloved game show premiering today
for the first time.
As always I'm joined today by my lovely wife, Amanda.
Amanda, word on the street is you only agreed to do this
because I'm driving you to the airport later.
Care to comment on that?
- Yes. - Okay, that's what I thought.
All right, so here's
how this game works, very straightforward.
I'm gonna give you two movies.
One of them is real,
one of them I made up.
If you guess the one that's fake,
you get a point.
But if you goes wrong,
I get 100 points.
And there's only four questions,
so you really don't wanna get one wrong,
it's gonna be pretty much impossible to catch up.
- Is there a bonus round?
- Yes, it's also worth one point.
They're gonna start off pretty easy
but they get a little bit harder as they go.
So let's start.
Round one, question one,
which one of these is fake,
"Snow Bride", a tabloid reporter lies her way
into getting invited to a family's holiday celebrations
and then feels bad after falling in love with one of them?
Or is it "Snow White",
a tabloid reporter lies her way into getting invited
to a holiday party thrown by seven polygamous dwarves,
and then marries all but one of them?
(Amanda humming curiously)
I told you these start off easy and get harder.
- You said that? - Yes.
- Well then I wasn't listening.
- Okay, good.
(couple chuckling) - Final answer, "Snow White".
- Yeah, you're right. That was easy.
Any guesses as to which one she didn't marry out
of the seven?
- I don't know any of the dwarves.
- Okay, that's what I thought.
That one was easy.
This time we're gonna do sequels.
Which one of these is fake?
Is it "A Christmas Story 2"
or "Santa Paws 3: Return of the Pups"?
- Well, "A Christmas Story" is a classic
and I don't think they made a second one.
- You don't think they made a sequel,
so that's your final answer?
- Yes. (dramatic rumbling music)
(Drew laughing menacingly)
- They did, they made "Christmas Story 2" in 2012,
30 years after the first one came out.
- With all the same people?
- No. - And the boy but he's older?
- Yeah, but he's still a boy.
(couple laughing)
No, they made it with a bunch of different people
and no one watched it.
And the people who did,
they didn't like it.
It has like a 37 on Rotten Tomato.
So tough break getting the second question wrong,
'cause as I said,
they only get harder from here.
Round three has three options,
two are real, one is fake.
Which one of these did I make up?
Was it "Jingle My Bells",
a raunchy box office flub where Rob Schneider falls
in love with a New York receptionist?
Is it "Elf Man",
a superhero movie
where an elf saves a scientist from evil-doers?
Or is it "Santa Clause vs. the Devil",
a title so self-explanatory that I will not explain it.
- I feel like that one's real.
- All right, I'll give you that one.
I'll narrow it down to two.
"Santa Clause vs. the Devil" is a real movie.
It came out in the '50s.
So is it "Jingle My Bells" or "Elf Man"?
Which one did I make up? (Amanda humming curiously)
- What year was "Jingle My Bells"?
- I didn't look that up.
I think early 2000s.
- And how much did it make?
- I don't know. - And what was their budget?
- And was it real? (couple chuckling)
- Okay, I'm gonna go "Jingle My Bells".
- Is fake? - Yes.
- Yeah, good job. I made that one up.
The score is two to,
unfortunately 100, just because of the rules of the game.
All right, final round.
This is sort of a bonus round but not really
because there's no bonus to it.
It's just different in that these are not Christmas movies.
These are just various productions made
by MarVista Entertainment,
who is behind "Christmas Mail",
our favorite movie of all time.
- I miss it. - Again, there's three.
Which one of these did I make up?
Is it "Avalanche Sharks"?
This is a movie about a bikini contest
that gets interrupted by a shark avalanche.
Is it "Skateboy",
a short-lived animated series about a young skateboarder
who finds a magical flute
that unleashes an ancient evil Chinese wizard?
Or is it "Doggie B",
the B is short for Boogie.
It's called "Doggie Boogie" and it's a live action movie
about dancing dogs.
(Amanda chuckling)
So one of them's fake?
- One of them is fake.
- Can we watch the other two?
- You want me to show you the trailer
for the two that are real?
- Yes and then I'll decide.
- I don't think that works.
- I feel like the "Shark Avalanche" is the fake one.
- You think I made up a movie about a bikini contest,
like, it's interrupted by a shark avalanche?
But is that your answer?
- Are you giving me reverse psychology?
- I'm just giving you good old fashioned psychology.
(couple chuckling)
- Okay, "Skateboy" you made up.
- You think I made up something
that involves an evil Chinese wizard?
- Okay, first one,
my final answer. - "Avalanche Sharks"?
- Yeah.
- Sorry, it's a trick question,
they're all real. - Oh, dang it.
- I know, I'm mean,
I expected it to be down three to zero at this point,
so I wanted to cheat my way into a victory.
But I didn't have to,
200 to two is the final score.
You wanna watch the trailer for "Doggie B"?
♪ Hey man, no hands ♪
♪ Do the doggie boogie ♪
- Thank you so much for coming on this year's show, Amanda.
We'll be back next year, right?
- Maybe. (Amanda chuckling)
- Huh? - What?
- As always, we here at "Christmas Movie, The Game"
would like to wish you a very Merry Christmas.
- And a happy new.
(upbeat festive music)
(Drew chuckling fakely) - Christmas.
All right, let's make fun of some dumbass movies.
I will say it wasn't as easy to find some good ones
as it was last year.
Last Christmas, I didn't seek out a movie
to make a video about,
we just found "Christmas Mail"
and it was so insane I had to make a video about it.
I had never even done a movie review
on my channel before that,
but as soon as I saw it, it was like,
yeah, of course I'm gonna make fun of this.
This year, though,
has been an entirely different story.
I've spent most of December
so far watching various Hallmark movies
and MarVista movies and straight to DVD movies,
but almost every time it just goes like this.
"Yes Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus".
What a funny title.
This outta be good.
(tap squeaking) (water trickling)
The thing is,
there's no shortage of bad movies.
And boy, have I seen my fair share of them.
But a bad movie isn't necessarily interesting just
because it's bad.
There has to be a certain quality to it
that draws you in in spite of its flaws.
So it's been a bit of a struggle for me to find
that perfect bad Christmas movie,
but I will be talking about these two,
"My Dad Is Scrooge",
and "Christmas Cupid's Arrow".
Let's start with dad.
This movie has everything,
painfully bad child actors.
- I just want dad to stop being so mad.
- I'm a kid.
- The voiceover talents of Napoleon Dynamite,
and of course, talking animals.
- That's where babies come from.
- So the first weird scene of this movie is
when these four bullies come into a church to make fun
of this kid for being in a toothpaste commercial.
- It's the big Hollywood star.
How about an autograph, Ali-wood?
(kids chuckling) - His name is Ali,
so they call him Ali-wood.
- See you around, Ali-wood. (kids chuckling)
- I don't think I get their motive here.
I know sometimes kids are just mean
and that's all there is to it,
but they're like,
(Drew chuckling menacingly) "Loser, you got paid
"to be on television, idiot."
Then we make our way home and meet the titular Scrooge dad
who can pretty much be summed up in this one line.
- But it's Christmas.
- No, it's Wednesday.
- What a Savage.
Daddy lives up to his name when he forecloses
on this old couple's farm right before Christmas
in front of his kids,
who he doesn't seem to give a shit about.
- These are your kids, EB.
- Are they?
- So it's pretty obvious they're setting him up
for like a redemption arc here,
which is kind of flawed because I already hate this guy.
I don't even want to see him get better.
I want him to lose custody of his kids,
I think everyone would be better off.
So anyway, all the animals from the farm start talking now
for some reason and the plot finally kicks in
when they give the kids this book.
Well, I guess they don't give them the book.
They just kind of say,
"Here you go,"
and then the book falls on top of the bed.
You may notice it is "A Christmas Carol",
which is funny that they would give that to him
because that's what this movie is.
It's just a rip off of that,
but with a talking llama so it's fun.
But this movie does have some comedy in it.
Early on, the dog accidentally convinces this guy
that he's a ghost and he just believes him.
He believes the dog.
And so for the rest of the movie,
and presumably for the rest of his life,
he thinks he's dead.
He thinks no one can see him and he's just stuck
in like a weird afterlife,
which is kind of fucked up when you think about it
that they did that to him.
They kind of ruined his life,
but it does lead to some pretty silly moments.
- Ghost massage. - This isn't funny.
- Floating bacon.
- I don't think anyone's laughing right now.
- Anyway, they do the whole "Ghost of Christmas Past" thing,
and the dad starts to transform a little bit,
but not really.
And then there's this scene where he's talking
to the mom and you're supposed to think,
oh, this is cute.
They're flirting, maybe they'll get back together.
But it's just really awkward.
- Well, what is that?
Yeah, that's a smile.
Is this the old EB coming back?
- You're a crazy person.
So this is how crazy people start.
(Drew laughing through lips)
- You're insane, don't touch me.
Oh, mommy and daddy love each other again.
I don't think I understand this next scene.
Is this little girl flirting with a goat?
- Dropped your tail.
- Thanks Judge, I love you.
- All right, settle down.
It's just a tail.
(June blowing a kiss)
- All right, nope. I'm done.
Time for "Christmas Cupid's Arrow".
So this movie is about a dating app called Cupid's Arrow
and it's Christmas time,
so "Christmas Cupid's Arrow",
that's how they came up with the title.
You always know a movie's gonna be good when there's
like nine different production companies involved.
ITN Distribution, and also The Wonderfilm as well.
And Lighthouse Pictures, of course.
Oh, and Shavick Entertainment,
Kalispel Films, okay.
Free Dolphin Entertainment.
What is going on?
So the main woman's friend is trying to get her
to find a boyfriend,
so she makes an account for her on this dating app.
So she gets a couple of matches and there's a montage
where she's going on dates with three of them.
And there's no subtlety in this movie either.
All three of these guys are just over the top awful.
- Do you mind if I order the steak?
- Why would I mind?
- Just wanted to make sure you could afford it?
- Hey, you're paying for this right?
'Cause I'm a bad guy,
I'm not going to pay for it.
- What do you get when you cross the engine
from a 67 Harley,
Dukati forks and carbon fiber?
- I like motorcycles.
But I don't really care about any of that
because the real star of the movie is this guy.
This is a really great scene when we meet his daughter.
- What's a date?
- A what? - A date?
- Where did you hear that from?
- Who the fuck told you about dates?
It's not like she was like,
dad, what's a dick?
She's asking about dates.
- A date is when two grownups go out
and they have fun together.
- Like the zoo? - Yes.
- Or the movies? - Yeah
- Or the movies? - Yeah.
- Do you go on dates?
- No, I don't go on dates right now.
- Why not?
- Because I already have a pretty lady in my life.
(Drew cringing)
- Why did he say it like that?
It's so weird. - That's right, it's you.
- Don't worry, I'm almost done.
This is the last scene I'm gonna show you.
This is what made me wanna talk about this movie,
this awkward ass exchange between that guy
and the girl from earlier.
They both work at the same school
and kind of know each other but it really accelerates
when they find out they're the only two people
on this party planning committee.
(relaxing instrumental music)
- Just us? - Oh, Jesus.
- I wasn't trying...
- My vote is to have it be formal but not black tie,
'cause that way women don't feel forced
into wearing long gowns.
It's kind of fun to wear something shorter.
- Yeah, I would always err on the side
of wearing something shorter as opposed to longer.
- Yeah. - Yeah, I think,
skirt, I like skirts.
- Tell me one bad Christmas song.
- "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas"
by Paul McCartney is the worst song ever.
- Okay, first of all,
Sir Paul McCartney. - Oh well that's, you know.
- And he gets a pass,
he wrote "Yesterday".
All sins are forgiven.
- No he didn't, John wrote "Yesterday".
- No. - Yes.
- What planet are you on? - The planet that the Beatles.
- It is Paul. It is Paul.
- Oh all right, well - It is Paul
and I feel so sad that you don't know that.
- We're gonna have to agree to disagree,
even though I'm right. - I guess so, okay.
I'm down. - Is this flirting?
I'm almost 100% certain that this whole scene
was improvised 'cause who would write this?
- I'm sorry, did you just make an "IT" reference?
- Yeah, I've seen the movie.
- Oh okay, did you read the book?
- Well, yeah,
when I was a kid, you?
- Yeah, I read a couple of his books.
- Which ones?
- Oh, let me think,
all of them twice.
(Holly chuckling)
- He is the reason that I read as a child.
He was my everything.
- Yes, me too. - Obsessed with him.
(Holly chuckling) - Totally.
- Stephen King is the reason you read as a child.
What fucking kid is reading Stephen King books?
- All of them twice.
- All right, I'm not going to bore you
with the rest of the movie.
It's not good
and I don't think I can watch another second of it.
I think my personal journey I went on this month
through dozens of hammy Christmas movies,
only to determine that these two are the best I could find
has more than anything else just made me realize
how special "Christmas Mail" is.
(upbeat electric guitar music)
It's the kind of thing that only comes around once
in a lifetime and it's important we grab onto it
and celebrate the joy that it's brought us all,
and go rewatch my video.
And I think ultimately,
while stories of unexpected love
and the rekindling of family bonds are nice, for me,
they just don't quite capture the true essence
of Christmas, consumerism,
which is why today's video is sponsored by Raycon.
Hi, I'm Santa.
Have you spent all your Christmas money yet?
You haven't, well then I've got just the product for you,
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I know you've heard about them already, okay.
I'm just telling you again in case you forgot.
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There's no stupid wires dangling around,
getting in your way,
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It's just you and the music, baby.
I think their newest model,
the E25's, are their best ones yet.
I've used others in the past but these are great.
They've got a really good base sound,
especially considering how compact they are.
They also fit super snugly in your ears,
so no matter what you do,
they're not just gonna fall out.
And they come in a bunch of fun,
new colors like blue and green, we stand.
These really are the most comfortable earbuds
I've ever worn.
I was kind of surprised when I saw the price
because so many other brands will charge three
or four times as much for the same quality sound.
I also like that it comes
with this cool little charging case,
that is shaped like a egg,
and basically quadruples the battery life of these things.
If you wanna get 15% off your brand new pair
of Raycon earbuds,
click the link in the description.
That's buyraycon.com/drew.
Thank you, Raycon,
and thank you guy for sponsoring today's video.
I hope everyone enjoys their holiday season,
whether you're spending time with your family
or avoiding spending time with your family,
no judgment here,
just remember to be safe,
have fun, and drink milk.
This video was sponsored by milk.
Merry Wednesday everybody.