ENGLAND 1348 So, you say you were robbed by Adam the Leper,
can you describe him to me?
"About average height, one of the men called him Adam" anything else?.... "he had Leprosy,".
well, that certainly sounds like him alright.
You've had a narrow escape, Adam and his not so merry men have been terrorising the South
East for the best part of ten years now, and a right brutal gang of thieving bastards they
are, if you'll pardon my Latin.
You must have appeared a particularly a rich prize as they don't usually lurk by the roadside
like common brigands.
Adam and his gang usually target whole towns.
They'll turn up on market day or when there is a fair on and the streets are full of peddlers
and visitors from out of town and everyone's all busy and excited.
I love a good fair me, acrobats and sword swallowers, people walking the length of a
rope or putting lit torches in their mouths, dancing bears, minstrels having a sing song,
wrestling contests, I used to win a few of this in my day I can tell you.
Of course, you gotta be careful as the place'll be full of cut purses who'll whip your coin
off you before you even know it.
Tricky bleeders.
If you're lucky you might see some cheating stall holder get pelted with rotten vegetables,
fish or even worse.By worse I mean shit.
And they can go on for days, and everyone gets drunk, and young men and young ladies
do what they will, I used to do a fair of that as well PHWOOOOOR.
Anyway, while all this is going on Adam and his boys are mingling with the crowd, everybody's
giving Adam a wide berth of course on account of him being a leper.
Then while the townspeople are all off out enjoying themselves they break into their
houses, rob em blind and then set the places on fire.
In all the hue and cry they fade away into the smoke and the townspeople don't even know
what's been nicked or what's been consumed by the flames.
He's also famous for kidnapping, A bag over your head, a knife at your throat and you're
off into woods before anyone knows that you're gone.
Next thing you know, your family gets a ransom demand for a bag of coin or they'll find your
body hanging from a tree.
Even if they pay, the chances are Adam would have cut you up a bit before letting you go
just for sport.
You'd think being a leper he'd have more important things to think about than wanton cruelty,
but it takes all sorts.
I suppose since the great pestilence people aren't so kindly disposed towards the contagiously
ill.
They used to give em alms and build hospitals to house them, now they just run a mile.
Adams particularly fond of robbing officials going about the king's business.
The Prince of Wales once sent some of his servants off to market to buy food for him
and they came back beaten to a pulp, with not a penny on em, he'd even pinched their
horse and cart and not a loaf to show for their trouble That was Adam.
It's a brave man who robs from the king.
Have you ever heard of Richard Puddlecote?
He was a cheese merchant who tunnelled into the crypt of Westminster Abbey back in 03,
and made off with 100,000 worth of gold and silver.
You'd think would be enough for any man but oh no, the silly bastard, pardon my Flemish,
spent two days getting royally pissed then went back with some mates and stole another
load.
It was only when he tried to flog the stuff on the open market that they finally realised
they'd been robbed.
It was said that Puddlecote was in cahoots with some of the monks.
They found stolen items hidden in their rooms, which to a professional like me is sure sign
of guilt.
Of course, the monks claimed the "Benefit of the Clergy" so they got off Scott Free
while Puddlecoat got himself hanged and had his skin nailed to the door of the abbey as
a warning to others.
These days they call rotting bodies swinging from a gibbet or shrivelled heads stuck on
poles outside the city gates a deterrent, I reckon we're going soft.
Sorry got distracted there for a minute.
we were talking about Adam the Leper, Did you hear how last year he pretty much
robbed the whole of Bristol?
That's right, he and men seized the whole port, ships an all.
He sets himself up as "King of the Town" and gives his men licence to rob, rape, burn and
defile anything they fancy.
Some of the ships had just sailed in from Spain and the lads on deck had only just furled
their sails when they found themselves boarded by a bunch of drunk savages and their holds
stripped bare.
Some of the vessels he plundered had been commissioned by King Edward himself and he's
a fellow with a temper, do you remember what he did to the French at Crecy?
But the last straw came when Adam stole Philippa of Hainault's jewels.
She's married to the king of course and had given some of her jewels to a merchant in
London for safekeeping.
This would have been a wise precaution if Adam hadn't found out about them.
His men laid siege to the poor fellow's house one night and demanded that he hand them over.
The merchant was a braver man than I, for armed with only a cudgel he stood resolutely
in his doorway, cracked their heads as they tried to get in and dammed their impudence.
- Adam was impressed with the man's courage ..so he set his house on fire.
The gang refused to allow the merchant and his family to escape from the inferno until
he had thrown down the jewels.
Well, what would you do?
The King sent Thomas, Lord Berkley and a troop of armed men after them and I dare say that
by then even the leprous outlaw had realised that a king's justice is not easily avoided.
I often wonder why he didn't take himself off to a church and claim the "Privilege of
Sanctuary" As I'm sure you are aware, If the law is after
you, you can go to any holy place and once inside they can't touch you for 40 days at
least.
Westminster Abby is often full of criminals on the run.
Old Martyn the Hermit once told me about the Folevills they were a family of brigands John
Foleville and his 7 sons - who robbed and murdered with impunity back in the 20s and
30s.
When they kidnapped a royal judge called Sir Richard Willoughby in 1340, however, the law
finally came down hard upon them and so they ran to a village called tee and claimed sanctuary
at the local church It turns out that one of the brothers Richard
- had been the rector there for nearly twenty years- I never trusted the clergy.
At first, the Folevills kept their pursuers at bay by shooting arrows at them from the
church windows.
After several fell dead, stuck like porcupines, the men of law grew tired of the siege and
despite the "Privilege of sanctuary" they burst into the Chancel, dragged Richard out
by the cassock and chopped his head off in the churchyard.
And did they get a reward or even a nod of recognition for their brave deeds?
The Pope ordained that for killing a priest - one that robbed, murdered and raped mind
you - the men who executed him should serve a penance that involved being publicly whipped
at every church in the area - so much for taking your work seriously.
Sorry, I became distracted, we were talking about Adam the Leper.
They captured Adam at Winchester and I would have thought he was for the noose, the axe
or even the stake - but would you believe it, he got off.
It wasn't for the usual reason that he bribed the judge to let him go, half the judiciary
are corrupt or that he threatened the judge d'ya know, I've seen a judge deliver a guilty
verdict, get a knife pulled on him them immediately change his mind.
No, it was the gang that did it, they stood outside the courthouse and violently attacked
anyone who came in or out.
In the end, the trial couldn't go ahead and they had to let him go.
Between you and me I miss the "Trial by Hot Iron" you knew where you were with that.
You pick a red hot bar of iron out of a blazing fire and walk with it in your hand for nine
feet.
If three days later your hand shows no sign of healing then you're guilty and you hang,
simple as that.
I don't know what this country's coming to I really don't.
So the best thing you can do is leave me your details and we'll get back to you if there
is any news.Oh, you've gone.
Where's my bloody purse.!!
Pardon my French Cunts