After Trump was impeached back in December,
Nancy Pelosi didn't pass the articles on to the Senate.
Instead, she chose to hold on to them, tight,
tighter than Mike Pence's sphincter
in a room with two women.
Yeah. Temptation often passes through the back door.
But, but, today,
after a month of tension,
Pelosi finally announced she's handing the articles
over to the Senate so they can hold the trial.
And I don't know what was going on with Nancy today,
but, at her press conference,
she seemed a little spaced out.
Good morning, everyone.
This is a very important day for us.
And as you know, I've referenced temporal markers
that our founders and our poets and others
have used over time,
uh, to place us in time
to emphasize the importance of time.
Because everything is about time.
(laughter)
Yeah, and speaking of timing,
it feels like Pelosi's edibles just kicked in
at the wrong moment there.
What was that?
"All of us are just clocks telling time.
"We all have hands and faces
and little tiny batteries.
Now, I-I think, I think the point Pelosi was trying to make
is that she feels that, after a month of waiting,
now is the right time to pass impeachment to the Senate.
But handing over the articles of impeachment
isn't as simple as handing over your mom to a nursing home.
No, an occasion like this calls for a little ceremony.
REPORTER: They are going to be marching the articles
from the House Chamber through the Statuary Hall,
through the rotunda, along the second floor of the Capitol,
past the Old Senate Chamber,
through the Ohio Clock corridor
and then eventually to the Senate Chamber.
REPORTER 2: Those documents now are-are being taken
from the House of Representatives
through Statuary Hall.
They'll be going into the Capitol rotunda,
uh, to the Senate to present the articles of impeachment.
Mr. President, I have been directed
by the House of Representatives to inform the Senate
the House has passed H.Res.798,
a resolution appointing and authorizing managers
for the impeachment trial
of Donald John Trump,
president of the United States.
So,
we're all just gonna pretend nobody invented e-mail?
Is that what's happening? It's 2020.
Just send it as a PDF.
These people are marching the articles down the hallway.
It looks like the most morose pizza delivery ever.
"That'll be $24.99."
And just as an aside, what was up with that graphic?
What was that, from the news, huh?
We don't need to see an arrow making love
to the Senate Chamber to understand
how people enter a room.
They're walking across the building. It's a straight line.
It's a hallway. We get it.
So, now,
so now that the Senate has the articles of impeachment,
the big fight is now going to be about whether or not
the trial will include new witnesses and new evidence.
Because, you see, just yesterday,
we learned new details about Trump
and his shady dealings with Ukraine.
REPORTER: The new evidence collected
by congressional investigators comes
from Lev Parnas, an associate
of Trump's personal attorney, Rudy Giuliani--
59 pages of records, including text messages,
e-mails and handwritten notes,
including one scrawled on hotel stationery that reads...
(reading):
And there's a letter from Giuliani requesting
a meeting with Ukraine's then president-elect Zelensky,
emphasizing Giuliani was working in his capacity
as personal counsel to President Trump
and with his knowledge and consent.
No, seriously?
They wrote down the plot of their crime and then kept it?
That is a literal paper trail.
Why would you do that?
What, were they just hanging around, like,
"You have to keep the receipts"?
Like, "Isn't that taxes?"
"No, no, it's for crimes, too.
You have to keep them."
Only Donald Trump would hire henchmen
who are also into scrapbooking.
Like, they're like a bunch of criminal Martha Stewarts.
You know? Also known as Martha Stewarts.
So, so that's where we are now.
That's the latest update.
We are on the cusp of the Senate trial,
with new information still trickling out as we speak.
And we'll see how many senators decide they're interested
in hearing more evidence.
But at least for Nancy Pelosi, her job is now done.
She held the hearings, she made impeachment happen
and she passed the articles on to the Senate.
And now she's earned some time,
much needed time to chill
with Kelso and Fez in the basement.
I was thinking about the Incredible Hulk.
I like that show.
Especially the part where he gets all, like, mad
and turns green, and then his shirt rips off.
But then I was thinking, like,
what if he was purple... and a lady?
As you know, I've referenced temporal markers
that our founders and our poets and others have used
over time, uh, to place us in time,
to emphasize the importance of time,
because everything is about time.
(laughter)
So, no more for Nancy. She's toasted.
I knew Nancy had that good shit.