On the streets of London, in 1938, a husband dims the light of a gas-lit lamp in his bedroom.
When the wife questions him about the dimming, he denies it.
This makes her question her own perceptions, messing with her head and manipulating her.
Hey there, viewers!
This is the story from Patrick Hamilton’s 1938 play “Gas Light.”
You guessed it, this is where the famous term ‘gaslighting’ comes from.
It’s one of the many techniques skillful manipulators use.
Do you think the wife could have been saved if there was some sort of guide to identifying
it?
Let’s talk today about signs of a manipulator that you need to be aware of.
Manipulators are experts in playing mind games Have you ever had a mind game played on you?
It happens without you even realizing.
That’s what’s so terrifying about it.
Mind games are a form of manipulation masked by innocent-sounding communication.
They’re designed to confuse the victim, and keep them from guessing the manipulator’s
true intent.
Some manipulators are so subtle in their techniques, they’ll play you for a long time before
you can figure it out.
A manipulator would reply to you, twisting your words and making you feel guilty.
They’re experts at twisting the situation around to suit they’re position.
Sometimes they will even hurt you.
When you finally tell them how they make you feel, they accept zero accountability.
They just play it off like it’s your fault.
Mind games like brainwashing are often associated with cults, but they can happen in daily life.
Sometimes, even politicians use mind games to get votes.
In a relationship, you’ll often hear a manipulator say things like, “If you love me, you will
do as I say!”
They see this as a good way of controlling their partner.
Manipulation also happens in the workplace.
Mind games are a very effective tool to get what you want from your colleagues.
The more power you hold in your occupation, the easier it is to sway those who work under
you.
This is why a manipulative boss is a dangerous thing.
Let’s move on…
Their interests are their top priority Manipulators might say they care about you,
but this is only to get what they want.
If they need you in order to get what they want, they will take everything you do and
twist it in their favor.
If they need money, and you happen to have some cash on you, they’ll tell you every
lie in the book in order for you to feel sympathy for them.
Sadly, you end up trusting them more than you trust yourself.
Their motives are almost always self-serving.
They have little interest in how you feel, or how their behaviors impact you and your
life.
Manipulators always point out your shortcomings, making you feel weak and worthless.
They act like you can only do better with their help.
They try to make it seem like they have your best interests in mind, when in reality, it’s
the opposite.
This is exactly what we saw in Patrick Hamilton’s play.
The husband made the wife feel that she is unable to comprehend things properly.
As a result, she starts doubting her own decisions, believing that her husband is some sort of
savior.
Lack of responsibility and consistency Manipulators refuse to take responsibility
for anything.
They have a difficult time accepting responsibility for their behaviors.
They like to play victim even when they’re victimizing others.
If you call them out on their behavior, they turn the argument around, and make you feel
like it’s all your fault.
They try to send you on a guilt trip.
Not only that, they’re inconsistent as well.
They will sometimes make small commitments, but when the time comes to follow through,
they will deny that they made any type of promise.
Some will even gaslight you into thinking you’re crazy.
At times, they will twist words around to toy with you.
There are even times they will tell you that they were joking about their commitment, and
that you shouldn’t take things so seriously.
Emotional bullying is something else you should watch for
Manipulators need to be in control, and the desire for control often masks their underlying
insecurity.
They need to feel superior and powerful.
They have a deep narcissistic desire to shift the focus to themselves so people will validate
them.
Manipulators claim to know how the world should be and how you should act.
They pretend to be your guide through it all.
This way, you depend on them for everything, whether it’s life advice, or even money.
If you get out of line or disagree with them in any way, they’ll let you know that you’re
wrong.
Not just this, but they will make you feel guilty for even suggesting something different.
In reality, they’re insecure about their own place in life, and will find someone they
think is vulnerable.
This is a textbook definition of a bully.
They love the blame game Manipulators blame you for their actions,
plain and simple.
If you point out something bad they’ve done, their reaction is to make you feel selfish
and pitiful.
It’s like you’re actually the one who messed up.
Remember, they love to gaslight you, so your decision making abilities are poor in their
mind.
They will keep blaming you until you finally put your foot down.
If you’re someone who’s easily manipulated, you begin to question yourself and even feel
bad that you challenged them.
Manipulators will never admit their wrongdoings when it puts them at a disadvantage.
Instead, they’re always on the lookout for someone to blame, and in this case, it’s
you.
While some manipulators are considered good leaders, it’s not good to have someone in
charge who can easily swindle people.
Especially in positions of extreme power.
History has taught us that.
Dr APJ Abdul, famous as India’s missile man, says that taking responsibility for a
failure is one of the most important aspects of being a leader.
He explains this by narrating a story of his failure which cost India millions of dollars.
His superior took responsibility for that failure, which encouraged him to be a better
performer in his next attempt.
They keep records Keeping records is usually a good habit, but
if both parties are not maintaining records of each other, one person can use it to manipulate
the other.
Most manipulators know the importance of record keeping.
During conversations, they keep it casual.
This way your guard’s down, and you feel like there’s nothing to worry about.
When alcohol is thrown into the mix, it’s twice as bad.
It’s almost like the law.
Anything you do or say can be used against you in the future.
If they do you a favor, they will always remember it.
This way, they can guilt you into doing something for them.
If they lent you a small amount of money that one time, they’re always going to bring
it up, even after you’ve paid them back.
Any excuse they can throw at you to get you to do what they want.
Now keep in mind, these records aren’t physical.
It’s all done with memory.
A Wolf in sheep’s clothing Like I said a minute ago, they want your guard
to be down.
Manipulators like to gain your trust at any cost.
This is so you’ll open up and tell them your deepest secrets.
Remember, they’re looking for things to use against you.
To get you nice and comfortable, they’ll maybe tell you a secret of their own.
This way, the playing field is even.
They’ll say things like, “I trust you and only you”.
This way they can send you on a guilt trip if you’re hesitant about opening up about
anything.
“Why can’t you tell me?
After all, I told you my secret.”
This creeps into predator territory.
It’s clever and tactical, and is used as a way to get information from people in order
to ruin them.
Manipulators are generally good listeners.
They will listen to you patiently and might even encourage you to open up.
They will tell you that it’s good to speak to a close friend, when really they’re fishing
for your strengths and weaknesses.
If you’ve been fooled by one of these people, you grow angry with yourself.
It also ruins your ability to trust genuine friends who actually care about you.
“Why would I open up to this person?
They could be looking to sabotage me.”
That’s the logic hurt people carry.
They’re afraid of vulnerability We all have our own fears and vulnerabilities,
but some manipulators present themselves as invulnerable.
To them, vulnerability is a weakness, so they put up a front like they’re tough.
They stop at nothing to keep this image of themselves going.
It’s all in their head.
This often comes from some sort of trauma that they’re trying to bury.
Oh yeah, it’s important to mention that manipulators are generally sociopaths.
They don’t usually feel love, empathy, guilt, remorse, or conscience.
They rarely express their needs, desires, or true feelings.
It’s like they’re acting every minute they’re around you.
When you’re with them, they’re playing a character.
To them, life is just a game of power and control.
Everything they do is in the name of getting what they want.
To achieve that, they seek out vulnerabilities in others in order to take advantage of them.
At first, they seem attractive, but after a while, you see their true colors.
If you stay strong, and don’t let them phase you, they may keep picking away at you until
you give in.
Either that, or they move on to find someone else.
If you can get away from them and break contact, do it.
Just make sure that it’s safe to do so.
Manipulators are everywhere.
You find them in all walks of life, whether it’s in a relationship or the workplace.
But good news!
There are so many ways you can avoid them.
Have we sparked your interest?
Let’s keep the conversation going with a couple related videos, shall we?
Here’s what you need to know…
Check out 9 psychological tricks to outsmart manipulators.
Or how about our video on the Most Manipulative Zodiac Signs?
Go ahead, click one.
Or better yet, watch both, and learn more about how you can avoid these toxic people.
Have you ever crossed paths with a manipulator?
Tell us your story in the comments below!