- I was thinking like,
I think part of the problem in America is that 9-1-1,
people think of 9-1-1 as being instant response.
When I was growing up in South Africa,
one of my favorite TV shows I used to watch with my mom
was a show called Rescue 9-1-1.
Right, with William Shatner?
And, it was, like, a show where they go, like,
9-1-1, do you have an emergency?
And be like,
hi, I'm in my house, and (mumbling).
And then, like, 9-1-1 would get there.
And I remember, even when we were watching,
we'd be like, wow, 9-1-1, 9-1-1.
And this is in Africa. (audience laughing)
And, we'd be like 9-1-1.
And, we never thought of our numbers,
they tried a thing in South Africa called 10 triple one,
because they tried to be like, yeah, we've also got a thing.
People were like, 10 triple one, was like, no.
(audience laughing)
And, because they try to go with that feeling,
but we never thought of it as instant response.
Because if you would call our call centers,
it wouldn't be as efficient.
And so, in America, I think people are used to the fact
that something will get done now.
So I was thinking what you should do is just to like,
dull it for a bit,
you should bring the South African operators here.
(audience laughing)
Just so that people stop thinking 9-1-1
is like an instant solution.
Because like South African, like, they'll ask you question.
Like, in America, they just go,
someone's getting robbed.
They're like, we're on our way.
Like, I heard with 9-1-1,
even if you call them, and then hang up,
they'll come to check what happened.
Which, I mean, I get it,
but I'm also like, that's crazy.
Whereas in South Africa,
if you had South African operators doing 9-1-1,
you'd call, and you'd be, like,
hello, there's a man at the park,
and they'd be like, hello, can I help you?
(audience laughing)
And you'd be like, yeah, there's a man at the park,
and it'd be like, and?
(audience laughing)
But, again, he looks really suspicious,
but, okay, go talk to him.
(audience laughing)
Ask him what he's doing.
(audience laughing)
Ask him his name, what he's doing there.
You're like, I'm scared of talking to him.
But, like, okay, walk away then.
Go away.
Like there would just be like,
you go like, it's just people here are just like,
the cops are gonna, no, the cops are not coming.
For everything.
Like, here, you can call 9-1-1
because your cat is in a tree.
That is some crazy ass shit.
In Africa, you'd just be like, yeah, you'd be like,
hello, my cat's in the tree.
They'd be like, oh, okay.
(audience laughing)
My cat's stuck in a tree.
They'd be like, yeah, so what must we do?
(audience laughing)
I need your help, but they'd be like,
then how will your cat learn?
(audience laughing)
Let the cat suffer.
It will never do it again.
(audience laughing)
Thank you for calling.
Please stay on so you can rate this call.
Thank you very much.
(audience laughing)
It's funny because I never grew up
singing the traditional "Happy Birthday song".
Like, it wasn't something in my life.
So, my mom would either sing
the Stevie Wonder happy birthday,
and then the like, you know like,
♪ Happy birthday to ♪
There's that one.
And, then, there was another one that my mom found,
it was, like, a Disney happy birthday,
it was Donald Duck's birthday.
(audience laughing)
And Disney made their own version.
I think this was in, like, 1988, or something,
and it was just like,
♪ Happy birthday ♪
♪ It's Donald's Birthday ♪ (audience laughing)
♪ Happy, happy birthday to you ♪
So, she sang that to me when I first remembered birthdays.
Like, when I could remember the song.
That's how my mom always sang it to me.
She'd be like,
♪ It's Trevor's birthday ♪ (audience laughing)
♪ Happy, happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Because it's a party ♪
♪ A party ♪
And, then, I'll be there like, yeah!
(audience laughing)
I was like, that's the birthday song.
Right?
So, now, I'm like four years old, five years old,
six years old, and I start going to like,
kindergarten, and all of that.
And, then, we get there, and then the teacher comes in,
like, we're gonna sing "Happy Birthday",
and they turn down the lights, and the candles.
And it's like, everyone sing along!
And then they're like, happy, and I'm like,
♪ Happy birthday ♪ (audience laughing)
♪ It's Johnny's birthday ♪
♪ Happy, happy birthday to you ♪
Come on!
♪ Happy birthday ♪
♪ It's a party, a party today ♪
♪ It's a celebration ♪
And then she's like, no, what are you doing?
She's like, you're singing it wrong.
And I was like, what are you talking about?
That's the birthday song.
And they're like, no, Trevor,
clearly you don't know it.
We're just gonna sing it together.
And they're like, everyone together now.
It's like, ready and,
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
And, I was like, this is the most depressing shit.
It is the saddest song,
(audience laughing) because when you've sang
the happy birthday song your whole life
it seems normal.
When you grew up with, like, high-paced, you're like,
and, so now, even today when I see people sing,
doesn't seem like fun at all.
(audience laughing)
If you think about it this way,
if you told someone from another culture,
like, let's say they'd never experienced "Happy Birthday",
you could think it was like a death song.
(audience laughing)
Like, a song about like you're one year closer to death.
(audience laughing)
Imagine if you didn't speak English at all,
and you'd never heard the song in your life, right?
You wouldn't know what they're saying.
Just think of the tone, and the pitch of the song.
So, like, everyone gathers around someone,
(audience laughing)
and they sit down, and then they turn off the lights,
and then someone comes out with a candle,
like candles on a cake, and it's just like,
(humming the tune of "Happy Birthday")
(audience laughing)
(crying)
(humming the tune of "Happy Birthday")
(crying)
(audience laughing)
Blow out the candles which means death.
That's what it basically means.
You're extinguishing your life.
(air whooshing)
You know what my favorite thing has been,
during the World Cup, has been
watching the World Cup in the United States,
because I've never watched the the World Cup
in the US before.
And, in South Africa or in like the UK,
you generally have one type of commentary, right?
Which is generally from the UK.
And, British commentators are pretty standard.
They're very well versed in the game, they give you context.
But, in America, it's interesting.
You've got three different types of commentators
that they've been using,
depending on what channel you're watching it on, and when.
So, you have British commentator sometimes,
and then you have the American commentators,
and then you have on, I think it's FS1,
there's a commentator,
and I cannot tell if he's from Mexico,
I just know that he's a Latino gentleman.
And, like, every single one of them is different.
Because, like, the British commentators give you context.
It's very chilled out.
They'll be like, and here we are, Brazil,
up against this amazing team
that has come a very, very long way.
And, we look at how they're playing Switzerland
really good defensively,
and the ball will be moving, they'll be like,
name on the ball.
(audience laughing)
And they'll chill, and they'll chill.
And be like, you know, he's been having
a really great season.
It's very relaxed.
Where the Americans have to make it seem
like something's always happening.
Name on the ball!
There's Neymar, look at him running!
I mean, this guy's so strong!
Look at him! (audience laughing)
He's turning around, and he can do anything at any point.
Neymar again. (audience applauding)
Look, he's running back now.
Now he's running forward.
Neymar passing that ball.
There's Marcelo coming around him, cutting around.
Oh, this is Neymar!
It's like it's always action.
And, then, the Latino guys my favorite
because he's got, like, catchphrases, and stuff.
He's like, Neymar.
Neymar on the ball!
Bursting through!
He's gonna take it!
Oh, no, and he's pulled back.
He has spoiled the surprise.
(audience laughing) (audience applauding)
He has spoiled the surprise for the game.
Some of the new laws that went into effect
only make you question the old laws that were there before.
(audience laughing)
Like, the law about jaywalking in California.
First of all, I didn't know
that people got arrested for jaywalking.
(audience laughing)
Right?
I also didn't know that that's a law in New York, as well.
You're not supposed to walk
into the crosswalk when the red hand is on.
Like, that's just supposed to be for
the people who are already on the inside.
(audience laughing)
That's them, like, time's up.
Whereas I'm always like, oh, I've got 12 seconds.
That's like, in my head.
Sometimes I'm like, I've got two seconds, I can do this.
(audience laughing)
And, then, now I discover that it's a crime,
which would be the worst crime to be arrested for.
Like, I feel like that would be
the most embarrassing crime.
Like, you're locked up, and then you there,
and then there's like, other gang members, and stuff.
(audience laughing)
And it's like, hey, what are you in for man?
And you like, yeah, you know.
(audience laughing)
Same shit as everybody else, man.
Disobeying the white man.
(audience laughing)
If there was one aspect of South African culture
that I could--
- [Woman] Transplant to America.
- Transplant to America,
what would it be.
Huh, what would it be?
I think it would be, maybe, our general ease
of talking about race, and our racial past, you know?
Because, South Africa, and American have very similar
histories, you know, in that there was like,
there were many things that were done to people of color
that were extremely heinous,
but, we, maybe, because of
the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in our country,
we were forced to talk about it.
And, we just talked about it.
It's painful, but we laugh about it,
and it's out there.
Whereas in America, I find there's like a lot of tension
in and around that a lot of people are just like,
oh, come on, do we have to bring that up?
And it's like, dude,
I'm not saying you did slavery.
Calm down.
You know what I mean? (audience laughing)
Because that's how a lot of people treat it.
They're just like, I wasn't there.
I didn't say you were there.
I'm just like, slavery happened.
Yeah, but I swear, I wasn't there.
Dude, you're 37.
Calm down. (audience laughing)
You know what I mean?
And, it helps to be able to have conversations
about those things,
because then it helps you understand
how you got to where you got to,
but if you can't have those conversations,
then you just have to operate in a blind space of, like,
how did this happen?
You know, why does so many black people
live in this part of Harlem?
I don't know.
Why do you think?
I don't know. (audience laughing)
You get what I'm saying?
And, it actually opens it up, I think.
That would be the one part.
And, it doesn't fix everything.
Don't get me wrong.
But, I do think it makes it easier to address issues,
to have conversations, where you can just be, like,
yeah, man.
This shit happened.
You know what I mean?
It can just be, like, yeah.
That was crazy.
That was wild that that happened, that this happened.
And that's the thing, a lot of the time,
people think it's about assigning blame, but it's not.
It's about addressing what happened,
so that everyone can move forward,
and understand why things need to be fixed,
or how they got there in the first place.
Does that make sense? (audience applauding)
Imagine if you wanna talk to your doctor about something
that happened inside your body,
and then, your doctor scans, and then you're like,
doc, I think I might have, like, a cancer.
Your doctor's like, I wasn't there.
I wasn't in it with you.
You're like, no, I just need your help fixing it.
Yeah, I wasn't there, though.
It's like, no, man, just, chill out.
You know what I mean?
That's the one thing.
I'd transplant that.
And, chickens that don't do weights, and stuff.
(audience laughing)
That's the other part.
Like, chickens that just are normal.
(audience laughing)
Because American chickens is just like,
once I saw them, I was like, I'm sorry, what?
Is that the thing I'm eating?
Oh.
Like, I remember when I first saw
a chicken wing in America?
(audience laughing)
This is dumbest thing you've ever heard.
(audience laughing)
And, you're gonna judge me.
But, I judge you back.
(audience laughing)
I remember the first time I had
a chicken wing in America, is like,
I ordered buffalo wings, okay?
And, I know this sounds crazy.
But, the reason I was intrigued,
because I saw it on someone else's plate,
and then I was like, what are those?
And, someone said, those are buffalo wings.
And, I was like, oh.
Is this, like, a part of the buffalo that I don't know?
(audience laughing)
And, I was like, I wanna taste buffalo wings.
And, then, I remember eating it, then I was like,
it's sort of like chicken.
Then, someone was like, it is chicken.
(audience laughing)
And, I was like, but it's buffalo.
And, then they're like, no, it's chicken.
Then, I was like, but what chicken is this?
(audience laughing)
I was like, how big is the wing of this chicken?
What dinosaur chickens do you guys have here?
Because that's not the size of any normal chicken,
anywhere in the world.
So, yeah.
That's the one other thing I would bring,
is just normal animals.
(audience laughing)
That's all, yeah, I'd bring normal animals,
and conversations about race.
I find it interesting, because,
I come from a developing nation, obviously,
and for so many centuries,
Africans spent their lives being told by Europeans
that they were backward, and they were simple,
and they were primitive, and all this shit.
They're like, oh, you don't wear shoes,
and you don't have clothes.
Look at your chickens in the backyard.
And, then, now in Silicone Valley, people are like,
you know what's really, like, just, calming for the mind?
You know what really calms you down?
Chickens.
(audience laughing)
And, Africans are like, oh, really?
Tell us more, eh?
(audience laughing)
Tell us more.
Why don't you tell us more.
(audience applauding)
Everything.
And, I mean, even small things like shoes.
They went to Africa, and they were like,
you don't wear shoes, you savages.
And, then, like, a few years ago, people were like,
the benefits of being bare foot.
Let me tell you. (audience laughing)
A lot of people are realizing that the benefits.
And it's like, what do you mean the benefits?
You were told this!
(audience laughing)
All of it.
And, you think that I don't like
the support animals on the planes.
Because I know there's some people who need it,
but I feel like now people are just taking advantage.
(audience laughing)
You know?
Now, people are just on a plane,
and now people have the dogs,
and there's an airline that came out
and said, now they're gonna accept ponies, as well.
(audience laughing)
So, you can bring a support pony.
And, I was like, it's only a matter of time.
It's only a matter of time before
American Airlines are basically gonna be
public transportation in Africa.
(audience laughing)
Because I'll tell you now, I've been on a taxi,
a mini-bus, with people carrying chickens
on my way to school.
And, that doesn't calm anybody down.
(audience laughing)
I needed a support animal when I got off.
(audience laughing)
As someone who comes from another country,
I don't think you understand how weird it is
to have a government that is always in threat
of shutting down itself.
I've never come across a pay-as-you-go government.
(audience laughing)
Every three months they're threatening to cut of off.
You're like, what do you mean?
(audience applauding)
That's not a normal idea.
You understand how strange that is.
And, people are just, like,
will Congress, well I don't if Congress,
I don't think Congress is gonna do it.
You know what, I don't think Congress can get it done.
And, everyone accepts that as normal,
that Congress does not function.
That's not normal. (audience laughing)
Even when people go, like,
why would Donald Trump send this to Congress?
He knows that Congress can't do this.
Well, what do you mean?
You shouldn't accept that the people in power
cannot do their job.
There's no other industry
where we would allow that to happen.
(audience applauding)
There's no other industry
where we would allow that to happen.
You know what I mean?
Like, we would never be, like,
oh, pilots don't know how to land planes.
Yeah, well, that's why we jump out before they crash.
That's what we do. (audience laughing)
I guess that's life.
It's like, no.
It's not normal.
We don't accept it.
And, you can accept things when you do them for long enough.
You start to believe it's normal.
I remember when I was really young,
when I was, maybe eighteen, I had a car,
it was a beetle, right?
The little Volkswagen beetle.
Volkswagen, right? (audience laughing)
And, my car had windows that didn't,
the window winders were all broken,
so what I'd have to do is, like,
do this to close them, and then like,
do this to close them.
And, I was just like, it's normal.
I couldn't afford to fix them,
so I was just like, yeah, this is what I do ever day.
And, I thought it was normal,
and my friends treated it normal,
because it we did it for, like a year, or two,
and then, one day, I was on a date with a woman,
and she got in the car, and then we're driving,
she's like, oh, I'm really cold.
I don't know how to,
and I stopped the car,
straight-face, got out, went to her side,
opened her door,
and I was like,
(audience applauding)
and then, you know when someone's looking at you,
just looking at, and I've never looked in somebody's eyes,
and seen sex get erased.
Like, immediately, like while I was doing this,
I was like, oh, this is not, okay.
Okay.
And, I was like, this is not normal.
I shouldn't be living like this.
(audience laughing)
You can't accept it from Congress.
It's not normal.
In Africa, so my mom, she would let me watch, like,
a sex scene in a movie, she would be like,
I don't care about that.
But, if kids were playing with food,
she'd make me turn the movie off.
(audience laughing)
I used to watch those high school movies,
those American movies,
and then you know there'd always be
food fights in the cafeteria?
Then, my mom would be like, turn it off!
Turn it off! (audience laughing)
Turn it off!
And, I'd be like, what do you mean?
She's like, why they wasting food?
Then, I was like, it's a movie!
She's like, but it's real food!
(audience laughing) It's real food!
It's real food!
How can you waste food like that?
And, it's like, my mom was going,
like parents would go, there are children are starving,
my mom was like, we are starving in Africa.
(audience laughing)
We are starving! (audience applauding)
Why are they wasting food?
(upbeat pop music)