-Our next guest can be seen at the Las Vegas Comedy Cellar
February 27th through March 3rd.
Please welcome the very funny Orlando Leyba.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-Alright!
Thank you. Thank you.
Settle down. Thank you.
I'm happy to be here and not at home watching "Yellowstone."
Alright. [ Laughter ]
Yeah. I'm tired of feeling like less of a man
every time that I watch.
Every time I watch.
For those that don't know, "Yellowstone" is a TV show
about a cattle ranch ran by "The Bodyguard" himself,
Kevin Costner.
A man who doesn't want outsiders moving in, buying up the land,
and turning it into a Whole Foods.
That's the plot, I think.
[ Laughter ]
Alright? Streaming now on Peacock.
[ Laughter ]
The acting is great.
But the visuals of "Yellowstone" are amazing.
I'm in love with Yellowstone.
So imagine my excitement when my buddy Eric Ladd
invited me to his wedding.
Where? In Yellowstone. "Are you coming?"
"Oh, I'm there! I've been watching the show."
[ Laughter ]
The second I landed, guys, the second I landed, I got it.
This place was so beautiful, so majestic.
"Is this Narnia?" I asked the locals.
[ Laughter ]
I -- I understood Kevin Costner.
Shoot, I became Kevin Costner. [ Laughter ]
By the third day, I was telling people to get off my land.
[ Laughter ]
Sure, it was at the hotel courtyard,
but that's the way that I felt.
[ Laughter ]
I couldn't stop saying, "Go on, get," like my buddy Jimmy.
[ Laughter ]
"Go on, get. Go on -- Go on, get!"
[ Laughter ]
"You go on, get, from that cucumber water. Go on, get."
[ Laughter ]
"You've had enough of our minerals, sir.
You've had enough."
I drove out there.
I got to meet real cowboys and cowgirls, good people working
the land, riding horses, feeding America.
I got to met those people and they got to meet me.
Yeah. With my coffee-house vibes, you know?
[ Laughter ] I introduced myself.
"Hello, guys. My name is Orlando.
My pronouns are he and him.
Uh, I have an extra iced matcha latte made with rice milk."
[ Laughter ]
"It's less aggressive on your tummy.
Any takers? Any takers?"
There were no takers.
[ Laughter ]
But I was so impressed by these people,
and they were so ready for me to get off their land.
[ Laughter ]
So, I drove. I drove into Yellowstone, and I saw nature.
I'm a city guy and I saw nature.
I saw elks, the real ones with the coat racks. I saw them.
[ Laughter ]
I saw bears doing bear stuff.
They waved at me. They waved for real.
Ha! I saw bisons.
Those are real.
[ Laughter ]
I thought bisons were made up like unicorns, but...
There he was, a bison in the middle of the road
looking like a bougie cow. Moo.
[ Laughter and applause ]
I know.
I see you, bougie cow.
[ Laughter ]
People honked at it.
And I was like, "No, you don't do that.
You don't -- You don't honk at a dinosaur."
[ Laughter ]
I, on the other hand, drove around it with ease
thanks to my rented Ford F-150.
[ Laughter ]
I only say that in hopes of getting Ford to give me
a free, fully loaded F-150 truck.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
I drove deeper into Yellowstone
because I had to go see Old Faithful.
For those that don't know, Old Faithful is a thermal geyser
that shoots water and steam into the air
from the middle of the Earth, "allegedly."
They call it Old Faithful because it will always go off
right on time, plus or minus 10 minutes.
When I got there, this place was packed.
It was packed with people.
They built a whole visiting center.
I could tell that something was about to happen,
but I was way in the back.
And I said, "I don't want to miss Old Faithful."
So I shimmied my way to the front.
"Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me.
Go on, get, lady! Excuse me."
[ Laughter ]
And Old Faithful did not let us down.
Did not let us down.
It went right off on time, plus 10 minutes.
[ Laughter ]
And when it went off, it shot so high into the sky,
I had to take a step back.
And I was like, "By God."
It reminded me of me in my 20s.
Yeah. Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
That's not me anymore. Understand that.
That's not me anymore.
I'm more like Old Dependable.
Or Old Maybe Later, plus or minus 10 days.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Alright.
I'm going to "go on, get," now.
I'm Orlando. Thank you. I'm Orlando Leyba.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-Orlando Leyba!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Oh, fantastic, buddy.
He'll be at the Las Vegas Comedy Cellar
February 27th through March 3rd.
We'll be right back, everybody.