-But can we talk about you for two seconds?
That's why you're here. Please, can we talk about you?
[ Laughter ] I mean, please.
Let's get to you. -Can we talk about you
for two seconds? -Just two seconds. Please?
-All right. -You play Roy Cohn.
-Roy Cohn. There he is, America's sweetheart, Roy Cohn.
[ Laughter ] -It says "The Worst Human Being
Who Ever Lived." -Yeah.
-This is by Frank Rich. -God, it looks like a character
from "A Bug's Life."
[ Laughter ]
Yeah. No, I'm sure he's smiling in hell right now, Roy Cohn.
Throwing a cocktail party for Hitler and Mussolini,
telling them where they went wrong.
Yeah. Roy Cohn. I don't know. -How do you describe him?
-For those of you who don't know, he made his reputation
as mainly as being Chief Counsel for Joe McCarthy
during the Communist witch hunts.
And somehow he survived that
and came back to New York and became
a very successful lawyer and power broker.
-Yeah. -But he was --
Yes, he was a reprehensible, vile person.
I mean, if you were a friend of his,
he was very loyal and loving.
But you wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of Roy Cohn.
And certainly, how he's really known now
is as Trump's lawyer and mentor.
He sort of -- that's what that article,
which is a great article by Frank Rich,
which talks about Roy Cohn
and how he ushered Trump into New York society.
And, you know, the tactics of never surrender,
never admit defeat, you know?
Even when you lose, declare victory.
Counterattack and hit them 10 times harder.
-Harder. Control the press. -And, yes,
yes, control the press. And when all else fails, lie.
And certainly, Trump has learned those tactics from
the Roy Cohn playbook, except it comes out in a cruder fashion.
-If you hear the stories what this guy did --
-Oh, yeah. -Didn't he have his lawyer
fake a heart attack during a -- -Yes, yes.
On one of the many ethics violations,
and he was in danger of being disbarred.
He had his lawyer fake a heart attack.
He asked him to clutch his heart,
he dropped to the floor, paramedics ran in,
dragged him out.
And then he took over
and he gave a five-hour summation,
swayed the jury, and got off.
-Wow! -So he was resourceful.
He was -- -[ Chuckling ] Yeah.
Resourceful. -He was quite brilliant,
if only he had used it for good rather than evil.
-Wow. Well, you knock it out of the park.
-Thank you. -But you do -- you get
all these -- I mean, these great, these fantastic roles.
I mean, this is -- -Oh, well, you know.
You know, I'm very lucky and fortunate to have been in this.
But, you know, I also have a great agent.
And he's also a Russian oligarch.
-Is that right? -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] -That's how you get your roles?
-Yeah, Boris Buttinski, you know him?
[ Laughter ] -I've never heard of him, yeah.
-Boris Buttinski, yeah. Yeah. And Putin must like him,
because so far he still has most of his face.
-Oh. [ Laughter ]
-But Boris Buttinski, you think it's hard getting your agent
on the phone, I have to call the Kremlin.
[ Laughter ]
And his secretary Olga has a real attitude.
-Yeah. -But I can't complain.
-No. -Because he's very sweet.
Every year on my birthday,
he sends me a stray dog and a part of someone's ear.
-Oh, is that right? -Yeah.
-So thoughtful. -Oh, yeah, he's sentimental,
that one. -That is so?
-But here's what I figured out.
[ Laughter ]
That, you know, he's my agent, so I have to give him 10%.
But he sends a percentage of that to Putin,
who sends a percentage of that to Michael Cohen,
who sends a percentage of that to Stormy Daniels.
So essentially I'm -- I'm paying Trump's hush money.
[ Laughter ] -Oh, my God. That's why --
[ Applause ]
I'm glad you did the math on that.
-If you do the math... -If you do the math on that,
you'll figure it out. Nathan, this is your --
this is your sixth -- sixth time you're nominated for a Tony?
-Yes. Yes, it is. The first time -- yes.
I -- you know, this is a -- It's very meaningful.
It's the culmination of a lot of work.
And you know, these nominations are great.
Now I love the Tony Awards.
They're just like the Oscars, if the Oscars had a --
a fabulous "Queer Eye" makeover. [ Laughter ]
And I look forward to the after party,
where I get to explain who Roy Cohn was to the Mean Girls.
[ Laughter ]
Yes, but if you're going to the Oscars,
there are some do's and don'ts. I've written them down.
Some Tony awards -- I know you'll be --
You went to the Met Gala.
I'm sure you'll go full tilt gay and go to the Tony Awards.
-Oh, my God!
[ Laughter ]
-So here are the do's.
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, God, I love you, man. -Here are the do's and don'ts.
-These are the do's and don'ts...
-You might want to write some of these down.
-...if you're going to the Tony awards.
-Before the show, save time by injecting Chardonnay
directly into your veins.
[ Laughter ] -No, that's a good one.
-Do wax everywhere. And I mean everywhere.
-Okay, all right. [ Laughter ]
Thank you for sharing that. -Don't point and laugh
during the "In Memoriam" segment.
[ Laughter ]
Don't thank Mike Pence in your acceptance speech.
[ Laughter ] -Oh, yeah, no.
-Don't try to take the flask out of Angela Lansbury's hands.
[ Laughter ] Because that could get ugly.
-That could get ugly. -Yeah.
Try to remember to tip Kevin Spacey at the coat check.
-Oh, my God. [ Laughter, audience "ohhs" ]
Oh, my goodness.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Oh. I see.
I see, we're feeling -- feeling sentimental about Kevin,
are we? [ Laughter ]
And finally, three words --
Spanx, Spanx, Spanx! -Spanx! There you go!
That's what I'm talking about right there!
The one and only Nathan Lane!
"Angels in America."