Hello underachievers!
So, you know the drill,
I'm going on tour in January and here are all the tour dates.
Here are the places that I'm going.
I'm going to be yelling,
Im going to be singing,
I'm going to be doing meet and greets and the tickets are only 12 pounds,
so if you click the link in the description below,
you can come see me and it will be fun.
It is a gay old time, as they say.
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Now, on to the topic of the video,
my sexuality!
The bisexuality!
The finger gun-peace sign sexuality.
So, for the longest time,
I was convinced that I was exclusively into guys.
You know, my first crushes were like, Zac Efron, Peter Pan, Pete Wentz,
Kovu, the lion from "The Lion King", too.
I know you also had a crush on him and I'm not embarrassed about it.
Thinking back, I don't have any memories of,
you know, having crushes on girls when I was a kid.
I feel like, if I did have crushes on girls,
I wouldn't recognize them as crushes, at that point,
because I was a girl at that point.
Maybe I don't...
I just didn't think that girls could have crushes on girls, to be honest
And I don't remember having crushes later on in my childhood,
like in school, in my teen hood...
I never remember being like, "oh, I fancy this girl in my class!"
Like, I never had that.
I was always just, you know, very into guys.
It's just guys, guys, guys!
Tom Daley,
Pete Wentz,
emo boys kissing on YouTube!
That was my [ ]!
One thing i do remember in my childhood is--
The thing I would do with my friends is we play little role play games.
You know, as you do when you're a kid.
I feel-- I think that's normal.
Well, I did it but yeah you used to play little role play games and in the role play games,
I was the fit, handsome, tall, popular high school jock with a really hot girlfriend.
And that was just the character that I played every single time,
because I was like, "I wanna be the fit jock handsome guy".
And you can't play the fit jock had some guy without having a really hot girlfriend.
That's just how it goes.
I watched a lot of Nickelodeon, Disney Channel...
And that's just what i thought it was.
And to this day,
I don't really know why I wanted to play that role.
It was either I really wanted to have a hot girlfriend,
or it was because I wanted to, you know, be a guy.
I think it was that one.
So like, no real history as a kid of being into girls.
But, recently, in the past few years,
I've become a lot more comfortable with myself.
I came out, that was great.
People were like, "ah! A dude".
And I was like, "yeah, crazy, right?"
And, you know, I got on testosterone, I don't have titties anymore...
There are so many things that I was so uncomfortable about
that I'm just not uncomfortable about anymore,
and that is an ideal situation to exploit your sexuality, because you know...
I was so caught up in the fact that I was trans and unhappy with myself
that I couldn't really externalize any romantic,
any sexual feelings.
I didn't have a proper relationship until Corry.
And now we've been dating for like, over three years,
so I guess that one went well.
That was a good choice.
Lucky me I don't have any dreadful ex's stories,
or dreadful hookup stories.
Because, you know, that was...
There was no hooking up.
But yeah, I came out, I transitioned...
Now I'm more comfortable with myself and it's easier for me to be like,
"oh, wait... Girls!"
So, after a while questioning I made these two videos.
In the first one, I talked about the fact that I was starting to question my sexuality,
and in the second one, it was more of a coming out video, you know?
I hesitantly told people that I was bisexual.
Hesitantly because, you know...
I was clearly not entirely comfortable or used to the new label of "bisexual"
because for so long, you know, I spent years of my life being like,
"I am a gay guy.
"And I am living as a straight woman".
And that is the worst!
And, you know, my entire identity was revolving around the fact that
I was a guy and I like guys and then all of a sudden I was like,
"oh, I'm a guy, but I also like girls".
And I'm a lot more comfortable with the label "bisexual" now.
When people ask me about my sexuality, I say "bisexual".
I don't just say "gay" anymore.
But, you know, as the Internet does,
I had a lot of people in my comments and in my DM's telling me that
I wasn't bisexual,
that I was confused,
that I was mistaking, you know, appreciation of women
for attraction to women,
which I guess I can understand with the way I maybe worded things in those videos,
but like, no.
I'm pretty sure I'm bi.
I'm definitely bi.
With a bogey in my nose, apparently.
But here's the thing:
I am still bisexual, but I am mostly into men.
That's the thing that a lot of people don't understand,
because yes, I may be like 80% into men,
90% into men.
And like, 10, 20% into women, depending on the day,
but that's still bisexual, right?
Like, I'm not-- It's not just guys!
If I see a woman and I'm like, I would want to kiss her
and maybe touch her boob,
I'm very clearly in the early stages of having crushes on women, I guess.
Oh, my God, what?
Maybe I'm like--
Oh, my God, wait. How long have I known I'm bi?
I'm going through the stages of crushes that maybe like, a 12-year-old boy is going through
because that's how long I've known I've had crushes on woman.
So...
Boob.
Boob!
But yeah, very certain I am not just gay,
I am bisexual.
And I thought it would be interesting to document my feelings at this point in time on my sexuality,
because in the first video, I was clearly a bit confused;
in the second video I was less confused,
but still a bit hesitant and now I'm like, "I am bisexual".
I like women, but...
It's weird talking about it.
So that's a fun stage
and I just thought it'd be interesting to document for myself,
and then also, for other people.
And if it's possible for me to do so,
I definitely want to put out the message obviously that it's okay to question your identity.
It is definitely okay to question your sexuality.
It's okay to be a bit confused because without that confusion,
you're not really gonna explore anything.
And then maybe you won't actually come to the conclusion of what your identity is.
Some people are born knowing exactly what they like
and exactly who they're into...
And that's fine!
But like, some people weren't and my identity was, you know...
Clearly dependent on my relationship with myself, like...
I could not admit to myself that I was into women
because I was too caught up in, you know, being so trans!
I did not have enough time to worry about liking girls,
because I was too busy crying all the time.
So yeah, let's get to the bulk of the video.
I asked you guys to ask me questions about my sexuality,
my bisexuality,
and I'm gonna answer them right now.
So, somebody asked,
"are you attracted to different things in men and women?"
Yes, absolutely.
I don't know how long it would take for me to explain every single difference,
but yeah, with men, I like...
God...!
It took me--
I still don't really know what my type in men is.
I feel like it's, you know, cheekbones and..
Nice hair!
And a nice face, nice body, nice personality.
I recently realized that I am attracted to guys that know they're attractive,
which doesn't make sense, because I hate cockiness,
but for some reason it makes somebody attractive...
I don't know how that works!
Obviously like, physically,
I'm into different things when it comes to men and women.
Girls, I honestly don't know what my type of girls is.
I like them.
I have a list of celebrity crushes that are that are girls.
I'll read it out to you now:
Zendaya,
Destiny Rogers,
Victoria Pedretti,
Cara Delevingne,
Margot Robbie,
Zoe Kravitz,
Anya Taylor-Joy,
Blake Lively,
Willow Smith,
Taylor Swift,
Pom Klementieff,
Emmy Rossum,
and Miley Cyrus.
Ones that are nice and preferably shorter than me,
but I don't-- All these people are probably taller than me,
but in person, shorter would be nice.
"Oh, no, Noah, your insecurity showing!"
Yes, I'm 5'5".
Corry can be taller than me, reluctantly.
But not a girl, I'm sorry.
That is toxic gender-- I don't know, bro.
I don't know!
Somebody said:
"Was it taking testosterone that mainly changed your sexuality?
"It's actually really common".
Now, here's a weird-- I this-- This weird to me,
because I don't think it's the presence of a large
amount of testosterone in somebody's body that would change their sexuality.
I feel like when trans guys go on testosterone they feel more comfortable with themselves,
then, you know, they can explore the parts of their identity that they felt uncomfortable with.
I was not even able to kiss anybody before I started testosterone,
or even think about that,
or even think about anybody thinking about being attracted to me.
That made me so uncomfortable because I was like,
"oh, but you're attracted to me when I look like this,
"and I look like a girl.
"You're attracted to me as a girl".
It was really confusing!
And the idea of a girl being attracted to me reinforcing the idea that I was a lesbian,
which at that point I was like, "no, I'm a gay man!"
It was a whole ordeal, but yeah!
I don't think testosterone changes your sexuality.
I think it just makes you comfortable enough to explore your sexuality.
But yeah, absolutely!
If I wasn't on testosterone right now I would probably--
I'd be very sad.
But I would probably still just be thinking I'm into guys exclusively.
"You realized you're bi while in a relationship.
"Do you ever dislike that you can't explore it more?"
No, I could explore it if I wanted to.
I mean, there's nothing holding me back!
But no, I don't dislike it.
I guess it would be interesting, but I am so busy with YouTUbe stuff
and now music stuff...
I was full-time YouTUbe and now I'm full-time YouTube and music.
There's a lot going on in my life.
I don't really have the time to explore that kind of stuff.
But no, I don't feel like I'm missing out.
Obviously I'm curious about a lot of things...!
But that's fine.
"Did liking men before you discovered you were trans feel straight?"
No, it didn't feel straight at all.
And that's why it was also so confusing,
because, you know, before I realized fully that I was trans,
I was like, "I'm a girl that likes guys, but in a gay way...
"But I'm straight and I feel oddly.
"Like a part of the LGBT community, but I'm not lesbian...
"And I'm not into girls!
"So, what is it?"
I think that was also another reason why I never even tried to enter a relationship,
or even tried to pursue anybody before I came out as trans,
because I was just like,
the idea of anybody wanting to be in a relationship with me while I'm a girl
makes me incredibly uncomfortable and like, incredibly icky!
Like throw up, kind of icky.
Like, peel my skin off, kind of icky.
Like, if I ever had a crush on a guy, it was barely a crush,
because I'd think about it for more than two seconds and be like,
"wait, no.
"I want you to like me like a guy likes a guy,
"not a guy likes a girl".
And without coming out, that's impossible, so...
It never felt straight,
it just felt weird and confusing and uncomfortable and sad.
"How did you decide you were bi and not pan?"
Here is it,
I didn't even think that people were wondering that until I literally did the Q&A stuff for this.
I don't know, really!
I just think "bi" fits me better.
I think there's so many different definitions of "bisexual".
A lot of people think that bisexual means you're only into, you know, men and women.
They think it means you're only into two genders, which I get,
because "bi" means "two",
but I feel like the more accepted definition nowadays means like,
attracted to two or more genders.
I feel like, at the end of the day, labels are just words
and I don't feel any sort of connection to the word "pan".
Or like, "polysexual" or "omnisexual".
I don't feel any connection to those.
But, "bi", to me, just feels right.
And that's not to say that I'm not attracted to non-binary people,
because of course I am because...
You know, it confuses me when people are like,
"no, I'm bi, but I'm not attracted to non-binary people,
"because non-binary people can look any type of way!"
Which is the same with men and women, but, you know,
I feel like a lot of people just assume that non-binary people are just androgynous
and when people say they're only into men and women and not non-binary people,
they're just like, "oh, I'm not into androgynous people",
but non-binary people can look any kind of way!
So, yeah, like...
Yeah, I guess I'm into non-binary people.
Can't, off the top of my head, think of, you know...
What is specific, but I just think "bi" describes me best.
But then I still use the word "gay",
because "gay", to me, just means I like men,
even though it usually just means "exclusively men"...
I don't know, bro!
I'm already taking so many words from the LGBT community.
The homosexual TERF's will, you know, be knocking at my door
for telling people that I'm gay or that I'm a man.
But I just like the word "gay" and I like the word "bi",
so I'm gonna use them!
"How do you know you experience sexual attraction to women at all,
"and maybe not just aesthetic?"
To be completely honest,
porn!
I feel like the way I experience attraction to men and women is different,
that I just assumed the way I felt about women who were pretty was not attraction.
It was more just like, appreciation.
But it definitely isn't!
And watching porn where women are involved...
Very well done, women!
"When having sex with a girl make you feel like a virgin?
"(Obviously you're not one)".
It won't make me feel like a virgin.
Do people think that?
Do people think that like, if you're bisexual...
And you have sex with one gender and then,
the next time you have sex with another gender for the first time,
you're like, "oh, I lost my virginity".
No, I wouldn't feel like a virgin.
I'd feel overwhelmed!
And-- I don't know!
I wouldn't feel like a virgin.
I guess I wouldn't really know what to do,
because I've only done that kind of stuff with guys...
But I feel like I would learn.
Do we not all learn?
"So, would you do the nasty with a female?"
Yeah!
Yeah, I would!
"Looking back,
"do you remember being attracted to girls even when you were younger?"
I know I opened with that in the introduction of this video,
but I've been thinking...
I feel like I definitely had a crush on Willow Smith,
when "Whip My Hair" came out,
because I...
I just had that on repeat and it wasn't just because I enjoyed the song.
i was kind of like, mesmerized by the music video.
Just like, her dancing...
And I thought she was so cool.
So I guess I probably did have a crush on Willow Smith when I was younger.
And now I still have a crush on Willow Smith now.
I guess that didn't really register until recently.
"Did you think you're a lesbian before knowing you are trans,
"like, for being masculine?"
No, there was NEVER a point in my life where I thought I was a lesbian,
because I've always been into guys.
Like, it has always been very clear to me that I'm into men.
I love dudes.
Love a bro!
"How do you tell the difference between actual attraction
"and just like, pretty person?"
Obviously, it depends on the person,
but like, I don't know!
You see a pretty person,
do you think, "oh, I would";
or do you just think, "oh, pretty person!"
Because, to be fair, when I first started questioning,
I was a bit confused over whether or not I was feeling like,
"oh, yeah! Let's go!"
Or if I was just appreciating a pretty woman.
I feel like it's just something that you have to think over.
I'm not really sure what kind of advice to give,
because I'm still pretty early on.
But, I don't know!
Picture yourself being in a relationship with the pretty person,
or, you know, pitch yourself doing the do with the pretty person.
How does that make you feel?
"Could you actually see yourself dating a woman?
"Would it be strange/ give you dysphoria?"
I think it would be strange because it's never a situation I pictured myself in until recently,
and obviously I'm with Corry
and I have no interest in dating more than one person at a time.
No hate on poli people, I just--
That seems exhausting.
That seems so exhausting...
But, I mean, hypothetically, yes.
I could see myself dating a woman and it doesn't feel weird to me.
I don't think at all.
No...
"Would it be strange/ give you dysphoria?"
No, it doesn't feel strange.
Would it give me dysphoria?
I feel like, yeah, would give me dysphoria a bit,
because I don't have the bits to, you know...
But I don't think just by dating somebody it would give me dysphoria.
I think that's more of like, the sexual side of it.
Unless she was taller than me.
I won't lie about that.
I won't lie about it.
"Are you worried that some girls will see you as a girl
"and so not want to be with you if they're straight?"
No.
I mean, I guess if I was like, interested in somebody
or like, pursuing a relationship like that,
that would be something that crosses my mind,
but I'm not doing that at the moment, so that's not a worry I have.
Somebody said: "Boobies?"
Yeah, boobies!
I think I've finally left my scared of boobies-phase.
Maybe big boobies,
still a fear
I have to get over.
But it's only because I had boobies.
On myself, not so much.
On other people, yes.
And I'm a very sensory person, so I, you know, I remember having boobs
and i hated it, every aspect of it.
But having your nipple in a hand here, kind of satisfying to hold!
I don't, other people, you know, I love squeezing stuff,
love flicking stuff, I love, you know, touching things.
Boobies are a yes for me.
I feel like I still sound gay even when I'm talking about boobies,
but boobies are good!
Boobies get a thumbs up!
Somebody said:
"Have you ever kissed a girl?"
In "truth or dare" when I was like 13, maybe.
Not properly.
No, I've kissed...
Oh, I've kissed more than five guys!
That's more than I thought I would ever kiss.
But no, I've not properly kissed a girl.
Done like a pet,
on the face,
on the mouth.
But never properly.
I always wonder what that would be like.
I feel like it would be very different.
Apparently, boys are much worse kisses,
so I guess I have that to look forward to...
A girl to kiss, by the way, not boys being bad kissers.
But yeah, I think that's it for the questions.
If you have any more questions, then comment them below.
I'd be happy to answer them if they're interesting.
If they're interesting questions, I like it answering them.
But yeah!
Have a good day or don't!
See you later losers!
Have a, you know, have a comment
and make sure to go buy a concert ticket,
because that would be nice.
But yeah, I won't punch this camera because it's much more expensive than mine.
I'll just pretend...