Geoffrey here in this video,
I'm going to show you how you can decide if things are hopeless or if you should
keep fighting for your marriage.
If you find yourself in a place where your partner wants to divorce at this
exact moment, and I really want you to stay till the end of the video,
because I'm going to show you some perspective.
And these are also the same things. When my client realizes this,
it really transforms their viewpoint on this whole situation that you're facing
right now. And in case we haven't met,
my name is Jeffrey and I help men in longterm relationships or in marriages and
empower them with the right skills and knowledge to be able to thrive in their
relationships. So if you want more videos,
I can empower you with this right skills and knowledge.
Then I want you to subscribe and click the bell button as well,
to be notified when I post new videos three times every single week
[inaudible]
and real quick, before we begin this video,
I want you to let you know that a few spots have opened up for my masterclass on
the five proven steps to rebuilding your relationship from the ground up.
So if you want it in the masterclass,
be sure to stay to the next video for the announcement on how you can get in on
that.
So the first point here is how do you decide if things are hopeless or that
there's still hope? And a lot of men think that if my partner's really angry,
if my wife is really angry right now, and they're wanting this divorce,
because you're still so angry about all this stuff that happened in the past and
the relationship that that means that it's hopeless,
but it's actually not the case as well,
because you have to understand that the opposite of love is not hate.
The opposite of love is indifference.
The truth is if your partner is still angry at you is still angry at the past,
angry at the situation, it means that they still care enough about you,
about the relationship to feel angry about it.
So when your partner is really angry at you, ironically,
that's when you still have hope,
but when you should worry is when your partner is completely indifferent to you.
Now, whether the thought of losing you or getting back together,
it doesn't even affect her emotionally at all. That's when they should worry.
Now, of course, this is not a black and white thing.
This thing exists in a scale. So, you know,
between being angry and being indifferent, there's a scale here.
You can use this to gauge where you are on that scale.
Is there a partner more in the indifferent scale,
on the angry scale and using that gauge,
you can gauge how much hope you have in this situation right now.
Now the second point that I wanted to give you here is that in most cases,
your partner actually wants you to succeed.
They want to be able to see your changes.
They want the relationship to work out.
And the thing that's making you feel really hopeless right now is that your
partner may be telling you for example, that she feels helpless.
She feels like there's no hope when you changing or her feelings changing,
or even the situation changing.
But you have to understand the fundamentals about human psychology here in that
people make decisions via their emotions, not their logic.
So when she's telling you that she feels hopeless,
that she doesn't see how you can change, or the situation can change.
She's really coming from a place of emotion of how she feels today. You know,
maybe she understands that logically,
that things can change that there is a future that there is hope emotionally.
She can't feel that right now. And maybe she feels this because, you know,
maybe you've promised her changes many, many times before in the past,
but every time you promise these changes, the changes don't really happen.
So now, you know,
even though she understands logically that there might be a possibility for
change emotionally,
she finds it hard to believe it because of the broken promises in the past.
The other reason maybe is that the problem can be so complex.
So complicated in her mind. There's so many entrenched problems,
layers of problems, and emotionally,
she doesn't believe that things can change right now.
Or maybe it's the lack of trust in you that, you know,
you've been doing the same behaviors for maybe years or maybe even decades.
And she doesn't really believe emotionally believe that you can change,
but can these emotions change? Absolutely.
And that's the very nature of emotions in that they can change and they can also
change very, very quickly. So for example, in 90% of the cases that I take,
you know,
most of my students start off in the state where their wife's has really no hope
for their relationship. They've either moved out.
They've really left the relationship.
They're completely emotionally checked out.
They tell them that they have no hope that don't see any future together.
They don't believe your changes, whatever it is.
But what's interesting here is that when they make the massive transformations
in their own behavior and their own mindset and give their partner a reason to
suggest that the past doesn't equal the future,
that the future can look very different from the past that you are a permanently
changed person. What's funny is that her emotions can change as well,
but it can only change when you give her a reason of why it can change.
And that brings me into my third point,
which is that the changes that you make needs to be real,
it needs to be genuine, not fake contrived or playing out a script.
Basically you have to understand that this is a very emotional game,
meaning that you can't just tell this to her. You kind of just tell her, Hey,
I'm changing. Hey, things are different. The future can be different paths.
Doesn't always equal the future. You kind of just tell her this,
because if you tell her this, this is going to only appeal to her logical side,
but it's never going to appeal to the emotional side,
but it's that emotional side that we want to appeal to.
And so how do we actually appeal to the emotional side? Well, for one,
you got to show her that you're bettering yourself for the sake of bettering
yourself. You know, she needs to believe that your changes are genuine.
Your changes are real and they're permanent.
And she cannot feel that the changes are permanent and real.
If she can sense deep down that you're simply making your changes because you
want her back.
If the intention behind you bettering yourself is that you want her back,
then she can smell that she'll be very suspicious.
And she'll continue to question you to say, Hey,
I don't want you to make these changes because you want me back.
I want you to make these changes because you're going to be a change person.
I want to make sure that when I do come back to you,
that the changes will stick.
And the only way of conveying this to her in a proper way and appeal to our
emotions here is if you truly deep down shift your reasoning for
bettering yourself away from getting your front or back into simply bettering
yourself for the sake of bettering yourself and only then can your approaches,
can your actions seem genuine and only then can she really emotionally believe
you?
And part of this is also your ability to come from a place of want rather than
need. So the main question here is,
can you walk away from the relationship and stay motivated in bettering yourself
fully motivated when your partner still wants to divorce you?
When the outcome that you want is not there yet. And if you can walk away,
then you're coming from a place of want,
and that's a place of more genuine change. But if you cannot walk away,
if you get unhinged,
if you get panicked every single time she threatened to divorce,
then she knows that you're still coming from a place of need.
And when you're coming from a place of need,
she will continuously sense and be suspicious of your intentions to change.
She'll always think that you're doing this because you're still trying to get
her back and he won't feel genuine and she can smell that and it will stink.
And the last thing you need to make sure to do here is to make the massive and
insane transformation in yourself and convince her through your actions,
through your changes here, that the past doesn't always equal the future.
Now there's a whole question, whole video topic around,
what does it actually mean to make insane changes in yourself? You know,
a lot of men, for example,
think that simply bettering yourself is just simply painting.
Let's say a good picture in social media show that you're happy show that you're
positive, maybe be more successful at work, go to the gym and work out,
lose weight, gain muscle or whatever, but it goes much deeper than that.
You need to be able to become the man who can give her the emotional safety to
emotional needs that she wants, the admiration that she wants and so on.
So if you want more resources on what bettering yourself actually means,
then I want you to stay until the end of the video.
And I'm going to give you a few resources that you can use to get a clear
picture of what it means to actually better yourself in a way that touches her
heart, touches her emotions and appeals to those emotions that we want.
And the last thing here is some perspective that I want you to think about.
And this is an insight that I have after watching hundreds of men go through
this journey of rebuilding the relationship from the ground up and creating a
thriving relationship from the ground up from a state where it's broken is that
I want you to understand the difference between being proud of your relationship
versus being simply grateful. So most people, I think,
think of a relationship like a vase, someone that, you know,
when you have a broken vase, you can try and amend it back up again,
but there'll will always be this cracks, this imperfections.
And it will never be as nice or as beautiful or as rosy as it was before.
But what I found is that this is actually quite bullshit.
It's actually quite far from the truth. You know, there's a lot of people,
for example, in this world who are born rich,
or there's a lot of people who begin their romantic journey with a dream
relationship, you know,
their relationship has been great from the start and they continue being great
from the very beginning.
And there's people who are born and here started out with a great relationship.
They can feel grateful about what they have and they can feel happy about what
they have. Sure. But there's one thing that can get,
and that's the feeling of pride because the truth is you can only feel proud of
something. If you have poured your own blood, your own sweat,
and your own tears into fighting for something. For example, I wasn't born rich.
I wasn't born extremely privileged and I had to fight for my business.
For example, I had to grow through taking some minimum wage jobs.
I have to go through a couple of where as I was trying to build this business
right now, I had to go through like making no money,
basically no revenues for a couple of years.
And it was a real struggle and also had to fight through rebuilding my own
relationship as well because when my relationship started,
it was a nightmare as well.
But because I fought through those challenges to build my business,
despite those challenges,
and because I fought through those challenges to rebuild my relationship to
where it is today,
not only can I reach a place where I can feel grateful for what I have and happy
about what I have, but I can also reach a place where I can honestly say,
I can feel proud of what I have proud of what I've built.
And that's a much more beautiful feeling.
And that's not something that anyone can say,
especially when they're simply given a good relationship from their start.
So on this to motivate you here. And that, you know,
when you mend your relationship, when you fix your relationship,
it isn't like a broken face where it will always be this less perfect version of
what it was before.
I want to open your mind to the possibility that it can actually become better
than what you imagined,
because now you can only when you feel grateful about it,
but it's something that you can cherish.
You can feel proud of because you have done the work,
you have poured your own blood, sweat,
and tears to rebuilding that relationship.
And if you want to learn more skills and more mindset so that your actions can
see more genuine here,
that you can appeal to our emotions in a very genuine way,
and actually invite her to come back into your relationship in a much more
effective way. And if you want to learn skills and techniques,
to be able to do this properly as well,
then you want to join me in my free masterclass on the five proven steps to
rebuilding your relationship from the ground up. And in this master class,
you will learn the exact same processes that all my students have learned and
what I have used as well to rebuild my own relationship from the ground up.
I'm going to show you how to simplify your problems in your relationship and why
perhaps a lot of your approaches that you tried so far have not worked for you,
and also want to give you some key mindset shifts that you can take away with
you so that you can take the first steps to completely changing your approach
for your relationship for the better.
So this master class sounds interesting to you.
Then you can click the link above my head or down in the comments or in this
question box below this video. And if you're looking for a free guide,
a free resource that can help you lead conversations better in your
relationship, especially the difficult ones that you're going to have.
And this very difficult situation that you're in,
in the brink of divorce and ensure that your conversation has never escalated
into arguments or, you know, going a bad direction,
basically where it destroys the relationship.
Even more than you want to download my free guide on how to open and heal your
partner's emotions above my head or in the comments or description box below
this video as well.
And if you're looking for a community where you can get support or ask your
questions and actually get good answers to your questions,
then you can join me in my free Facebook group where you can post those
questions and actually get good advice from other members of the community or
myself even. And if you want to join that Facebook group,
the link is also done below this video or in the comments below as well.
In the meantime, do leave a comment.
I do want to hear from you on what did you find eyeopening most inspiring most
insightful about this video, leave a comment below.
I'd love to hear your thoughts and meantime, um,
if you liked this video and found it to be valuable,
go ahead and like it and subscribe to this channel for more content like this
one for now, I'll leave you with this two other videos.
They can equip you with more skills and more knowledge to be able to thrive in
your relationship for the long haul for now though.
I'll see you in the next video.