Hi, everybody.
Hi, it's Ellen, coming to you through the magic
of television, via the magic of Wi-Fi,
combined with the magic of some elastic waistband pants.
[LAUGHS]
A lot of change since we started quarantine.
We've been more isolated.
We've started considering a meal to be a bag of Cheetos
and a chewable vitamin.
[LAUGHS]
I don't know about you, but I brush one tooth every hour just
to have something to do.
I think we're all looking for something familiar right now.
So I wanted to do something that you may recognize
from my regular show, back when things were simpler,
back when people were wearing, you know,
other things than elastic pants, back
when only masks were worn by superheroes and the weird woman
on the center seat in the plane.
[LAUGHS]
So I thought we could play an old favorite.
We're going to play Five Second Rule, Quarantine Edition.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
That's-- that's not really the song.
Do you know the song, Andy?
Yeah, but I can't remember.
Just give me the first word.
I'll know it.
If.
(SINGING) If I could turn back time, oh, oh, run away.
Mhm.
[LAUGHS]
That's it.
OK.
All right.
Obviously, we need two players.
And luckily, I have two-- tWitch and Andy.
Hi.
There you are.
Hey, I'm ready.
All right.
Here we go.
OK.
You stand at the window so I can see you.
You both know how to play.
I'm going to ask the question about the quarantine.
And then you have five seconds to give me an answer.
All right?
How do I buzz?
You don't buzz in.
It's five seconds.
And I--
All right.
Fine.
But you should do it in five seconds and I'll--
OK, got it.
I'll tell you if time is--
Got it.
OK?
Got it.
Yeah.
All right.
tWitch, ready?
OK, yes.
Name three things that you're glad you stocked up
on before the quarantine.
Pop-Tarts, strawberry TWIZZLERS, and--
uh--
[IMITATES BUZZING NOISE]
[BUZZ]
You didn't make it in time.
Andy--
Yeah?
--name three things you wish you'd stocked up
on before the quarantine.
Toilet paper, hair gel--
[IMITATES BUZZING NOISE]
[BUZZ]
tWitch, name three things that you miss
about going out into the world.
Hugging people, handshakes, and going to the gym.
[IMITATES BUZZING NOISE]
[BUZZ]
Aw, come on.
What was the last one?
It doesn't matter.
He didn't get it.
What was the last one?
Going to the gym.
No, you-- just right after the buzzer.
Andy?
Yeah, go.
Name three things you're going to do when this is over.
Hug you, Ellen; hug all our co-workers and thank them--
[IMITATES BUZZING NOISE]
Jesus.
[BUZZ]
Who's keeping the time?
This feels like--
I am.
I'm counting on--
It feels like a--
Five seconds on my fingers.
OK, it feels like a quick five seconds to me.
I think it's pretty close to it, if we go back and check.
OK.
tWitch, name three nicknames that you would not want.
Stank-Stank, Poo-Poo, and Get Out of Here.
[IMITATES BUZZING NOISE]
What was the last one?
I know I beat that one.
Get Out of Here.
I don't know.
That's a nickname?
I wouldn't want it.
It doesn't matter.
He didn't get it.
You got it right on the buzzer.
You have one point, tWitch.
Andy?
Yeah.
Same question.
What was it?
Oh, my God.
[LAUGHS]
It's been like 10 seconds.
You know how my brain works.
It was five seconds.
It's a five second rule game.
All right, so ask the question.
All right.
Three nicknames you would not want.
Dummy, Slowpoke, Average Andy.
Oh.
[LAUGHS]
Wow, you made it in time.
It's time.
Did it.
Nailed it.
One-one.
Yep.
tWitch, name three celebrities you'd want to quarantine with.
Beyoncé and Jay-Z, Will Smith and Jada, for an extra point.
OK.
That's four people.
That's great.
You don't want to be with me?
Of course.
I mean, I thought--
I thought you were saying like besides you.
Because we're kind of quarantining right now, kinda.
I'm taking a point away from you.
[LAUGHS]
So I'm winning?
But you have an extra point because you named four people.
But then I'm going to take two points away
because none of them were me.
So you're minus one.
All right.
Wow.
Andy?
Yes.
Yep, it's a cruel world.
Go.
Andy, name three people you'd love
to nurse you back to health.
[LAUGHS] The Rock, you, and my wife.
Oh, that's a point.
You did it in time.
tWitch, name three things that you like about staying home.
Time with the kids, time with my wife, and time with my dogs.
Yep.
You made it.
So you're zero, even, because you were minus 1.
You were minus one.
You can do minus one point?
Yeah.
Because I wasn't in there.
Andy?
Yeah.
Name three things that you don't like about staying home.
Ooh, boredom, eating nonstop, missing everybody.
[IMITATES BUZZING NOISE] All right, right on time.
tWitch--
Score?
You're still one point ahead.
Great.
tWitch, name three things you haven't
done since the quarantine but you
thought you were going to do.
High fives, handshakes, and hugs.
All right.
That's a point.
I wonder if people are still watching?
It's hard to say.
[LAUGHTER]
Well, let's just do it for us.
All right.
Go ahead.
Listen, if we're having fun, if we make one person happy--
Yep.
--we'll get canceled.
Yeah.
[LAUGHS]
All right.
Andy?
Yes?
Name three things you do at home that drives your wife crazy.
Talk, give my opinion, and let the kids stay up all night.
OK.
All right.
That is time.
Yeah.
So Andy has one point. tWitch, you didn't have a point
but I'm going to give you one because you're
a sweet, sweet man.
What?
And I love you.
I love you.
So it's tied.
That's how you play Five Second Rule, Quarantine Edition.
Wow.