Hi! Uh, long time no see, youtube!
What was it I used to say - "what's sewing on, everyone!"
I hope you're all doing well and staying as safe as you possibly can.
Uh... hi!
I haven't done this for such a long time - I completely am just flustered behind a camera again.
Sorry about kind of just disappearing during a pandemic... with a chronic illness...
and then not explaining what happened.
The short version of the story is that my health deteriorated a lot over the second half of 2020
to a point where i had to be hospitalized for severe malnutrition and like, really dramatic
weight loss. I - yeah, got really really sick from one of my chronic illnesses.
Basically i couldn't eat for months and I was still trying to make videos at the time,
and I just had to basically be like - I need to prioritize my health or I'm not gonna be around
anymore. I have basically been spending the past year just really focusing on my health
and recovering from severe malnutrition. No one really tells you, but when you're in starvation,
it takes a a long long time to recover. It's not like just once you can start eating again you're
fine. So I've been doing that. I basically figured out that I probably have hypermobile ehlers-danlos
syndrome and I'm working with a physiotherapist on my chronic pain, which has been so amazingly
helpful. But I've had to work really hard on getting my body back to a place where I'm not
injuring and subluxing all of my joints basically every day. And I also have been treating my
extremely bad PMDD - pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder - by going into an early chemical
menopause. SO I have been doing a lot of just resting, and looking after my health, and I'm
finally at a point where I feel stronger than I've been in years - and I'm like literally so
worried about saying that because I'm like - I'm gonna jinx myself so if everyone could just like
touch wood right now - I'm touching a chair - that would be great! Also just having a year away from
the demands of being a public figure, I've really had a lot of time to just
do a lot of self-work and I've realized that... I am not cis. I identify as non-binary or demi
girl - I heard someone use "demi girl flux" and I was like, "ooh, that's cool, sounds like a
cyborg!" But I really like that term to kind of describe how I feel about my gender. I've been
using they/them pronouns and it's been amazing! I used to just dissociate all the time and I used
to think it was because of having pain, having chronic pain all the time, but uh - turns out
as soon as I started using they/them pronouns and not thinking of myself as a woman
I stopped dissociating! And I've never felt as comfortable or confident in my own skin
ever before. Also just really coming to terms that I'm bisexual and, I don't know,
that's been really nice! I just - I just wanted to let you all know that,
both so you can use the right pronouns for me and also because it's just been this amazing
thing for me as well and - I'm really doing like so so well, and it's - it was the best
decision I've ever made to take time off work. I mean, I think if I hadn't taken a year off work
I - I wouldn't be here today. So it was definitely necessary! But I'm also just very grateful that
I could! And that - like, I'm broke! I'm very broke! but Luci has been able to work,
and it's been good because he doesn't have to care for me 24/7 all the time now that - basically,
I would make videos and, and be sewing all the time and I'd have to take SO many pain medications
to even do that! Like, yeah. Luci pretty much had to put me back together every evening, and
he doesn't have to do that anymore! He can work! It's just - everything is so much better for me,
personally. Also I am enjoying sewing more than I have in a long time! And I'm also - I've gotten
so much better at it! Working in sewing and doing tutorials did make me - I loved it! - But
it made me stagnate with my sewing skills, I guess because I really just had to make videos at such a
fast pace, and I had to just use the skills I already had, and it it really stopped me from
taking time to learn and develop new skills. And I've been able to just learn so much more
and make some of the best things i think I've ever made [this year]! Here's - while i keep talking,
I'll put up some little photos of the things I've made this year (if I've taken pictures of them).
But yeah basically - I'm really glad to still be alive and still be here. And I - yeah, honestly
stopping working was probably the best decision I've made for myself. I miss it! I miss it a lot!
I really - I just can't describe how glad I am that I got to have the experience of working on
Youtube. I got to do the most amazing things and have the most amazing opportunities because of it!
I met people from all over the world, I made some of my best friends that you might have seen in my
"Making my Wedding Dress" series: The Sewing Friends! I got to go to Vidcon and meet a
bunch of people who watch my videos and that was one of the most amazing experiences of my
life! I got to be on a panel with Hank Green - I think that was the moment where I was like: I
have peaked [giggles]. But I got burnt out! I got really burnt out! I got really sick! And, I think
I'm gonna move on to other things! One thing that I've discovered that I really love doing lately
is burlesque dancing! I am just in love with it. I feel like I found my new calling!
I basically started classes a few months ago and I'm just - I love everything about it, right,
it's just perfect for me! I mean - the the vintage style, vintage lingerie, the costuming, I get to
make all my own costumes: like I even make just my outfits for like classes! I love dancing - just
everything about it is fantastic! I still don't know what I want to do with my life
now - maybe I'll get really into costuming and start doing commissions? Maybe I'll do
in-person sewing classes in Sydney once it becomes safe enough to do so? Maybe I'll sell patterns?
I don't know! I feel like after a year of not working, I'm finally feeling that inspiration
come back to me, and getting really excited about different possibilities of things that I
can - cool things I can do in the future! If you do want to keep up with me and
whatever I end up doing you can follow me on my public Instagram which is @littlepineneedle . If
I taught you how to sew or taught you something interesting and you have the financial means,
I still have a Kofi account where you can buy me a coffee - basically ,send me three dollars - it
would be really helpful for me while I am trying to figure out what I want to do with my life!
Just to kind of help me afford my meds and stuff - because oh my god they're getting expensive. And
also, as I'm editing this, I realized I forgot to mention Merch as well - the merch i have on DFTBA:
once it's gone, it's gone! So if you want to buy some, it'll both support me and - you can, I
don't know, have a little little memory of my Youtube channel. Yeah! And with that,
this might be the last ever video I put on Youtube. Thank you for everything. I didn't
think I would get this emotional! Thanks for being here on this part of my journey,
and it's been so wonderful to meet so many of you. And, stay crafty everyone. And stay safe!
Bye! ... "I've apparently made a pair of really large fuzzy blue underwear!"
[upbeat electronic music]
"I think i did this a little bit too well..."
"Look - i did try really hard to film this seriously for you guys... buuuut -"
[Boop! boop boop boop boop boop boop!]
[awkward knees slapping plastic sounds]
"Hey, it's me! So if I sound a little bit muffled, it's just because I have a bear butt in my face."
[dance music]
"Make sure to share, like and subscribe!"
Cutter shoes with punch holes - cool enough!
Sloppiness is an art of expression!
And don't forget: I feel public gaze on my back!
[Parks and Rec theme tune knockoff]
"Here's a pro tip - I used a sponge to rub the mud into the jeans -"
[dramatic music]
[dance music]
"It's happened - we've reached the singularity -
we finally achieved total cutout."
Annika: "Wow what a great video!"
Luci:"Yep, nothing weird about that!"
Luci: "Classic content."
"What have i made?? Ta-da!"
Annika: "So this was a suggestion -"
Luci: "ooooh, that bear's legs are way too long! Pass!"
[laughing]
Annika [whispering]: "Don't tell them about our robo sharks!"
Thanks for watching!
It was nice to have you here!
And I'll see you all next time!
Stay crafty everyone!
[different Annika's saying bye]