Episode LXIX Inappropriate Star Wars Toys
It is a period of mass consumerism. Darth Lucas stopped making films and started making 2 hour commercials to sell Star Wars toys to the peaceful people of planet Earth.
There was a great disturbance in the FORCE! Consumers started noticing that the Star Wars toys were highly inappropriate. These toys were NOT the toys you were looking for!
For this list, All Things Top 5 ranks the Top 5 most INAPPROPRIATE Star Wars toys in the galaxy!
Number 5 C-3P OH MY!
In 1978, Topps released a series of Star Wars trading cards where one card in particular
showed C-3PO emerging from an oil bath and appeared to be anatomically correct.
In 2007, the official Star Wars website explained that the image was nothing more than a fluke.
According to the Lucasfilm-endorsed explanation, as C-3PO was being lifted out of the oil bath,
a piece of the costume became loose at the precise moment the photo was taken, giving
the character the appearance that this protocol droid had a well-endowed golden rod.
Finally answering the question, do droids suffer from shrinkage?
Number 4 Dive “Sticks”!
Target was forced to apologize after the release of the Star Wars: The Force Awakens toys that
instantly drew comparisons to a variety pack of mushroom missiles.
With their long slender shafts and rounded, helmet-shaped heads, these phallic objects
were aimed towards children.
These Imperial pocket rockets were described as “sculpted dive sticks” and “fun IN
and OUT of the pool!”
And most likely fun back IN again!
After customers took to Facebook to complain, a spokesperson for Target released a statement
apologizing for the rather bizarre swimming apparatus.
One parent asked, “Are we sure these are children’s toys, Target?
Looks a little questionable to me.”
At least Star Wars is finally appealing to their female audience!
Number 3 Upskirt Yoda!
After the release of Empire Strikes back, toy maker Kenner was eager to cash in on the
new break out star, Master Yoda.
Turning him into a Magic 8 Ball that dispenses wisdom in Yoda-speak seemed like a no brainer.
The problem was that the Force was not strong with the execution.
In order to find the answers you seek, young children had to shake Yoda, flip him upside-down,
gaze down his Jedi robes, and have his 900 year old shriveled Dagobah balls give you
the answer.
Kids did not buy this toy in droves, and this bargain basement Magic 8 Ball made its slow
descent down the Sarlacc pit.
Number 2 BDSM Leia!
A scantily clad Princess Leia action figure has left parents outraged after it was discovered
in yet another Target store.
Hasbro’s “Star Wars Black Series Princess Leia Figure” shows Leia dressed in her famous
golden bikini from the iconic Jabba the Hutt slave scene in “Return of the Jedi.”
That's right little girls, if you want to play with a doll of one of the most iconic
sci-fi heroines, you're going to have to play with the most sexualized scantily-clad version
of her.
It’s not like there was an even more iconic version of Princes Leia.This sequence is a
bit of a soft-core skin flick dropped in the middle of a kids’ adventure story.
Golden Bikini?
Check!
Loin Cloth?
Check!
Chain around the neck?
Check!
Safe word?
Apparently, Jabba didn’t have one.
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Number 1 Jar Jar Tongue Sucker!
For those who couldn’t stomach the Phantom Menace’s incredibly irritating Jar Jar Binks,
the Sith Lords over at Cap Candy thought the character would be more palatable in a raspberry
flavor.
Dubbed the “Jar Jar Fleshlight”….I mean “Jar Jar Tongue Sucker,” this disturbing
looking lollipop features a suckable tongue poking out of Jar Jar’s mouth.
It didn’t help that the lollipop was designed with kids in mind or that Jar Jar Binks’
tongue was the kind of shade of red that brings to mind some sort of Gungan venereal disease.
The product was so bad that the head of marketing called the actor who voiced Jar Jar and apologized
for adding insult to injury to his already destroyed career.
Even Mark Hamill has called out the “Jar Jar Tongue Sucker” as the goofiest Star
Wars item ever!
Do you agree or disagree with our list?
Have these toys been taken over by the Dark Side of the Force?
Comment below and watch our other videos and subscribe to All Things Top 5!