Are you negotiating with a narcissist or in the process of negotiations or you're
going to have to, and you want to know how to spot malicious intent when you're dealing with
a narcissist in your negotiations. By the end of this video, you're going to know exactly how
to spot that malicious intent and be able to shut it down before it takes its hold on you.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zang and I've been recognized as one of the top attorneys in the country. And I
have a couple of bestselling books Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R. and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step
Divorce Guide. And I have dedicated my life, my channel, my resources, and everything that I do
to helping you get out of that relationship with that narcissist in a way that allows you to feel
whole and complete and feel like there was an equitable or a fair result,
something that you can actually walk away with and embrace a life of freedom, possibility,
and purpose. So if you are ready to do that and you want the tips and the tricks and the resources
on how to do that, you should subscribe right now. Subscribe, hit the notification bell and then
you'll get notified. All right. So you are getting ready to deal with a narcissist and you're in the
middle of drama, trauma and chaos, for sure. And you can't even think straight half the
time because you're under siege. That's what happens when you go into the discard phase
of a narcissistic relationship. Remember, there's the love bombing, then there's the devaluing,
then there's the discarding. And if you want to know more about those three phases,
definitely check out my videos on each one of those topics. But when you're in that discard
phase, that's when you start to see the birth of the smear campaign and all these things
are coming at you at once. And when you are in that phase, the narcissist basically wants to
take you down. They want to get you before you get them. So you're going to start to see them doing
things. They're going to start lining up their flying monkeys, meaning these third party. What
flying monkeys are was a reference to The Wizard of Oz and the wicked witch had her flying monkeys
and these people who are just sort of like sat on the side of the evil person and just kind of went
along and didn't really realize what was going on. And that's what flying monkeys actually really
are. I mean, there are people that the narcissists lined up to be on their side or against you and in
their perfect world, both. On their side and against you, which is perfect for them. And
they want you to feel like you are ganged up on. They want you to feel like you are isolated, that
you are out of it, that you're excluded, there's nothing more for you because they want you to be
suffering. I've actually had somebody who said, I think that he wants me to kill myself. That's not
the case actually, because if you did that, then they wouldn't have any more narcissistic supply.
What they really want is to just make you miserable. They get off on that. It's totally
sick. I mean, but that's what it is for them. They actually kind of get a high out of making people
miserable and that's why they drag out litigation. That's why the negotiation process takes so long.
I have a private Facebook group, which by the way, you are certainly welcome to join,
it's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung. And I did a survey in there and ask people,
"How long did your litigation take? How much did it cost you?" And do you know that a huge
percentage of people said it costs more than $100,000 and it took more than three years.
Why do you think that is? Because you are dealing with a narcissist in negotiation at that point.
And what's driving them? It's not to come to a nice resolution. It's not even to win.
No, full of news flash for you. A narcissist is not in it just to win. They are in it to
make you miserable, to devalue you, to squash you, to hurt you, to hurt you before you hurt them,
to make sure that everybody knows that whatever happened with the relationship was
your fault and that they're the perfect ones, and that you're the villain. They might even call you
the narcissist. You never know, but that's what's going on. So when you are in this entire process
of negotiation, what are some signs of malicious intent? One of the very first big, huge honking
bread, arrows should be that they constantly move the goalposts. And why do they constantly
move goalposts? Well, if you want to know more about that, you should definitely check out my
video on why narcissist constantly move goalposts? But why do they do that? They do that because they
enjoy the process of making you squirm, manipulating you, intimidating you, scaring you,
dragging it out. And so what does moving the goalposts mean? It means that you will get some
kind of an offer from them. And even if you go back and you say, "I'll take exactly your offer
word for word. Every single thing that you put in your offer, I accept." They'll come back with,
"Sorry. That's no longer available," or it's available but I'm adding this
or I'm taking away that. And why do they do that? They do that because
it drives you crazy because it allows them to continue to
lead you around by the nose. It's like a little ring in your nose that they're leading you around
by. They love it. And they love seeing you squirm and they love asserting that control over you.
So that's a huge red flag that you're dealing with someone who has malicious intent is
constantly moving the goalposts. And if you think that what they're doing is so
sick, give me a so sick in the comments. The second big red flag that you know that you're
dealing with somebody who has malicious intent in a negotiation is you see these ultimatums like
right from the beginning. I just recently had this, I was representing a woman
in a divorce and her very malignant narcissistic husband was coming in to
negotiate. We had a mediation set up and he comes in and he starts right off with, "I want my dogs
back." Now, these dogs that he had, he wasn't taking care of, they were starving and his
adult daughter went and got the dogs and brought them to her house and refused to give them to him.
This wasn't even anything that my client had anything to do with,
other than the fact that she's on better terms with the daughter than he is.
And he starts off the mediation saying, "I'm not doing anything today until I get my dogs back. I
want the dogs, go get the dogs, go bring them to me," and everybody's supposed to scatter around
and do exactly what he wants. He really was trying to show the world, everybody there that he's in
charge, that this is how this is going to go. "I'm in charge of the day." And so he picks something
that was quite ridiculous and made everybody squirm about it. And here's the mediator over
talking to us and saying, "What can you do about the dogs?" And my client's on the phone with
the daughter, can you get the dogs? Can you do something with the dogs? And the daughter's like,
"I'm not giving up the dogs." So here we spent the first hour and a half of the mediation,
not even talking about anything that has to do with the divorce.
There is a very huge red flag of somebody who had malicious intent. His intent was to control,
his intent was not to come to a peaceful and reasonable resolution of that case. So
that's another huge red flag is that you see these ultimatums happening right away. And a third red
flag that somebody has malicious intent is that they're not actually coming to the table. They're
not trying to mediate at all. They just are constantly dragging out the case, more discovery,
sending out motions, doing all these things, but you can't get them to actually come to the table
and have a conversation with you about resolving the case or the issue, whatever it is. What is it
that you want? They don't give you an offer. They just completely avoid the entire conversation.
There's another example of malicious intent. So if you are getting ready to negotiate with
a narcissist or with anyone, make sure to grab my free, Crush My Negotiation prep worksheet.
Do not walk into the room without it, and you can get that at winmynegotiation.com.
As I mentioned, you can join my private Facebook group, Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca
Zung. I'd love to see you in there. And if you like this video, give it a like, give it a share,
drop me a comment. Let us know how your negotiations are going, or you can just say
so sick if you think that they're so sick. So, and make sure you subscribe and hit the notification
bell. I'm so glad you stopped by my channel today. If you're dealing with a narcissist,
you need all the light, courage and support that you can get and we're sending it all to you. So
remember, today's a great day to start negotiating your best life. I'll see you in the next video.