CHRISTINE LIU: I like to think that I'm so, so self-aware
and so, so proactive, and I'll make all the changes
that I need to make.
But I'm not that person.
I need feedback, I need something
to tell me that I need to change, and then I'll react.
When I ask for feedback it tends to be really, really casual.
So, I've been making these YouTube videos.
What do you think?
I know that's not the best way to ask for feedback,
but that's usually how it ends up coming out.
And then the response is something like--
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
Stuff like this is not helpful.
I want you to give me the truth.
That said, it does make me a little anxious.
Like, what if it's feedback I didn't expect?
What if it's something that really hurts?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I want to learn three key things here.
How do I ask for quality feedback?
How do I react to the feedback, especially if it's painful?
And ultimately, how do I put it into action?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Before we get started, this episode
is brought to you by Microsoft.
Microsoft's mission is to empower every person
and organization on the planet to achieve more.
But it's nothing without the people behind it.
Watch and read some of the stories of the people
behind the mission at microsoftlife.com.
OCTAVIA GOREDEMA: Hearing something that's
not so great-- it does stink.
And you could even say, I just need
some time to reflect on this.
And that gives you the time and space.
You may need to go and vent with a friend, and that's fine, too.
[LAUGHS] We're only human.
CHRISTINE LIU: That's Octavia Goredema.
She's a career coach, and she's the founder of Twenty Ten
Agency based in Los Angeles, California.
They focus on career advancement and accelerating diversity
at big companies.
She helps people improve on workplace skills, especially
ones that are super foundational, like feedback.
From a tactical perspective, how do I ask for feedback?
OCTAVIA GOREDEMA: So the first thing
is don't be afraid to ask for feedback.
Asking for feedback is great because it
shows that you are proactive and you are accountable.
So don't be afraid to use your voice.
But the first thing to do is to perhaps-- when
you've assessed what your needs are, is to think about timing.
And when you know your needs, you'll
be able to know when you need to ask for the feedback.
Because you don't want to be asking your manager
for feedback when they're rushing
to work on another project, or they're distracted.
You want to make sure you're the timing is right.
And then also when possible, try and have a conversation.
If you're dropping a question in Slack or an email,
you might not get the same response
that you'll get if you're actually having a dialogue.
CHRISTINE LIU: Let's say I get positive feedback.
What's the right way to respond to that?
OCTAVIA GOREDEMA: Sometimes, depending on your personality,
receiving positive feedback can feel a little awkward.
And the one thing I always say is
don't diminish what that person is saying.
Don't say, oh, it was nothing.
And of course if other people are involved,
acknowledge other people as well.
But say thank you, accept it, and keep it.
I always recommend, keep that feedback.
If it was something given to you in a meeting or verbally,
jot it down somewhere safe.
If it's an email or a message, file it away and keep it
in one place, because the time will come where you might want
to go back and reflect on that, or when you're preparing
for a performance review.
CHRISTINE LIU: I always thought it was kind of creepy to keep
things like that, but--
OCTAVIA GOREDEMA: No, no, no, no, no.
Keep them, because we forget.
CHRISTINE LIU: So, when I get feedback
that I wasn't expecting, my heart starts racing.
I can feel the blood throbbing in my ears.
What if it's something that affects me deeply?
OCTAVIA GOREDEMA: It can be common to feel defensive
when that happens.
That can be a human reaction.
But do your best to try and curb that
by listening, thanking the person for the feedback,
and you could even say, I just need
some time to reflect on this.
And that gives you the time and space.
You may need to go and vent with a friend, and that's fine too.
We're only human.
And then the thing to remember is it's not
what you did or didn't do.
It's actually what you do next.
You can turn a bad situation into something great
if you take action.
Once you've reflected, you want to go back to the person
and thank them for the feedback and say,
here are some of the things I'm looking to do to address this.
Is there anything else that you would recommend?
CHRISTINE LIU: What if you receive feedback
and you disagree with it?
OCTAVIA GOREDEMA: I think being open
and objective really matters.
Listening and reflecting matters,
but then considering where that feedback is coming from.
CHRISTINE LIU: Octavia says that the relationship
with your manager is key.
If you disagree with the feedback,
it's possible you don't quite see eye to eye with your boss,
and you might disagree on fundamental stuff
like your role or your responsibilities.
If that's true, it's probably time
to have a conversation about that.
OCTAVIA GOREDEMA: Oh my goodness, our roles
can change so fast, and demands can change so fast.
And you might be operating in a certain way,
and all of a sudden expectations have shifted
and that might not have been communicated clearly.
CHRISTINE LIU: What do you do if you are really open,
and you're listening, but the other party is like,
oh, you're doing a great job, there are no problems.
There's really not a lot of substance.
Is there something you can ask, or are there magic words
that kick in that next gear?
OCTAVIA GOREDEMA: It comes back to your needs
though, Christine.
So, if you need the feedback for validation, that's one thing.
If you need that feedback so that you
can grow into another role, that's different.
And so you might need to provide the context for that person
as to why you're asking for the feedback
so that they understand.
CHRISTINE LIU: OK.
I feel ready for accepting feedback, good or bad.
And also I have some techniques up my sleeve
to extract more usable feedback than the ordinary, "great job."
OCTAVIA GOREDEMA: Just know that, yes, feedback matters,
but good and bad feedback are building blocks
to help you do your best work.
CHRISTINE LIU: Practice time.
When I'm looking for feedback for this show, Christine
vs. Work, I think that I have two main needs.
So, one, I want to improve the show.
And then two, I personally want to develop my hosting skills.
I want to get way more comfortable and more effective.
We're going to have a meeting on the schedule.
It's not going to be like a casual slack.
I want it to be a time that we can have, prepare for it.
OK, so let's say I get great feedback.
I should not throw it under the rug.
Take it.
Take the complement.
Do not say, oh, yeah, that was nothing.
Let's say I get feedback that kind of surprises me, or kind
of hits a little close to home.
So, take a deep breath.
Acknowledge, thank them for the feedback.
Thank you.
I really appreciate that feedback.
I might need some time to reflect on it.
So, buying time.
Do not look upset or disappointed or angry or
defensive.
OK.
You set up a follow-up meeting, and you can say, hey, thank you
so much.
I really appreciate that feedback.
It gave me a lot to think about.
So I put together a plan and maybe some actions
that I could take to address those issues that you raised.
And practice is good.
It's good to say those words out loud,
and everything's going to be OK.
It's not going to be the end of the world,
even though I feel that way.
I think-- are we ready?
Am I ready?
Let's do this.
[BELL CLANGS]
I wanted to sit down with you because I would really
appreciate your feedback, as the editor of Ascend,
for Christine vs Work.
I'm looking for feedback from you
particularly because I appreciate
your point of view and sensibility
on this type of content.
But for me, I want the show itself to be awesome,
and also I just want to make sure
that I'm representing and being the best host that I can be.
So I always want to improve.
I don't want to pretend that I have nowhere to grow.
So I'm always looking for suggestions or ways
that I can be a better host to the show.
PAIGE COHEN: Thank you for asking.
I really appreciate you taking the time
to listen to my feedback.
And I mean, to be honest, I've been
looking through your episodes and I
am finding it hard to find a lot of critique to say any, I mean,
quote unquote "negative feedback."
I'm like, I don't want to pull at strings
and just give it to you if I don't see it.
I think that you're just doing an awesome job as a host.
I think like you're really opening the doors
for like what HBR can be on YouTube through the Ascend
brand.
CHRISTINE LIU: Yeah, no.
I totally understand what you're saying,
and I really appreciate that feedback.
It sounds like it's mostly positive.
Do you have just like, uh, I guess the least favorite parts
of the shows?
PAIGE COHEN: I think when it's just the interviews,
it's helpful to hear the advice.
But if I don't see the advice put into action,
I am usually less engaged in the episode.
CHRISTINE LIU: Do you have any ideas or suggestions
on how I, as the host, could make the interview level up
a little bit?
PAIGE COHEN: Like, as a viewer there's
a lot of times when you want to know about, like, oh,
but that's really good advice.
But what about this situation or this situation
I find myself in?
And sort of considering the most difficult scenarios
that you might be able to bring up with people to really
challenge them.
CHRISTINE LIU: Anything else you want to add?
PAIGE COHEN: While there is always room to improve,
I think that you're just really killing it.
And so I just hope you walk away feeling really good about that.
CHRISTINE LIU: I have my two bits of feedback-- usable
feedback from Paige.
Thank you so much.
The most important thing is that I work on it,
I show that I am trying to improve it, and then display,
hey, these are the things that I did
and this is a marked improvement from when we talked about this.
I'm hearing Octavia's voice in my head
where it's like, it's not what the feedback is--
OCTAVIA GOREDEMA: It's actually what you do next.
CHRISTINE LIU: Speaking of feedback, I really value yours.
So what do you think, dear viewer, about the show?
What do you think about me as the host?
What do you think about all these things?
I read every single comment you guys leave, so please,
be honest.
You can tell me anything.
I accept it, and I will work on it.
So, go for it.
If you're still watching, one, thank you.
But two, I'm really curious--
what do you want me to explore?
What problems do you have at work?
I'd love to solve them.
Please leave a comment.
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
And if you have any other ideas, throw them my way.
All right, peace out.