Hello, Brains!
At school you get assigned a lot of projects, and they teach you a lot of things:
how to delegate, how to work with others, that taking care of an egg baby is a lot harder than it looks...
(baby crying)
You know what they don't teach you? That you can say no to a project.
(theme music)
In school, you're expected to do every project you're assigned,
(off-screen: "ahem!")
whether you have time to or not, so it's no wonder that in life
we might feel the same way.
Add that to the fact that ADHDers often:
1) get excited about new challenges
2) don't have the best sense of how long things actually take, and
3) tend to be people-pleasers who have a hard time saying "no,"
and you can see how we might end up taking on way more projects than we can possibly ever get done.
(sheepish "boing" noise)
On top of the whole starting-too-many-projects issue, there's also the fact that
completing a project relies on a lot of things that those of us with ADHD have trouble with.
(thump, followed by a crash)
Let's face it:
A lot of the time, the projects that don't engage our brain end up half-done or turned in late
and those that do excite us we end up hyperfocusing on
to the point that the rest of our lives fall apart in the process,
which means we fall behind on our goals and
often take on more or bigger projects to try and make up for lost time
...or income.
It's a vicious cycle, and it's one it's time to break.
So what's a Brain to do?
How do we get projects done on time without them taking over our lives?
Simple: Do fewer projects.
Sure, there are some projects that you can't say no to...
that egg baby was probably one of them...
(old-timey music)
But plenty of them are our decision whether or not to take on.
As I like to say: I did this to myself...
Would I like to get all these things done? Yes!
But as many successful people will tell you: "If you want to do more, do less."
How?
By learning to evaluate whether or not a project is worth taking on in the first place.
So how do we decide which projects to work on and which to pass on?
Well, time is a limited resource,
just like money is a limited resource.
So how do you decide what to buy?
Think about it.
If you saw something you liked at the store, you wouldn't just get in line to buy it
without checking to see how much it costs... right?
Unless you knew for sure you could afford it.
Because it would be a waste of time to pick it up,
get in line, stand in line,
wait for the cashier to train a new person,
get rung up for it,
only to find out you don't have the money to pay for it.
Even if you do have the money, you have to decide if it's worth it.
Twenty dollars might be a lot for a book,
but then again, you'll get a lot more hours of entertainment out of that book
than that twelve-dollar movie ticket.
If it's a really big purchase, you might even take some time to think about it.
Some people have a rule that they wait 24 hours before making a big purchase
so that they make sure that they really want/can afford it.
If over-committing is a problem for you, there's nothing wrong with doing the same thing for projects.
Consider making a rule that you'll take 24 hours to think about it before committing.
(text notification sound)
(triumphant music)
Wait. Right.
"Let me check my schedule. I will let you know tomorrow."
Send.
(text notification sound) That wasn't so bad.
Once you've bought yourself some time...
(text notification sound)
(melancholic music)
(crashing noise)
Here are four things to ask yourself before taking on a new project.
By the way, they're the exact same questions
you could ask yourself before making a big purchase.
(Double episode, whaaaaat.)
One:
What is it?
What exactly are you agreeing to?
Helping a friend move can mean lending them your truck
or it can mean a whole weekend of packing, loading, moving, unloading...
What "can you help me move?" means to them
might not be the same thing as what it means to you.
So it's a good idea to ask.
Make sure you know what you'd be committing to.
"What kind of help do you need?"
(text notification sound)
Two:
Why do I want it?
What value do you get out of doing the project?
This can be intrinsic motivation such as feeling good about helping your friend
or it can be extrinsic motivation such as your friend buying you pizza for your help.
It might not be worth it to you right away, but in six months you'll be moving
and it might be nice to be able to ask for their help in return.
Three!
How much will it cost me?
With a big project, unlike a big purchase,
it's not as easy as checking the price tag.
The main cost is usually time,
and you can't predict how much time unless
a) you've done it a bunch of times before, or
b) you break it down into pieces that you have done a bunch of times before.
A great way to break down a project is to work backwards.
Imagine your goal already completed and think about what it took to get there.
In this case, your friend is all packed up and ready for the movers.
What did you have to do for that to happen?
Stack all the packed boxes by the door,
which means you needed to pack them,
which means you needed to put them together,
which means you definitely had to remember to bring them,
which means setting reminders, which means...
Wait... you need to find them first!
That's about eight hours.
Now, double it!
What if I haven't done any of those things a bunch of times before?
Triple it!
We're not usually great at estimating time, and there's always things that we won't be able to predict.
What if there's traffic?
What if you can't find the boxes?
What if your friend insists that all their stuff has to remain in the current number of pieces?
(crashing noise) Off-screen voice: "Aw, that's broken."
Okay, you're almost done, but there's still one really important question.
Four:
How will I pay for it?
Again, time is a limited resource.
There's only so much we can realistically accomplish.
But we don't necessarily consider that when we agreed to something new,
because, unlike money, time isn't something you can save up and then spend.
It's totally on credit, and there's no bank to tell us we're over our limit.
(That would actually be a really good idea.)
We're the ones who decide how much our future selves will be responsible for
so it's helpful to look at your time budget (aka "schedule")
to see how much time you actually have to spend,
which, of course, means it would help to know how much time you've already committed to other things.
"Sleep" counts!
Yes! You!
Then figure out where it would work for you to budget in the amount of time that the project would take.
Maybe there's time Thursday, but you know that you won't have the energy after class
so, realistically, it's not gonna happen.
What about Friday?
Once you've answered these four questions, congratulations!
(successful trumpet noise)
You now have enough information to decide
if what you're getting out of a project is worth what you'll have to put into it
given everything else you've got going on.
If not, you might want to say no
or offer an alternative that does work for you.
Maybe it's too time-spensive to help pack, but you could totally drop off those boxes.
Just make sure to add it to the time budget.
Something taking less time is not the same thing as it taking no time.
I learned that the hard way.
You can use this checklist for literally any project.
Ooh, Groupon for photography classes?
Free yarn? I'm gonna knit a scarf!
I'd love to go speak in Egypt.
Hit pause and try it on a project you've been considering.
I'll wait!
Did you do it? I'm gonna assume you did it.
Congratulations! (successful trumpet noise)
You've also just done all the preparation you need to be able to get the project done,
on time, without dropping everything else to do it.
Don't believe me? Let's go back.
You figured out your goal,
your motivation for achieving it,
you've broken down all the steps you need to take to get it done,
and blocked out time to do them,
all before you've even said yes.
Post it wherever you'll need to work on it and voila!
You're set up for success.
You're welcome.
That's it for this week.
Of course, there's still one piece of the puzzle left -- actually "doing the thing" --
and that can be an ADHD obstacle course all its own.
I'll be tackling that episode...
Actually, I won't commit to it just yet.
Let me know if you're interested in it, and I'll see where I can fit it into my time budget.
(bell dings)
If you can't wait, check out this video on one of those obstacles -- perfectionism -- in the meantime.
If you liked this episode, subscribe.
And if you love this episode and want to help me make more,
consider donating to my Patreon page like these Brain Advocates did.
Thank you to all my Patreon brains for being so patient with me and continuing your support while I
tackled all the projects I over-committed to this summe.
I'll see you next week. Bye, Brains!
Question time! "You guys are getting married?"
"Can you share some of that process with us?"
Actually, yeah.
Edward and I will do a livestream for you guys a few days before our wedding, which would be
We'll answer your questions about..
Whatever you like!
Submit your questions through the link in the description created by SuperBRAIN (thank you!)
and even if you can't make it for the livestream, you might still get your questions answered.
See you Monday, Brains!