Do you know what happens when you catch a narcissist in a lie?
By the end of this video, you're going to know exactly what happens so that you'll be
ready and you'll expect it.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and the bestselling author of the books, Negotiate
Like You M.A.T.T.E.R and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step
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Now if you're dealing with a narcissist, which you obviously must be or you wouldn't be here
watching these videos, then you're dealing with a liar
because they are one and the same.
Narcissists are liars.
If you're dealing with a narcissist, you're dealing
with a liar, that's just one of those things that can't be
pulled out of their personality.
They just feel like they have to lie all the time to survive.
Remember, just to give you a little primmer on narcissism, a little Narcissism 101, narcissists
have no inner sense of value, they have to get all
their value from the external.
They get that in the form of supply, which is their life-blood, their food
source.
Supply can be money, and prestige, and compliments, but supply is also controlling,
and devaluing people, and gaslighting people, and things like
that.
They feel like they have to manipulate all the time.
They're master manipulators but the reason why they're master manipulators is because
something happened with them when they were children
and they were traumatized in some way.
They drew this conclusion that in order for them to survive in the world they have to
manipulate the world.
They just don't believe that they can just get something by just asking for it, by just
being normal, by just being reasonable, the way the rest
of the world acts.
They feel like they have to grasp onto whatever they can to in the world and they
feel like they have to manipulate that.
A big part of that is lying and they'll lie about all sorts of things,
which is the crazy thing, because they'll even lie about things
that are readily verifiable that down the road it's going to be pretty obvious that
they've lied, and so it's pretty easy to catch them in a lie.
Let's talk about the kinds of things that narcissists lie about.
One of the things that they'll lie about is they'll say I promise.
I promise that I'll take care of this, I promise that I'll do this, I promise that I'll be
faithful to you, I promise that I will show up on time, I promise, I promise, I promise.
Then they don't end up doing what they say they're going to
do or they they don't show up and then they lie about what
they were doing instead.
Or they try to get out of it in some way and they feel like they have to lie about
it.
That's number one, they say I promise.
The second type of lie that they'll tell you is it's not my fault.
They'll say, "Yeah, that happened but it wasn't my fault and here's why."
You'll hear that kind of lie all the time as well.
The third type of lie that you'll hear is, "Don't worry."
They're supposed to make you feel better because they say don't worry,
they're on top of it, they'll take care of it, whatever, and then they don't end up doing
it.
That's another type of lie that you'll hear.
Another way that they lie is gaslighting.
Gaslight is a huge biggie for narcissists.
If you want to know more about gaslighting, check out my video
on gaslighting techniques and we will definitely drop a link
to that below as well.
Gaslighting is, in short, just a way of making you think that you're crazy.
They'll say, "Oh, we talked about that, don't you
remember?
You agreed."
Or, "Oh, that's not how that went."
Or, "Oh no, this is how that went, don't you remember?"
They just are saying things to you that are just not true to manipulate your thought process
so that you start to think that you're paranoid or that
the problem is with you.
Gaslighting is another big form of lying that they engage in.
What happens when you catch a narcissist in a lie?
If you confront them what are they going to do?
Deny, deflect, devalue, and dismiss.
Those are the four D's and we're going to go
through each one of those.
Deny.
"Wasn't me, I didn't do that.
That didn't happen that way.
Nope, Nope.
Denied."
That one's pretty easy to understand, they deny it.
Number two is deflect.
"Oh, it was you."
Or it was this person or it was some other reason that it happened that way.
It was because this happened.
It was because I couldn't get there on time.
It was because this person dropped the ball.
It was because whatever.
They're deflecting it onto someone else, it wasn't
their responsibility.
Somebody else had the problem or something else was the problem.
Number three is devalue.
Now it's your fault, you are the problem.
You're the one, you caused it.
It's because of your mistakes.
It's because you were too difficult.
It was because you weren't good enough.
It was because you said something wrong.
It was because you did something wrong.
It's because you didn't do something right.
It's because you did do something that you weren't supposed to do.
Whatever.
They're going to devalue you, it was your problem or something that you did that was
wrong.
If you want to know more about devaluing, you should check out my video on narcissistic
devaluing, because it's actually one of the stages in
a narcissistic relationship; love bombing, devaluing, and
discarding.
Devaluing is a huge part of a narcissistic relationship.
Number four is dismiss, they'll just dismiss it.
"Oh, it didn't really matter.
Oh, can't we just move on?
Oh, let's just not even think about it anymore.
Let's just forget about it."
It's just swept under the rug and it's just dismissed.
Even if it was something super hurtful to you, your feelings
aren't going to be acknowledged.
They're not going to apologize to you.
They're just going to say, "Oh, too bad," and keep going.
If this all sounds familiar, give me a true that in the comments.
Just remember, if you catch a narcissist in a lie, the last thing that you're going to
get is, "Oh, you're right.
I shouldn't have said that," or, "You're right, I wasn't truthful," or, "I apologize.
I'm sure I hurt your feelings, I'm sure that that was awful for
you."
Those kinds of responses are not going to happen.
You're not going to be acknowledged for whatever they put you through.
It's going to be some version of devalue, deflect, dismiss or deny.
It's going to be one of those four things.
It's not going to have anything to do with them and the reason why is because they can't
have it take away their sense of self.
They have so little sense of self that any amount of taking responsibility for
their actions, to them is almost like dying inside, it's like survival, so you're not
going to see them take responsibility for those lies.
They're just going to figure out some way that it's not going to get pinned
onto them.
If you're getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist, go ahead and grab my free, Crush
My Negotiation Prep Worksheet, you will not want
to walk into a negotiation without it.
You can it at the link below or go to winmynegotiation.com.
If you want more support in dealing with narcissists, come on over and join me in my
free private Facebook group, it's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung.
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I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm so glad you stopped by my channel.
Remember, today is a perfect day to start negotiating your best life.
I will see you in the next video.