HOPE EVERYBODY HAD A FANTASTIC HALLOWEEN.
IT'S LATE AT NIGHT, AND IF YOU'RE LIKE MOST PEOPLE, BY NOW
YOU'VE PUT THE KIDS TO BED AND YOU'RE WORKING OUT JUST HOW MUCH
OF THEIR CANDY YOU CAN EAT WITHOUT THEM NOTICING.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) >> James: THAT'S CERTAINLY
WHAT I'LL BE DOING BY THE TIME YOU'RE WATCHING THIS.
AND SINCE YOU'RE IN THE SPIRIT, LET'S TALK ABOUT SOME HALLOWEEN
STORIES IN THE NEWS.
SHALL WE DO THAT?
NOW, ACCORDING TO ECONOMISTS, CONSUMERS SPENT $9 BILLION ON
HALLOWEEN MERCHANDISE THIS YEAR.
TO BE FAIR, THE BULK OF THAT $9 BILLION WAS SPENT BY ELTON JOHN.
THE SAME STUDY SAYS THAT AMERICANS ARE SPENDING MORE AND
MORE EACH YEAR ON PET COSTUMES.
OR AS PETS CALL THAT: HUMILIATION.
BUT IT WAS ALL WORTH IT WHEN YOU SAW THAT BIG FAT BULLDOG DRESSED
UP LIKE A BAKED POTATO.
(LAUGHTER) >> James: TOTALLY WORTH IT.
MOVING ON, THIS WAS AN ODD STORY.
A MAN IN LOUISIANA WAS ARRESTED RECENTLY WHEN POLICE FOUND A BAG
OF CRYSTAL METH ON HIS NIGHTSTAND, AND HE TOLD THE
OFFICERS THAT IT WAS PUT THERE BY A "GHOST."
(LAUGHTER) >> James: I LIKE HOW WHEN
THIS GUY WAS QUESTIONED BY POLICE, HE WAS LIKE, "OKAY, WHAT
WOULD SOMEBODY NOT ON METH SAY...
IT WAS A GHOST!" THE MAN SAID HE WAS SURE IT WAS
A GHOST, BECAUSE IT WAS A PALE, SHADOWY FIGURE MAKING SCARY,
UNINTELLIGIBLE NOISES.
THEN HE WAS LIKE, "NOW THAT I'VE SAID IT OUT LOUD, THAT WAS
PROBABLY JUST A GUY ON METH."
IT WAS PROBABLY DAVE!
IN OTHER SPOOKY NEWS, FORMER FIRST DAUGHTER JENNA BUSH HAGER
RECENTLY REVEALED AN INTERESTING FACT ABOUT LIVING IN THE WHITE
HOUSE.
SHE THINKS IT MIGHT BE HAUNTED.
NO WORD ON WHETHER IT'S STILL HAUNTED, BUT THE PERSON IN THERE
NOW SURE HAS A LOT OF SKELETONS IN HIS CLOSET.
QUHEECHIERP >> James: SHE SAID WHAT
REALLY TIPPED HER OFF WAS THE TIME SHE WOKE UP AND FOUND A BAG
OF CRYSTAL METH ON THE NIGHTSTAND.
I DON'T KNOW IF THERE ARE ANY REAL GHOSTS IN THE WHITE HOUSE,
BUT RIGHT NOW THERE'S DEFINITELY SOME PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO WEAR
WHITE SHEETS.
EXACTLY, WHOOOO OORVES!
OOOO!
TALK ABOUT THAT, NOT RACIST!
AND THIS IS SCARY, A HALLOWEEN DISPLAY AT A NORTH DAKOTA HOME
WAS SO TERRIFYING THAT CONCERNED NEIGHBORS ACTUALLY CALLED THE
POLICE.
HERE'S THE DISPLAY RIGHT HERE.
AND I WANT TO WARN YOU, IT'S PRETTY UPSETTING.
TAKE A LOOK.
>> James: I'M KIDDING.
ALTHOUGH THAT IS TERRIFYING.
THE REAL DISPLAY WAS A "HELP ME" SIGN WRITTEN IN FAKE BLOOD.
HERE'S AN ACTUAL PHOTO.
LOOK AT THAT!
I HAVE TO ADMIT, I FOUND THIS PRETTY TERRIFYING.
THE IDEA OF AN ADULT STILL GETTING THAT INTO HALLOWEEN
DECORATIONS.
THE OWNER DIDN'T GET THE HINT THOUGH.
WHEN THE SWAT TEAM KNOCKED ON THE DOOR WITH THEIR GUNS DRAWN,
SHE WAS LIKE, "OOOOH, AND WHO ARE YOU ALL SUPPOSED TO BE?"
AND FINALLY, IN PUMPKIN NEWS, OR AS PUMPKINS CALL IT, THE NEWS, I
APPRECIATE IT, PUMPKINS DON'T GET NEWS!
WHY WOULD A PUMPKIN GET THE NEWS?
I'VE EATEN QUITE A LOT OF SUGAR TODAY.
A MAN IN NEW HAMPSHIRE RECENTLY BROKE A RECORD FOR THE LARGEST
PUMPKIN GROWN IN NORTH AMERICA, WEIGHING IN AT OVER 2,500
POUNDS.
WHICH MEANS THE PREVIOUS RECORD HOLDER FOR THE WORLD'S LARGEST
PUMPKIN NOW HAS TO RETHINK HIS ENTIRE LIFE.
2,500 POUNDS!
THAT'S NOT A PUMPKIN, THAT'S A FORD FIESTA WITH A STEM.
THAT PUMPKIN IS IMPRESSIVE.
I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING THAT BIG AND ORANGE SINCE... WELL...
(APPLAUSE) >> James: COME ON, WE HAD TO
DO THAT JOKE.
IT WAS TOO EASY!