i'm glad you folks are in a great mood tonight because uh our next guest is making his
network a television debut with us and it's a big night certainly for us as
as well as he he will be appearing this weekend at uh stand up new york
uh located right here in the city what no pittsburgh stand up new york pittsburgh
ladies and gentlemen please welcome a funny man dave attel dave
thank you very much you know i'm just glad to be here and i'm glad that airline strike is over huh
oh yeah flying to me is boring oh yeah you got to make it fun here's a fun thing to do when
you're flying when the guy next to you falls asleep put your life vest on your oxygen mask
and yell we're going down you'll definitely get the arm armrest after that
one time i flew to australia it takes like two days to get there and when you get there it's
earlier than when you left when i landed i called my house i picked up the phone
i'm talking to myself i'm back in town i'm hanging out with my family you know my dad
you know when you're young you think your dad's superman and then you grow
up and you realize he's just a regular guy who wears a cape and
my dad was in the navy you know so he's got these stories you know but
he always mixes them up with other stories so you never know what he's talking about
he's like one time we were surrounded then we ran out of ammo
then we were fighting hand-to-hand then we started dancing and that's how i met your mother
he's always giving me advice you know he's like dave you can't judge a man till you
walk in his shoes when do you walk in another man's shoes bowling it's the only time right
i got some problems yeah now i'm going bald yeah i think it's the shampoo i'm using it's
called free sample and uh i got in the mail i am going ball wouldn't be so bad if there
was a reason for it like let's say under your hair written on your head are prizes
like a scratch-off game then you can win something when you go bald you'd want to
go ball to see what you won right all right i'm paul what did i win was that large fries all right
hey shave my back i'm in it to win it come on
clothes are another thing i don't understand yeah i went clothes shopping with a friend of mine
he bought a pair of overalls he's like dave what goes with this
i don't know their overalls i guess a banjo i don't know
i know what doesn't go with overalls jobs and women all right
he's my friend he's not my best friend there's a difference a friend's a guy
will help you move a best friend's a guy will help you move
a body that's how i look at it that's hard to find on the holiday oh yeah
he talked me into hitchhiking once yeah hitchhike that's the way to see america huh
bound and gagged in the trunk of a lunatic's car if you get in the car
and the guy says don't you love this song and there's no radio you got a problem
all right let's see what the next topic is
sex all right i was on a date with this really hot model just play along all right
it wasn't really a date date you know we just ate dinner saw a movie then the plane landed but
don't you ever wish you could have sex with the first person you ever had sex with again
just to show them how good you got at
i it so yeah i don't know they got these sex stores in manhattan i went into one right i
bought two pairs of edible underwear i always buy two because i usually eat one on the ride home
it's a weird town here and it's very violent you watch the news it's all violence
they should let the mafia do the news because they know what's going to happen anyway
a man was shot several times tomorrow there will be no witnesses the lottery numbers are 16 32
8 9 12. and let's say uh five congratulations vincenzo again thank you very much
very very funny really very nice thank you very much we're going to pause again we'll be right
back here ladies and gentlemen okay you were great thank you nice job very very funny dave
and come back please come back and see us anytime all right sir thank you very much
my thanks also to uh taylor dane who will be with us every night now
and uh brian gumbel tomorrow penn and teller dwight yoakam and gabriel byrne
have a wonderful thanksgiving we'll see you tomorrow night good night everybody