♪
The doctor came in, and I mean, I wasn't even looking at her,
I remember her saying, "you were told that you were,
the baby would have been high risk for downs were you not?"
And she said, "well he definitely has it."
He has this marker, this marker, this marker and
that's how quick the statements were made.
And at that point, my wife collapsed in the bathroom
and the nurse had to help her back to bed.
He automatically turned around and said,
"This is a coincidence that this has happened," and Jim says,
"what do you mean it's a coincidence?"
He said, "My wife is blind and she can't see and this is a coincidence?"
The way they told me was like, they didn't really care,
they didn't even think about how they are saying it.
He said, "it looks like you have a tumor coming out of the nose,"
and he was in a hurry, and he just talked to me for a second
and then he walked out of the room.
She said, "I just want you to know that this diagnosis
is really good because kids like "her", usually die from,
you know, this type of infection."
But what she doesn't realize is that she just categorized
my child as "kids like her,"
instead of really seeing her for who she is.
He said, "You know we told him that we are going to give him
chemotherapy, but it's going to buy time because he will die very soon."
The way he said it was very harmful and hurtful actually,
and, and I shut down, I didn't believe him.
I walked in and I was met with, "well you know you're a
big girl so this surgery is going to be difficult."
I heard what I heard all my life is that you're fat.
I know that's it's not the way they meant to say it,
but that's what I heard, and words are all about what you hear.
♪
When I went to the second surgeon, it was never even brought up,
that doctor also leaned in and said,
"don't worry about this, we're going to take care of this
and I'm staying with you the whole time."
He didn't care what my scale said.
I remember the surgeon leaning over me right before I went under
and he said, "I am going to take very good care of you"
and it was that one human connection, when I looked into his eyes
that I finally went, "Oh, Okay."
She was talking with me, not at me and she was asking me,
tell me about your mom. And I realized that she was doing that
so that the type of interaction that she was going to have
with my mom, she could make it real.
He was real gentle, he said you have AML Leukemia,
and that's when I started to cry and I said "okay,"
he hugged me, and uh yeah (crying)
and that put me at ease.
And I walked out of his office after a very good appointment
and he walked in one direction in the hallway
and I walked the other, with my wife,
and he turned around and he called my name and he said, "Mr. Scmidt"
I turned around and we were probably 20 feet apart and he said,
"I just want you to know, you are doing very well."
So I think when you see a doctor that cares that much,
it kind of makes you feel good.
The most powerful and impactful words that I heard,
they educated me and empowered me.
I was able to make an informed decision and actually
spend quality time with my mom,
at the end of her life.
♪
Patients allow us to enter into their life,
at one of the most vulnerable moments in their life.
Take a minute to think about it, to step into their shoes.
Be honest, but with some empathy.
Those are the words that, we as patients will remember.
You have the power to change a life.
You have the power to lift someone up or to devastate them.
The last words that you say to a patient
may be the ones that they really remember.
And sometimes you're so scared, and you're so lost,
that the right words can be the only thing that keep you going.
♪