I’ve been wanting to make this video for a long time because it's about self-entitlement and in
a real, true statement, all of us have some of that. All of us have a bit of entitlement,
but when you're married to or dating someone who really believes that they're entitled, they're
privileged, it's very difficult and usually these people have been faddishly called narcissists
and now make no doubt, some narcissists do have a sense of superiority or entitlement,
but there are people who feel entitled and they're not narcissists and many times, they're people you
go out with and you come in contact with. What I want to tell you about these people is that
you can't fix them and they're difficult to love and the fact that you can't fix them makes me,
if I were in the dating world, less likely that I would continue to date this kind of person because
I can only imagine what having a child with them would be like. It would be very difficult
on the main person who did not struggle with this and in fact, when I see these in my office,
I oftentimes will give the one who feels that they're, you know, entitled or privileged with the
assignments and then I will make sure that as they do them and the partner does them,
that they compare answers and then when they come in, I want to hear the comparison because
I think sometimes in a session, if they can hear how far off they are from their partner and if
they have the therapist who is supporting the partner in what doesn't look like entitlement,
that it can help them understand how far from the middle they are. So, let's just go through.
I have five ways that people who are privileged or feel an entitlement usually come across
and the first of these is they come before anybody else. it's always about me. If they tell a story,
that's their story. No matter what they do, they put it into the reference of first person.
This is an entitlement because they don't change perspective easily. They're not flexible and they
have a very difficult time putting themselves or their choices about how
another person would feel and in fact, they oftentimes can't even go there because they've
never had to go there because they've always been entitled, and they've always gotten their own way
and it's always been me me me. Secondly, what's yours is mine and what's mine is my own. So,
basically, they have a concept that when you're with them, whatever the two of you create jointly,
it belongs to them and plus they always have something on the side. Many times, if they come
from a wealthy family, their parents will kind of reiterate that they'll give them secret funds or
things like this. What's most important about this is they have a very ungrateful attitude.
whatever they get. If you give them something or you work harder to afford something to give them,
they're not grateful for it because they assume it. They basically assume they deserve it,
and this is what part of their problem is. Because of that mindset, they're not able to see that you
worked hard for this or you sacrificed something, gave up something so that they could have this.
The expectation of privilege is so strong that it leaves them feeling as though equality is an
oppression so if you’re part of the reason that they're so fearful of equality with women wages
or with minority or anything else, it is because they see equal as being them, being oppressed and
the reason is because they're so high up. They're so superior in their mind that they can't imagine
moving down a little so that it would share the wealth. Even though they're the top and they've
always got more, that's because of their great fear. They have a scarcity mentality and so that
means I have more. I deserve more. I need more and if i were to share with you, I would have less.
So that whole concept you can see why in relationships they oftentimes are unsuccessful
and my guess is when you see good looking people who seem to have a lot of wealth or material goods
and they aren't with someone, you may say, “Well, they could have the pick of the litter.”
Not really because that pick of the litter would probably get rid of a person like this.
After a while, I mean, how much money would you settle for to be married or joined at the hip
with someone who always thinks they deserve more and that they're entitled to more. I mean for me,
I would rather not, but you know, you may have different ideas about that,
but if you do, then I would ask you to do some soul searching and really think about
it. They're angry. They're usually angry and they feel that their anger is justified and therefore,
they're very quick to confront. You'll know these people because they go into rages and even though
that rage is oftentimes based on their own anxiety or fear, they're entitled and you know why they're
entitled because it's the right thing to do and they'll tell you that even though you look at it
and you go blowing up for example, blowing up at a store clerk or it's someone who did something,
a service for you and you didn't like it, blowing up at them. There is nothing righteous in that and
you can see the truth, but they cannot and it's important you understand that from the get-go.
If it sounds like this video is discouraging you from continuing to date someone like this,
you are exactly spot on. I am because entitled people make life very difficult. It's the
ultimate of selfishness and the one thing we know that causes the majority of divorces is a sense of
entitlement, selfishness, me me me egotistical, and this type is great. It's just abundant in it
and then if this doesn't get them their way, they'll play the poor little me tactic
and that's a manipulative tactic where they make themselves victimized and they do that
because they get what they want. They get more money from mommy and daddy. They get more of
what they want from you. If they're married to you no matter what situation they're in, they cannot
get out of it because they've never had to use their own resources of hard work. They've never
had to lower themselves. Humility does not run in this group this group doesn't understand
the concept of forgiveness and being humble and extending grace to others. Everything is about
justice and being oriented in that way, fighting for your rights. You may see this in the world
right now and I think a lot of it is coming from a sense that if people were already entitled,
then their opinion has become so inflated that they can't discuss it
and the reason they can't discuss it is because they don't know the first thing about why they
need to have it this way. Other than that, it's always been this way because they're privileged
and they're entitled. I think this is a necessary message and I hope you share it. If you know
someone or you're with someone who has this bent in their personality. Can you get over it? Therapy
can probably help you but to get to therapy and to trust the therapist is going to be paramount.