Breakups are tough.
I think a lot of times people make fun of people who are dumped.
But in my experience, it was one of the toughest events in my life.
In my past, I've been in the position of breaking up with someone
and being broken up with.
And as embarrassing as it may sound, when my past girlfriend broke up with me,
it took me about four years to completely recover.
And when I say completely recover, I mean reaching a place
when I no longer felt any pain, when I thought of my past relationship.
And the reason why I'm sharing all of this with you
is because if you're hurting due to a breakup,
I can say that I've been in a very similar boat to you,
and I want to offer you my advice that may be able to help you heal.
So tip number one, don't force healing, Joe, but chapter two, verse 13.
So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights,
and no one spoke a word to him for they saw that his grief was very great.
In this passage,
Jobe was a prosperous man that recently lost his riches, his health,
and probably his most devastating loss was the death of his ten children.
And in his grief, he had three friends that came to visit him,
and they sat down with him for seven days and said nothing to him.
Jobe was a man who lost his world.
And honestly, depending on how close you were to your past boyfriend
or girlfriend, it can feel like you lost everything after a breakup.
And one of the best things
that Job's Friends did in this passage was saying nothing.
Letting time pass and not forcing Jobe to feel better.
So if you broke up with someone,
you shouldn't try to force yourself to be happy either.
You need to give yourself time to grieve, to be frustrated,
to be hurt, and to give yourself time to heal naturally.
Being broken up with
is like getting a huge gash on your arm and it'll hurt and egg.
And one of the best things to do when it hurts is to leave it alone.
So don't think to yourself, Why aren't I healing faster?
And don't fool yourself and pretend that you're not hurting.
Breakups hurt, and some can even be described as being traumatic.
So, like Jobe, try to let time pass.
Try to survive one week at a time.
And if that's too hard? One day at a time.
And if that's too hard? One hour at a time.
The idea is, to be honest with yourself when it comes to your heart, to identify
what and why it hurts and to let time pass so that you can slowly heal.
Step number two Find a new normal.
X Chapter one verse nine.
Now, when he had spoken these things while they watched,
he was taken up in the cloud, received him out of their sight.
In this passage, Jesus already lived his life here on Earth.
He died on the cross, rose again and went back into heaven.
And this marks the beginning of a new life for Jesus, his disciples.
For three years,
Jesus talked eight, traveled, laughed and lived a life with His 12 disciples.
But after those three years, he left.
Please understand that Jesus was a strength to his students.
But the time came when they needed to get used to Jesus.
Not always being there
because they entered a new chapter in their faith and walk with God.
So when it comes to your break up, I'm sure you've had a lot of experiences,
habits and memories that made up your past relationship.
And in the same way Jesus's disciples learned to function without
the physical presence of their master.
You must also learn to find a new normal without your past,
boyfriend or girlfriend.
Certain places that you normally go to
may need to be avoided in case they bring back painful memories.
Or you may need to incorporate new hobbies or new people
or places to help give your mind something else to think about.
And honestly, this step is difficult
because relationships are full of memories and they can flood into our minds
at random times and make our hearts feel heavy.
So as hard as it is, try to set in order a new normal for
maybe your time after work for weekends for eating out, etc..
All that to say.
Find a normal that has a lesser likelihood of bringing up painful memories
of your past relationship and for more help on finding new normals.
Please pay attention to tip number three, which is to focus on gratitude
First Thessalonians Chapter five verses 16 to 18.
Rejoice, Always pray without ceasing in everything.
Give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
In this passage, Paul tells the Church of Thessalonica
to always rejoice, to always pray, and to always give thanks
because that's God's will.
So when you're in the process of finding a new normal, incorporate people,
hobbies, and places that make you feel thankful, maybe you make it
a point to hang out with people that have encouraged you in your past.
Or maybe you go on that hike that you've been putting off,
or maybe you finally visit that new coffee shop,
or maybe you invite some friends to play a board game.
Either way, despite you feeling like you hit a rock bottom,
there are still things in your life that make you smile.
And the key here is to fill your schedule with things that you are thankful for
so that pretty soon you look forward to what's ahead,
as opposed to focusing on what was left behind.
Step number four find people who understand.
Romans Chapter 12, verse 15.
Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.
In this passage, Paul tells the Roman Church
to practice empathy and to make attempts to rejoice
when others are rejoicing and to cry and others are crying.
And during one of my break ups, a whole lot of people couldn't understand
my pain and honestly made some very hurtful and insensitive comments.
The only ones who actually helped me were my mentor, whose Beyonce.
They deserted him.
My friend whose wife divorced him.
And my other friend whose fiance.
They broke off their engagement before their wedding.
They understood my pain
and I could feel the tenderness of their voice
because their heart was in a similar place to mine.
So I encourage you to find people who don't just see how you feel,
but can also feel how you feel because they lived through something similar.
And tip number five know that God is teaching you.
James Chapter one verses one two, three.
My brethren, count it all, Joy.
When you fall in the various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces
patience, bullet patients have its perfect work
that you may be perfect, incomplete, lacking nothing.
In this passage, James tells Christians to be joyful
when they have to go through trials.
And the reason why is because these trials will test their faith,
which will lead to them having patience, which will lead to them being complete.
In my breakup, I felt like my life reached an all time low.
I didn't like being alive, and I hated where I was in my life.
My goal was to drown myself with work and a busy schedule so I didn't have time
to think about anything.
And after all these years, years of learning about God,
relationships, love, and myself, I've come to a better place.
And I can see just how much God was teaching me all this time.
So if you are in the middle of a breakup, know that God can use it
to teach you about love, perseverance, your faith, and your character.
So try to catch the lessons that God is trying to teach you.
And let me remind you that your life is not over
and that while it's painful now, whether you know it or not,
God is trying to give you wisdom that will help you in your future.
So, again, should the time come when either you or someone
you know is going through a breakup?
Remember these five tips?
Don't force healing.
Find a new normal. Focus on gratitude.
Find people who understand and know that God is teaching you to close.
Please don't lose hope.
The pain you feel may hurt, but it will fade in time.
And should you follow these tips, your pain will one day
be replaced with wisdom, strength, and renewed love.
And remember, your hope should not be in the success of a relationship,
but in Christ alone, who will never reject you and will keep your heart
and soul protected and safe for all eternity.
So trust in God amidst this storm.
And always remember Jesus loves you.