- "And it ain't about how hard you can hit.
It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.
That's how winning is done!"
I love "Rocky," and I love, well,
I never cared about winning,
but I do care about thriving.
Let's talk about Rocky Balboa
getting some therapy from moi.
(upbeat music)
So we all have fictional characters that mean a lot to us.
People whose journeys, whose character arcs,
have really landed, resonated, helped us through hard times.
I grew up loving the "Rocky" films.
I love the inspiration of somebody
who feels like they're worthless,
grabbing their shot at success.
I love the tender love story between Rocky and Adrian.
I love once he has success and then he loses it,
how it humbles him and how he comes to get back on top.
And then, you know, we get to Rocky IV,
which is kind of cartoony,
but who doesn't love training in the snow
and punching a big, giant Russian?
Rocky V, meh.
But the one that sticks with me the most,
and I love the "Creed" films that came after,
but "Rocky Balboa," 2006, I think is so underrated.
This movie came out the week my mom died.
And I saw it like four days before she died,
three or four days before she died,
Had no idea she was gonna die, it was a surprise.
But the story you might think, "Well, it's about a boxer."
But what it's really about is a man who is aging,
who's grown distant from his son,
and whose wife has died from cancer,
and who wants to reconnect with his boy,
and who is struggling to grieve.
It's been years since she's gone and he can't move on.
He's stuck in the past.
He stuck in missing her.
He's stuck in the life he had.
He's not living in the present
or looking towards the future.
All he can think of is how good it was
and how much he misses her.
The boxing match is really,
if you haven't seen it, you should watch it,
and then come back and watch this.
Or you can just go ahead,
if you're somebody who doesn't care
about movies being spoiled,
that's sick, I like it.
He takes an offer for a promotional match.
He's, you know, 20 years passed his prime.
He's not in great shape.
I mean, he's in great shape for his age,
but he's not in fighting shape.
And he takes the match,
because as he says to his brother-in-law,
that he's still got some stuff in the basement,
that he's got a lot of grief.
And he says to Paulie.
- But she didn't leave, Paulie, she died.
- Okay, okay, okay, okay.
(sad music)
- You know, it's some, sometimes it's hard to breathe.
You know, I feel like this beast inside me.
- Rocky's talking about catharsis.
He's talking about when you have hurt,
rage, anger, pain, suffering inside of you
that, in some cases, it's not gonna be meditated
or self-soothed out, it's gotta be released.
Now, normally, I'd say catharsis
is you release it in a way that doesn't hurt somebody,
but Rocky chooses to box.
So, of course, he's gonna try and hurt
his opponent and vice versa,
but he wants to get back in the ring and release his grief.
And, in the meanwhile, here's a son.
His son has played by Milo Ventimiglia,
if I pronounced that right, from "This Is Us" and "Heroes."
And his son is trying
to get his foot in the door in the corporate world,
and his father is famous and he's Rocky Balboa, Jr.
And so he gets a foot in the door
because his father is famous,
but he's trying to earn something for himself.
And he's always living in his father's shadow
is what he's described,
and that's one of the reasons why they've grown distant.
Rocky Junior wants to be his own man,
and to do that he stays away from his dad.
But then his dad signs up for this match,
he's gonna fight a much younger man,
and here Rocky Junior comes to confront his father.
"Don't take the match, Dad,
it's gonna embarrass both of us."
And what follows is one of the best
father-son, parent-child speeches,
inspirational speeches ever.
I mean, I know it sounds kind of rough
and like Philadelphia and a punchy boxer,
but if you get to the meat of it,
to me, this is Shakespearian.
And we're gonna watch the clip,
and I'm gonna tell you what happened
when I saw the movie again,
the week after my mom died,
with my father who was grieving his wife.
- You, you know, living with you, it hasn't been easy.
People see me, but they think of you.
Now with all this going on, it's gonna be worse than ever.
- It don't have to be. - No, sure it does!
- Why? You got a lot going on, kid.
- What, my last name?
That's the reason I got a decent job!
That's the reason why people
deal with me in the first place!
Now I start to get a little ahead,
I start to get a little something for myself,
and this happens!
Now I'm asking you as a favor,
not to go through with this, okay?
This is only gonna end up bad for you
and it's gonna end up bad for me!
- You think I'm hurting you? - Yeah, in a way, you are.
- That's the last thing I ever wanted to do.
- I know that's not what you wanna do,
but that's just the way that it is!
Don't you care what people think?
Doesn't it bother you that,
that people are making you out to be a joke
and that I'm gonna be included in that?
Do you think that's right?
Do you?
- Now Rocky could cave here to make his son happy,
but he does something instead that's great boundaries.
- You ain't gonna believe this,
but you used to fit right here.
I'd hold you up and say to your mother,
"This kid's gonna be the best kid in the world.
This kid's gonna be somebody better
than anybody I ever knew."
And you grew up good and wonderful.
It was great just watching you.
Every day was like a privilege.
Then the time come for you to be your own man
and take on the world, and you did.
But somewhere along the line, you changed.
You stopped being you.
You let people stick a finger in your face
and tell you you're no good.
And when things got hard,
you started looking for something to blame,
like a big shadow.
Let me tell you something you already know,
the world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.
It's a very mean and nasty place.
And I don't care how tough you are,
it will beat you to your knees
and keep you there permanently if you let it.
You, me, or nobody, is gonna hit as hard as life.
But it ain't about how hard you hit.
It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.
How much you can take and keep moving forward!
That's how winning is done!
Now if you know what you're worth,
now go out and get what you're worth,
but you gotta be willing to take the hits!
And not pointing fingers saying
you ain't where you wanna be
because of him, or her, or anybody!
Cowards do that and that ain't you!
You're better than that!
(gentle music)
I'm always gonna love you no matter what.
No matter what happens,
you're my son and you're my blood.
You're the best thing in my life.
But until you start believing in yourself,
you ain't gonna have a life.
(gentle music)
Don't forget to visit your mother.
- Early on in the film,
Rocky is going back to the places
that were special to him and Adrian.
Their first home,
the ice rink where they went on their first date.
And he goes with his brother-in-law,
'cause his son doesn't want anything to do with it.
The week my mom died,
it was three days before Christmas.
People ask me, "Did that ruin Christmas for you?"
Which is kind of an insensitive question.
But my answer is always,
"It definitely ruined it that year."
I still love Christmas, but yeah, that was not a good one.
The week after she died,
and we had the funeral a week later
because Christmas holiday and everything,
so in between her death and the funeral,
my dad and I were doing the same thing.
We were going around town and he was showing me,
"This was our first apartment.
And this is where,
you know, I took her on this date.
This is where we used to play
with your older brother and sister."
And it got me thinking,
'cause we were having that experience,
I said, "Dad, we should really go see this movie."
And when I saw it, you know, last week before mom died,
I had no idea that it would be so relevant.
And so we went to see it together.
And that line,
you know, "It's not about how hard you can hit.
It's about hard you can get hit
and how much you can take and keep moving forward."
Losing her suddenly unexpectedly
that was taking some hits.
In fact, that was the hardest I'd ever been hit in my life.
Still the hardest I've ever been hit in my life.
To the point where after she died,
things that would have wrecked me
before I just looked at and said, "I've had worse.
This sucks, but it's not a mom dying."
And I love the scene later in the film
where Rocky's boxing and he takes a punch,
and he remembers what he said to his son.
- [Rocky] What is it you said to the kid?
It ain't about how hard you hit.
It's about you can get hit.
- And he gets on his feet.
It's all about getting on your feet.
It's all about moving forward.
I would actually do family therapy with Rocky and his son.
I mean, after this, they start to get into a good place.
They haven't really talked about the loss
of their mother/wife.
They haven't talked about, until this moment,
Robert, Rocky's son, Rocky Junior,
Robert's insecurities, Robert's fears,
and that he's letting those keep him
from being close to his father
when they really need each other more than ever.
With Rocky,
honestly, I don't have a lot of therapy to offer him.
I know this is Rocky Balboa Gets Therapized,
but it's more for their family and for the son.
'Cause Rocky, he goes into the ring
and he exercises those demons,
he exercises that pain.
If you're grieving, talk to people.
Don't carry it inside, don't be stoic, don't be a hero.
If you're withdrawing from somebody
out of jealousy or resentment, talk to them.
And if you can't talk to them
because they're hard to talk to,
talk to a therapist together or by yourself.
And if you're grieving, or you're hurting, or you're sad,
don't be afraid to let it out in a healthy way.
So if you wanna see another moment
of male vulnerability in a family setting,
I wanna invite you to check out
Mr. Incredible Gets Therapized,
it's another one of our Gets Therapized series.
We're looking here to help you with your grief.
We're looking here to help you with your trauma,
with your loss, with your relationships.
And you know people,
and odds are, you know, I've heard it said,
"If you look at a group of people,
75% of them are having a really, really hard week,"
maybe even more.
Please pass this along.
You never know whose life it's gonna bless.
Most importantly, pass along your skills,
your talents, your light, because we need it.
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I'm Jonathan Decker.
This is our Gets Therapized series,
and I'll see you next time.
And here it comes,
male vulnerability in all its splendor.
You got time, go ahead and click on it.