- Happy Friday the 13th campers.
Dust off that machete because
we're slashing through eleven films
worth of horny teenager massacres
at Camp Crystal Lake starring everyone's
favorite unstoppable killing machine,
Jason Voorhees.
This is the story of Friday the 13th
in three minutes.
Ch ch ch, ah ah ah.
Let's begin.
In 1957 distracted camp counselors
allow a young boy to drown.
That following summer an unsolved
double murder shuts down
Camp Crystal Lake.
Twenty-one years later a crew of
short short rocking counselors
prepare to open the camp
despite an ominous warning from
local drunk crazy Ralph.
Turns out Ralph isn't so crazy,
as counselors rapidly go missing.
Ms Voorhees, driven mad by her
son's drowing, reveals herself as
the killer before final girl,
Alice, decapitates her.
Alice takes refuge in the canoe
where Jason pulls her into the lake.
Or does he...
Jason, who is someone not only alive,
but suddenly a grown-ass man,
shows up to finish what his mama started.
Five years later,
more stupid teenagers attempt to
establish a new camp right next to
the abandoned Camp Crystal Lake.
Good idea guys.
Their presence triggers Jason
sparking the first of many murderous rampages
Jenny, part two's final girl,
stumbles upon Jason's shrine and
stabs him with the machete
leaving him to die,
but Jason doesn't die.
He hides out in a barn killing
anyone who comes near,
eventually emerging with a fresh look.
Final girl number three, Chris
ends Jason's reign of terror with
an axe to the head before becoming
hysterical and being escorted away
by the police.
Jason is totally dead this time
except he obviously isn't.
Jason returns to Crystal Lake to up
the franchise body count on the
group of weekenders who thought
partying at the deadliest lake in
history would be fun.
Meanwhile next door,
Trish Jarvis and little brother Tommy
meet a camper who seeks revenge on
Jason for killing his sister in part two.
The camper dies along with everyone else
leaving Trish and Tommy alone against Jason.
Sweet, innocent Tommy bashes Jason's
skull in with a machete seemingly stopping
Jason once and for all.
Years after killing Jason,
Tommy is still haunted by his memory.
Tommy moves into a halfway house
under psychiatric supervision.
A killer using Jason's M.O. starts
picking off patients at the facility.
Tommy faces his fear and stops the killer
revealing that it was not Jason,
but a copycat all along.
Tommy dawns the hockey mask
and the kitchen knife,
but that never really goes anywhere.
After being released from
another mental institution,
Tommy visits Jason's grave to
destroy the body and prevent
any possible resurrection,
but his plan backfires,
and he inadvertently brings
Jason back to life.
Jason slaughters a few counselors
before Tommy chains him to a
boulder and drops him in the lake.
Rot with guilt over her father's
accidental drowning,
a young woman attempts to use
her telekinetic powers to
resurrect her Pops
but resurrects Jason instead.
Jason ruins a birthday party
before Tina gets her shit together
and summons her dead Dad's spirit
to return Jason to the
bottom of the lake.
A year later,
an underwater electrical cable
shocks Jason back to life.
He hitches a ride on a party cruise
to Manhattan butchering most of the
graduating class of 1989 along the way.
Jason arrives in the Big Apple,
but before he can even unpack,
he's trapped in a sewer where he's
disintegrated by a wave of toxic sludge.
A few years later,
Jason inexplicably rises from the grave.
Shocking, I know,
and returns to his roots killing
naked folks at Camp Crystal Lake.
A routine murder turns out to be
a sting by the FBI,
and they blow Jason to Hell.
Without a body,
Jason possesses unsuspecting bystanders
in search of his long lost relatives.
Manifested as this worm-demon, thing,
Jason slithers into his sister's body
and is reborn yet again
only to be stabbed-to-death by
his own niece with a mystical dagger.
Finally defeated,
a familiar foe drags Jason to Hell
summing up the ultimate clash
of slasher icons.
But first!
Flash forward to the year 2455,
Jason goes where only
leprechaun has gone before.
A group of students from Earth II
reanimate Jason from his cryogenic
state on their spaceship.
Jason goes full cyborg and
introduces the future to
old school horror.
Jason is blasted into space
burning up in Earth II's atmosphere.
Okay.
Back to the sequel people actually wanted,
infamous nightmare Freddy Krueger
revives Jason to stir up enough fear
so that the residents of Springwood
will remember him,
but Jason,
being an unstoppable killing machine,
can't stop killing,
which is problem for Freddy,
who also has a body count
to worry about.
A battle ensues and a whole bunch
of teenagers die.
The big guy seemingly comes out on top,
but nobody knows better than Jason
how hard it can be to kill an undead
super slasher once and for all.
And that's the story of Friday the 13th
in 3 minutes.
And no,
we didn't talk about the reboot
or the shorter sequel or whatever
that was supposed to be because
it never happened.
What horror icon would you like
us to animate next?
Let us know in the comments.
And don't forget to subscribe
or Jason will find you!
Or I'll find you!
I'm doing nothing since
Top 10 Trends ended.
Nothing!
I got nothing but time!
(horror music)