Tim, is your dad a cheater?
It's bacon.
Caesar salad.
Oh God, it's on me.
This is Basic...
(together) to Bougie.
You're Tim.
Uh-uh (affirmative). That's my dad.
Your pops.
Uh-uh (affirmative).
Big baby. -Yeah, yeah.
We getting these (beep).
Hey. -Getting these (beep).
Getting these (beep).
I'm not.
What is this Tim?
This is -
The number one show in the world.
Basic to Bougie. -All day.
Let's do it man.
Basic to Bougie, the show where we try three different kinds
of two different foods and we figure out sometimes,
the most basic food can be bougie.
Or that the most bougie food can be basic.
Today we have my dad here.
Pops.
Hey.
Look where the belt is; high-waisted, good, secure.
You might have to-
unbuckle that after this, dad. -I'm ready.
After you got the two buttons loose, chest hairs out.
Yes.
Let's do it.
What's the name of our butler this episode, dad?
What you want to call him?
Marcy. -Marcy.
Run it Marcy. You look nothing like a Marcy, I'm sorry.
Blindfold dad, blindfold.
Blindfold dad.
Oh, don't look at it. Did he cheat?
Tim, is your dad a cheater?
I'm sorry.
It's bacon.
What?
It's sixth sense - -What?
Only.
Did you see it? -No.
Is it bacon? -Yes it's bacon.
Hey, it's bacon. You can take the blindfold off dad.
Now, we all know bacon is not basic.
It's not?
No. Bacon is bougie.
Is it?
When anytime a piece of meat is frowned upon,
'I don't eat that', that's bougie.
Is it? Is that what that means? I don't think so.
Do we have any eggs?
I'll make a sandwich out this bitch.
Don't eat too much of this dad, your cholesterol.
I know.
You happy about this Darren?
I mean, you know, I don't need much.
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Because we've been eating all kind of (beep)-
Yeah.
...when it's something I love-
Uh-uh (affirmative). -...bacon.
Need you.
Get you some pops. Go ahead, you do it.
Let's eat it.
All right, let's do it.
Let's save the thick slice for later.
Which one is that?
You know which one is thick.
All the way at the end? -Yeah.
You know what this is, it's turkey bacon.
Shut up! -Mm-hmm (affirmative).
For the record, turkey bacon is not bacon.
This is the bacon that your momma cook quick,
she might have walked away,
threw in laundry in the washing machine, came back
and it's shriveled up to this size.
You want to try it out?
Let's do it.
Oh man, it smells great.
Oh, you saw that snap? Look at that snap.
That's great. -That's bacon.
You can't go wrong with that.
This is fried in the pan.
This is good in a sandwich.
I taste the pan.
Mm-hmm (affirmative). Crisp up.
I'm talking about just regular bread though.
Yeah.
You got to toast it. Oh my... Tim!
That egg... hmm.
Like a BLT?
Like a BLT. You know it.
Mm-hmm (affirmative). -You know it.
Not too much dad, your cholesterol.
Put that down.
Now, this here, this bacon was watched.
Little more tender loving care.
Yeah. A little more, I'm going to lock in,
I'm really going to cook and look at it.
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
This you can tell they ran a errand, this they committed.
Mm-hmm (affirmative). Took a little time.
Not as crispy. -Mm-hmm (affirmative).
But phenomenal. A little more fat on them.
Mm-hmm (affirmative). Mm-hmm (affirmative).
I feel like this was made with pancakes.
Yeah, right next to syrup.
I have a little hint of syrup.
Taste the syrup. -Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Is this maple bacon? I think this is maple bacon.
Mm-hmm (affirmative). Okay.
I know what this is.
I'm just going to continue to eat this one.
Look turkey bacon is not bad, it's just not bacon.
Look at this sheet.
Bro, is this turkey bacon?
Tastes like bacon.
Now looking at it, it might be ham.
What if it's like Canadian bacon.
I (beep) with Canada.
This is ham right?
Yeah. Pop you eat this?
Yeah. -What is it?
Turkey bacon.
All right. Let's vote.
I think just the way it is.
Yeah?
I think it might be in order pop.
Tim, how you feel?
I'm not against that. -You can read this time dad.
It's on you. -Okay.
All right. What was his name?
Marcy. -Marcy.
Marcy. All right.
You got your glasses?
Yeah.
All right, here we go. Moment of truth.
You read out loud?
Grocery store-
Grocery store, maple.
$3.00 per pound. -$3.00 per pound, right.
Right off the bat, we're wrong. Yeah, maple bacon.
That's the cheapest?
That's the cheapest. Second one.
With the syrup?
Okay. You're right, turkey bacon.
Sweet.
$7.00 per pound.
What's the point of getting it right if you're wrong?
Yeah, what? -Think about it.
Oh, that we-
You got it right, but we still got the whole (beep) wrong.
I was just happy because I was so confident.
Yes. -You know what I'm saying.
What does that mean Darren? That doesn't make sense.
I'm just going to start doing some (beep)
too, the next time you talk.
This one we thought was the cheapest one -
Oh, that's the most expensive one. Yes.
Yes. -$24.00 per pound.
$24. -For the shrivel?
Mangalitsa pigs, fed a 100% vegetarian diet artisanal.
It's the pig that we're paying for.
Wow.
The pig is out here only eating vegetables and (beep).
Man.
I don't care what the pig eats.
I mean, it makes it good, apparently.
Yeah.
Remember, I enjoyed this one the most.
I really liked the maple one. -Did you?
The most, yeah.
This? -It was very-
Why? -It was very crunchy, I like...
Not the same.
All right, so we were wrong.
I don't feel bad about this.
I mean, I'm not mad about it, this was still delicious.
I can go with this maple.
Dude, don't, your cholesterol.
Ah, ah, ah. All right man, bougie round.
Let's bougie it up.
Marlon.
Marcy.
Marcy, sorry. I tried to make you a man.
Called you Marcy.
Blindfolds on.
Blindfolds are on.
What have we got? I'm already touching it.
I smell it, I smell it.
Is it wet? What is it?
That's what she said.
Mm-hmm (affirmative). That's what he said.
Some type of salad. There's veggies in here.
Caesar salad.
Hey.
I eat healthy.
Dad, how you feeling?
What's going on?
Pops, did you know that it was this many types of salad,
of the same kind?
Look at this. What does this have to do with a salad?
Okay, so traditional Caesar dressing-
Uh-uh (affirmative).
Traditional Caesar dressing is made from anchovies, actually.
Did you know that Darren?
Yeah. Did you know- -Uh-uh (affirmative).
...that people think Caesar salad come from Italy?
Where's it from?
Mexico. -Cesar Chavez.
Ah, yes.
Hey, that makes sense.
It's amazing how educated we are.
Okay, how are we supposed to eat-
About that, I don't know.
Okay, you show me.
No. No. Let's go with something safe.Let's start off
with just a general - -The wrap?
Let's do the salad.
Okay.
It looks good.
It does.
What's on top of here? -Some mushroom-
Tomato. Is that bacon?
Is it?
Or is it the - -It's the mushroom.
-mushroom they make to look like bacon?
Try. It's mushroom.
Oh wait, taste that mushroom though.
What the (beep)? How do you mess up a salad?
It's good.
It's kind of salty like bacon though.
You all like this (beep)?
Yeah, it's not bad.
It's not good though. -It's tasty.
I don't taste none of the Caesar.
You got to get some of that bacony mushroom in there too.
Man, shut up.
You want more of that or you want to keep going?
I'll eat it first.
It's all right.
Okay, look I'm going to try it.
Let's get the wrap.
This is really when you're trying to change your lifestyle.
You're like, you know what, can I get a wrap.
All right, let's do it. Now this is what I like.
Mm-hmm (affirmative). -This is good.
There's not even meat in here, it's good.
Right, but you taste the Caesar.
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
There's not enough Caesar on that.
Mm-hmm (affirmative). -This is caesared out.
I got you. -Now, bacon.
Bacon in here would have been - -Okay.
Would have been fire.
What if we had the bacon in here pop?
Try with the anchovy?
No, why do you reach over to the fish?
We going to get there. I like that.
Me too.
Now, describe to me, how we supposed to eat this.
I couldn't tell you.
I feel like you have to bite the fish-
No.
Yeah. -You going to do that?
Then bite the thing, that's the only way to combine it.
You can't lay the fish on it.
Oh God, it's on me... and then cut it.
Right. -Man, I don't know.
All right, let's bite the fish and then bite the thing
Really?
...like a -Like a man.
Like a man. Thank you pops.
Wait, for real?
He said, stop being a bitch.
All right.
Go.
(squeals)
That's so salty. -You got some on your nose.
Hmm?
You got some on your nose. -Yeah.
I get it?
It's gone.
For sure.
It's not bad when you do it that way.
What's up dad? What do you think?
It's all right. -No good?
Bite the head and (inaudible).
I actually like it.
It's not bad?
It's kind of okay.
Man, you took that like a G, bro. I wasn't expecting that.
I know. I can't do it no more.
Tim, go like this. There you go.
Thanks.
Oh, the fish came back up. It's flapping in the stomach.
Hold on one second. Okay, he's dead. All right.
Actually, the dressing on here is okay.
That's good, oil base-
Fish.
So, let's do it.
What are you all thinking? Pops?
He's struggling with whatever he had on this plate right here.
It's so bad, this as got to be the expensive.
It as to be the most expensive.
It as to be, right? It has to be, has to be.
Okay - -This one-
You don't think the wrap costs more.
Nah, that's got to be the cheapest.
It's the last one. -Yeah.
You know why?
Why? Oh, because
(together) it's a wrap.
All right.
Literal dad jokes.
Okay.
All right, so cheapest, middlest, most expensive.
Yes.
Marcy. Just place it right here. There we go.
You get it?
Yeah. Caesar salad - -I like that look.
$8.00, Caesar salad wrap from the deli.
Okay.
That was you pops, that's the cheapest.
Give me some pop.
Vegan kale Caesar with shiitake bacon
- Mm-hmm (affirmative).
- and avocado.
Yes.
We did it.
Steakhouse Caesar salad with whole anchovies and basil
Caesar dressing. Let's go.
All right.
Pops, basic, boom to boom to bougie.
Say it with us, basic -
Basic. Basic.
To bougie. To bougie.
To bougie.
How you feeling man?
It's good. Smart.
We did it right? -Yes.
Yes. -All right.
You feeling sick at all, from all this food you ate?
Yes.
All right, let's get him home, it's nap time.
Pops, you got anything you want to say to the people?
Basic to booties? -Close enough.
Booty... to booties.
Yeah, we (beep) all of that .
He's my kind of guy.
You want to get adopted?
Definitely would make your taxes go down.
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Definitely look up, yeah I think so.
For sure. -You need another son?
Let me think about it.
Darren Delaghetto, y'all.
Yes.
You say this for the camera. We out.