>> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
MY NEXT GUEST IS A DAILY SHOW CORRESPONDENT AND STANDUP
COMEDIAN WHO NOW HOSTS "THIS IS NOT HAPPENING" ON COMEDY
CENTRAL.
PLEASE WELCOME ROY WOOD JR!
♪ ♪ ♪
>> OH, MAN!
I'M EXCITED.
>> Stephen: ROY WOOD JR., WELCOME BACK.
WELCOME BACK.
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> MAN!
>> Stephen: TELL ME ABOUT THIS "DAILY SHOW," IT'S NEWS AND
COMEDY AT THE SAME TIME?
>> YEAH, IT'S THE THEME WHERE YOU FIND THE NEWS AND THEN YOU
REPORT IT AND CRACK A JOKE AND THEN SOMEONE ELSE CALLS IT ALL
FAKE.
>> Stephen: UH-HUH, OH, YEAH.
IT SEEMS VERY IRRESPONSIBLE.
>> THERE'S A GUY THAT SAYS IT'S ALL FAKE.
>> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH.
LISTEN, SPEAKING OF WHICH, YOU GUYS, I MEAN, HOW EXCITING IS
THE MUELLER INVESTIGATION?
BECAUSE THAT'S SOME REAL MEAT TO TALK ABOUT HERE.
HOW MUCH TROUBLE DO YOU THINK TRUMP IS IN?
>> OH, MAN, I DON'T KNOW IF TRUMP IS IN TROUBLE EYE DON'T
KNOW IF TRUMP IS GOING TO JAIL, BUT ALL THESE WHITE FOLKS
SHOWING UP IN SUITS TO TALK TO THE F.B.I., SOMEBODY IS GOING TO
JAIL GR WHY ARE YOU SO CERTAIN?
>> THEY'RE SHOWING UP IN SUITS TO TALK TO THE-- WHO DO YOU KNOW
GETS DRESSED TO GO SNITCH, STEPHEN?
( LAUGHTER ) YOU STITCH, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
SNITCH IN THE BACK SEAT OF THE POLICE CAR WITH A HOODIE ON.
THEY ARE WALKING THROUGH THE FRONT DAMN DOOR OF THE F.B.I. IN
A NEW SUIT.
"HEY, I'M HERE TO SNITCH.
HOW YOU ALL DOING?" THAT'S NOT-- IT'S SO NOT NORMAL.
>> Stephen: YOU MEAN ALL THOSE GUYS ARE IN TROUBLE.
THEY'RE NOT THERE TRYING TO SELL EACH OTHER OUT.
THEY'RE ACTUALLY THE ONES GOING TO JAIL.
>> SOMEBODY, SOMEBODY GOING TO JAIL.
YOU CAN'T HAVE THAT MANY PEOPLE SNITCHING IN SUITS, MAN.
>> Stephen: WHO DO YOU THINK IS SNITCHING, THEN?
WHO DO YOU THINK-- WHO IS GOING TO TAKE THESE PEOPLE DOWN.
>>> I NEED TO SEE HOW MUCH EVERYBODY PAID FOR THEIR SUIT
BEFORE I CAN ANSWER THAT QUESTION?
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: OKAY, WHO'S GOT A GRUDGE-- WHO'S GOT A GRUDGE
AGAINST THE PRESIDENT WHO WOULD DO THIS KIND OF THING?
>> I WOULD SAY RIGHT NOW, I THINK THE PRESIDENT'S OKAY, BUT
IF OMAROSA GOES TO MACY'S AND BUYS A NEW GOWN, IT'S A RESPECT.
( LAUGHTER ) IF OMROSEO GETS A NICE DRESS,
YOU KNOW SHE'S TELLING ON EVERYBODY.
>> Stephen: SHE SEEMED PRETTY MAD.
>> SHE WAS IN THE ROOM.
>> Stephen: SHE WAS ESCORTED OUT BY SECURITY.
>> SHE'S COOL RIGHT NOW.
BUT IF OMAROSA GETS A MAN CIEWRK JUST KNOW, WALKING THROUGH THAT
F.B.I. DOOR LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.
>> Stephen: LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT.
YOU WENT ON A HUNT FOR BIG FOOT "THE DAILY SHOW."
IS THIS TRUE?
>> YES, YES.
IT WAS NOT-- IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE A HUNT FOR BIG FOOT.
IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CONVERSATION WITH A MAN WHO
DOESN'T WANT THE FOREST CHOPPED DOWN.
AND GI, "COOL.
YOU MUST WANT TO SAVE THE EARTH."
HE GO, "NAH, THIS IS WHERE BIG FOOT LIVE."
( LAUGHTER ) SO HE'S SAVING THE EARTH, BUT
FOR THE WRONG-- FOR A DIFFERENT REASON.
THE SAME THING I DID WHEN HE TOLD ME.
BECAUSE THERE ARE A BUNCH OF PAPER MILL COMPANIES THAT ARE,
LIKE, BASICALLY STRIPPING THE FOREST DRY IN ALABAMA, AND IT'S
A HORRIBLE THING.
AND THIS MAN IS FIGHTING BIG PAPER TO SAVE BIG FOOT.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: NOW, HERE'S THE THING, HERE'S THE THING THAT I
DIDN'T KNOW.
ARE YOU FROM ALABAMA?
>> YES, ABSOLUTELY, BIRMINGHAM.
>> Stephen: I DID NOT KNOW THIS, I DID NOT KNOW THERE WAS
ALABAMA BIG FOOT.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
HE'S AN AUBURN FAN, THOUGH.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: OKAY, OKAY.
>> HE'S AN ALABAMA BIG FOOT.
>> Stephen: I DID STORIES FOR THAT FOR "THE DAILY SHOW" BACK
IN THE DAY.
I DID BIG FOOT STORIES.
I INTERVIEWED TWO MEN, ONE WANTED TO PRESERVE THE FOREST,
AND AN HOUR LATER I INTERVIEWED A GUY WHO SAID, "BIG FOOT ARE
OVERPOPULATING.
WE NEED TO CALL THE HERD.
>> YOU GOT TO TRACK THEM DOWN.
DID YOU ALL DO THE STUFF WHERE YOU LEFT THE SNACKS OUT IN THE
FOREST FOR BIG FOOT.
>> Stephen: NO.
>> YEAH WE WERE LEAVING SNACKS IN THE TALLADEGA NATIONAL
FOREST.
AND WE LEFT JACK LINKS, JUST LIKE THE COMMERCIAL BECAUSE THE
COMMERCIAL SAYS THAT'S WHAT THEY LIKE, SO THAT'S WHAT WE LEFT
THEM.
WE LEFT THEM WATER.
WE LEFT THEM EYE LEFT THEM, YOU KNOW, JUST A COUPLE OF OTHER
ITEMS.
I LEFT THEM MY iPHONE, TOO, JUST SO --
>> Stephen: iPHONE 2.
>> I'M NOT GIVING HIM MY NICE ONE.
I LEFT HIM MY iPHONE 2 IN CASE HE CAN TEXT.
"HEY, MAN, TEXT ME.
IT'S THE FUTURE."
( LAUGHTER ) I MEAN, ASSUMING HE SPEAKS
ENGLISH.
>> Stephen: NOW, THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE WE WERE TALKING
ABOUT YOUR SON-- IS IT HENRY?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: HENRY, WHO IS TWO NOW.
HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP?
BECAUSE-- FIRST CHILD, FIRST CHILD?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: IT'S BRUTAL.
BRUTAL, SMALL BUT RELENTLESS OPPONENT.
NOW, WHO'S WINNING?
WHO'S WINNING.
>> OH, MAN, IT'S TEAM HENRY ALL DAY.
THIS KID IS RELENTLESS BECAUSE HE'S AT THAT AGE NOW WHERE I-- I
FEEL LIKE ONE OF THE BEST THINGS A PARENT CAN GIVE A CHILD IS
HEALTHY EATING HABIT S.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> SO THAT'S WHAT ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND ARE TRYING TO DO.
AT THE HOUSE WE TRY TO EAT ALL HEALTHY.
NOW THAT MEANS I CAN'T EAT THE TRASH I LIKE TO EAT BECAUSE HE'S
GOING TO COME OVER TO YOU AND GO, "HEY, MAN, GIVE ME SOME OF
THAT TRASH."
AND I GO, "YOU CAN'T HAVE IT," AND HE STARTS SCREAMING.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE TO BE AN EXAMPLE.
>> NOW I HAVE TO BE HEALTHY AND MY GIRLFRIEND IS TRICKING ME
WITH ALL THESE WEERDZ-- YOU EVER HAD A VEGAN THAT SNEAKS YOU FOOD
AND DOESN'T TELL YOU WHAT IT IS.
YOU EAT TWO PLATES OF IT AND THEY LOOK ACROSS THE TABLE, "DID
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT WAS?
IT WAS ZUCCHINI NOODLES!" AND THEN I HAVE TO GO IN THE
CORNER AND CRIERK MAN.
IT'S HARD.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: DO YOU SNEAK?
DO YOU CHEAT?
>> OH, ABSOLUTELY.
LIKE, WHEN I'M ON THE ROAD.
McDONALD'S, BRO.
( LAUGHTER ) McDONALD'S.
ALL THE OTHER COMEDIANS, THEY'RE LIKE YO, MAN, LET'S GO TO THE
STRIP CLUB.
I'M LIKE, "NO, I NEED SOMETHING JUICIER."
( LAUGHTER ) LIKE-- BECAUSE I CAN'T EAT THAT
IN TOWN.
I CAN'T EAT THAT HERE IN NEW YORK.
BUT WHEN I'M ON THE ROAD, YOMAN, McDONALD'S.
I ONE TIME LEFT A RECEIPT IN MY POCKET, ALMOST-- ALMOST RUINED
MY RELATIONSHIP.
>> Stephen: SHE FOUND KETCHUP ON YOUR COLLAR WHEN YOU CAME
BACK.
>> MAN, SHE CAME INTO THE LIVING ROOM AND HE WAS HOLDING THE
RECEIPT UP LIKE IT WAS A WOMAN'S PANTIES.
"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!" I'M LIKE IT WAS THE McRIB.
IT WAS BACK.
I HAD A WEAK MOMENT.
I'M SORRY.
I THOUGHT I WAS OVER McRIB, BUT I'M NOT.
>> Stephen: WELL, LISTEN, GOOD LUCK WITH THE VEGANISM.
THAT IS NOT-- THAT IS NOT EASY.
I HAVE DONE IT SINCE LAST YEAR.
>> I'M ONLY VEGAN AROUND HER.
>> Stephen: OH, OKAY.
GOOD LUCK LYING, THEN.
( LAUGHTER ) >> I THINK IT'S OUT NOW.
>> Stephen: OKAY, GOOD.
WE'LL CUT THIS PART OUT.
"THIS IS NOT HAPPENING" RETURNS NEXT FRIDAY TO COMEDY CENTRAL.
ROY WOOD JR, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.