Well, I have sent Melissa McCarthy to a dry cleaners
called Milt & Edie's.
It's right here in Burbank.
And we set up hidden cameras.
Melissa is wearing an earpiece.
And she has to say and do whatever I tell her to do.
OK.
Ugh.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy, oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
How are you today?
I'm having a day.
OK, let me just tell you what happened.
I had a headache this morning.
So I take two Tylenols.
So I pop two Tylenol.
But they're Tylenol PMs.
Yeah, not just regular Tylenol.
Yeah.
So then I drank green tea to try to wake up.
So then I drink green tea to try to wake up.
Guess what.
It's not.
It's Sleepytime tea.
No, it's Sleepytime tea.
I'm struggling.
I'm [BLEEP] up.
I'm seriously [BLEEP] up.
I'm [BLEEP] up.
Anyway, let's get to the clothes.
Yeah, yeah, all right.
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, plenty of times.
Yes, yes, yes.
Many, many, many times.
Many, many times.
Let's not talk about phone numbers right now.
Let's not talk about the phone number on the account
right now.
OK.
Yeah, OK.
OK.
I'm so tired.
OK.
[YAWNS] I'm so tired.
OK, here.
Let me just put everything in.
Let's look at my blouse.
You can't see the stain, but I can.
So I need this out.
I see a little--
That whole thing.
I need this out, the whole thing.
Do you see it?
I need this out.
Most people can't see it.
Most people can't see it, but I need it out.
It's actually my husband's blouse.
I need it out.
It's my husband's blouse.
Laugh really hard.
[LAUGHS]
I'm so tired.
Oh, boy.
I am so tired.
What's your name?
"Alexan."
Like "Alexan."
Like election.
Like Lexus, the car, but with an A.
Oh.
Like, "Alexa, play music."
Like, Alexa, play music, do this for me.
Yeah.
Alexa, play music.
Beep.
All right.
Listen.
I drive by here and I see these inspiring quotes on your sign.
Do you take suggestions?
I have a few pitches.
I have a few.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the "boo-shes."
But spell it "boo-shes" with a bunch of Os.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the "boo-shes."
But a whole bunch of Os.
O-O-O-O-O.
But O-O-O-O-O.
Like "boo-shes."
"Boo-shes."
Oh, OK.
I like that one.
I like that.
How about this one?
How about this one though?
How about this one?
Give a man a pressed shirt, he'll
have clean clothes for a day.
Teach a man to press a shirt, we'll hire him.
Give a man a clean shirt and he'll press it for a day.
Teach a man to press his shirt and we'll hire him.
Laugh really hard.
Laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh.
[LAUGHS]
That's a good one.
Oh, that's a good one.
[LAUGHS] That's a good one.
Oh, that's a good one.
All right.
Ooh.
[LAUGHS]
You can see why I'm so successful.
Yes.
How about this?
How about this one?
Listen, I got another one.
Here's another one.
OK, I got another one.
Yes.
When life hands you lemons, say, hey, cool, free lemons.
One lemon says to another lemon--
one lemon said to the other lemon.
One lemon said to the other lemon.
That one's a thinker.
Never mind.
That's a thinker.
Again, I'm [BLEEP] up.
I'm so sorry.
That's OK.
I'm [BLEEP] up.
[BLEEP] up.
Here's one.
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, you fool me once, you're
not going to fool me again.
Full me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on you for fooling me, and shame on you.
Shame on you.
OK.
Start to nod out.
Start to nod off a little bit.
Nod off a little bit.
That's a nud up a little bit.
[LAUGHS]
That's a nud up.
[LAUGHS] All right.
You gotta nud up.
Right.
Hey.
Start to fall asleep.
Fall down.
Go down.
Go down on the ground.
On the ground.
[APPLAUSE]
Are you OK?
Wake up.
Are you OK?
Wake up and yell, Emilio Estevez!
Just yell, Emilio Estevez!
Why don't you sit down?
Yell, Emilio Estevez.
Emilio Estevez!
Thank you for your hospitality.
Thank you.
This is a great place.
Are you sure you're OK?
Do you know who likes this place?
Hm?
What's that?
Do you know who likes this place?
Do you know Alexa plays?
Ellen DeGeneres.
She plays Ellen DeGeneres sometimes.
And she's been telling me what to say this whole time.
And she's been telling me what to say the whole time.
There's cameras everywhere.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
You're joking.
No way.
[APPLAUSE]
I'm sorry I scared you!
Oh, my god!
It's Ellen's fault!
Say shame.
Thanks, Melissa.