Okay...
...I'm gonna try to give myself a PIO shot today
for transfer day.
It's about, almost 7:00a
and I wanted Jenna to sleep in a little bit,
long story, I'll explain more later.
I'm gonna try to do it myself and I have a mirror.
So...
we will see what happens.
I'm gonna turn the camera down.
I don't know if I have to blur. I don't know if I need to blur or not. We will see.
Okay, hold on.
♫ When you're down and you stare out your window ♫
♫ Hoping that you come up with some words to say ♫
♫ That's not okay ♫
♫ When you feel like you're fed up with heartbreak ♫
♫ And you know that you can't take another day ♫
♫ That's not okay ♫
♫ We can never go back this road ♫
♫ We can never go back that way ♫
♫ I see you standing in the corner like it's okay ♫
♫ Don't you know that you move with your body ♫
Well, hopefully I did it right.
Alright! Oh hold on, I forgot, you have to massage it.
Yay, didn't hit a vein!
That is really hard.
Um, see it's a little bit hard, but you can do it. Yay!
Jenna's probably gonna be mad that I tried to do it myself,
but I wanted to try at least one time
to see if I needed to. If you know what I mean.
So now I'm just gonna wait
and let her sleep probably until 9 or something like that. I don't care!
Yay!
Okay, better. I wanted to explain why I woke up so early with Mikko
and Jenna didn't on the day of the transfer.
Um, cause I should be "resting".
But uh, for some reason... I think,
was it maybe close to 1 in the morning,
cause I work until midnight, I didn't sleep.
Luckily the transfer time isn't till 11:30a.
It's not early in the morning, luckily.
But the reason I woke up, is because I DID wake up before Mikko.
I went the bathroom and then I heard when I was in the bathroom
he said "mamma, mamma, mamma" and that's his sign.
So I went into the bedroom and told Jenna Mikko's awake
Jenna looked at me and said "Whoa you're really awake"
I said "well I just woke up. I couldn't sleep."
I was a little bit tired, but I couldn't go back to sleep.
You know, probably cause of nerves and stuff... so.
Cock-a-doodle-do
Mmhh.
A rooster?
A rooster! Oh what?
Oh, butterfly.
A bee. Butterfly.
Yes (chuckles)
He's reading a farm book. There's no rooster.
But still. Moo!
A duck... quack, quack.
Yeah, a sheep, right.
So like I said, I was already awake
and Jenna was able to sleep.
I mean she could wake up and help with the shot,
but I wanted to try and do it myself,
just to see if I could.
She always helps me and probably will.
She's probably gonna be mad at me,
but I just wanted to try and see.
So now seems that it worked.
I'll probably still have her help me typically,
but I know I can do it myself if I feel like it or need to.
Um yeah, I'm gonna let her sleep
and then I'll double check my directions.
I have to pee at a specific time,
and then drink water at a specific time.
Take one antibiotic, just one little tablet, pill.
Then I think around 10:30 or something
when it gets closer probably,
I have to go the bathroom, and then go drop off Mikko.
That sort of thing. I already told them it'd be around 10:30a.
So probably what I'll do is take my medicine, my antibiotic,
you know, an hour, two hours before.
So around 9:30a take that,
and then once everything, get all that ready.
Then just before we go I'll use the bathroom
around 10:30a, that's what they said.
Then I'll just bring water with me. Just keep filling it up and drinking.
I want to drop him off early, just because
because I don't want to drop him off,
have issues of it being too close to the time, and then
and then we hit traffic or something. I don't know.
I just don't want to be stressing out and... whatever.
So I guess probably I'll see you later.
Ugh, I'm really nervous
about the number of embryos we have left.
I don't know cause we heard there were six fertilized.
That was the last thing you saw, the last video
and then we didn't hear anything from then on.
I'm assuming that means at least one is still surviving
because they haven't cancelled the transfer
So... but how many, I don't know.
I'm praying at least a total of 4, meaning
three more left after this. I'm hoping, hoping, hoping,
but we'll see. Maybe just the one and that's it.
We'll transfer and that's all.. or two.
We'll see. Okay, good bye.
Go Netherlands!
Yeah, that's what you say.
Not yay, I'm just concerned about the baby.
Ugh!
Did you break it?
Yeah, it's been broken a while.
Shhh... (giggles)
You broke my car.
Actually it's my car.
It's my car.
We're gonna go in soon, n about 15 minutes.
We arrived early cause I just wanted to make sure we didn't hit traffic or anything.
So we arrived early. Better early than late.
So now we're just going to chill out.
I'm trying not to freak out
because I'm really nervous. I feel like I'm gonna puke.
And I drank way too much water.
So, yeah I'm just paranoid.
Am I sure I want this baby?
Your baby?
Ugh!
Well, hopefully good interpreter.
Hopefully same interpreter, but I doubt it.
But hopefully a good person.
And.... hopefully
the doctors that suppose to do the transfer won't be there.
Cause we kind of...
don't like him. He's okay...
yeah... I just don't like his personality.
He's not strict, but...
He's a stereotypical doctor.
Yeah, I just like the other doctor better.
But probably we'll get him. Doesn't matter.
He's good at what he does.
Yeah, I'm not saying he's a bad doctor.
He's really nice, but he just...
doesn't have as much of a personality as some people I know.
He's just very somber, and I'm like....
Yeah, no relationship.
Yeah there's not much there. Okay...
whatever happen, happens.
Okay, well, we dropped off Mikko.
and we kind of had to have him distracted.
There was some kind of party thing they're gonna be having at the babysitters house.
So hopefully that distracted him well.
Yeah, there was water and he loves water... so... he was playing fine.
He was good, so should be fun.
Hopefully this is short
and then I don't know.
Pretty sure I'm not gonna be on bed rest,
but still we have to be really careful.
If I remember correctly, the nurse a while ago,
I had asked and she said "not you don't need to be on bed rest".
We'll see what the doctor recommends.
If he says bed rest... fine. If not... fine.
I'm still gonna take it easy. I'm not gonna pick up Mikko today or tomorrow.
And just take it chill, nothing too heavy.
Try to kind of... you know... ease myself.
Yes, of course, I'm not gonna be able to
lift anything to heavy regardless.
Past the two days I can start picking up Mikko and things like that.
She will be on baby duty.
Yes I'm watching you.
Role reversal after your retrieval.
I had to take care of you and now you're gonna take care of me.
After this, I know it's like a myth,
about the french fry thing,
but we don't eat McDonalds because
never... no.
But we might go get french fries
or just have it delivered from somewhere
because I really want french fries.
Maybe from the restaurant I like. It's a local restaurant I think.
Maybe I might want to do that.
I don't know what I'm gonna eat with it, but maybe just french fries.
I'm sure you can just order a whole thing of fries.
Yeah
I just want fries. "Anything else?" Nope!
Yeah, garlic ones...
Yeah, rosemary.
Oh, those sound so good.
Okay, well, we're gonna wait a few minutes.
I'll try my best to see if she can film a little bit.
Maybe like before and after.
I don't think we're gonna be able to film during,
because one, I don't think we can anyways.
Because of that specific doctor, he won't let us film.
Like before we couldn't when she had her ultrasound or something.
So we'll see, but I'm gonna try my best
to either film it or at least have pictures or something.
Ah, it's an important day.
Regardless if it works or not,
it's our first IVF transfer ever... so.
Yay!
Ugh!
Okay, time to get ready
to get pregnant hopefully.
I'll be PUPO after this... okay bye!
Okay, OMG we're here.
Again, I'm not sure we can film, cause of the doctor, but...
uh, there's no interpreter yet
and I'm really peeved cause we're suppose to have an interpreter. (knock at door)
We better have one. Oh.
[upbeat music]
So yes, I am crying.
Not really sure what you saw about the transfer.
but we had a lot of problems.
So as you can see, we went in,
As you saw, the interpreter wasn't there. They did show up
at 11:30... exactly at 11:30a.
Not exactly mean, but they should show up before 11:30.
They're suppose to arrive early, but whatever!
Uh, we went in...
and then they came and informed us
that we had one to transfer and it was really good,
but then they said, "oh you might only have one more".
Maybe one more will make it.
It's not even ready today to freeze.
So this might be the only one we have.
So I'm a little bit upset, you know.
I just feel like we went through all of this
and then to just potentially have one
and if it doesn't work, then maybe nothing.
It's just this whole thing...
you know... just...
I'm just thinking someone donated all this money. It was such a nice gift,
and I feel like we have to give them something back.
And um....
I don't know if....
it's her egg quality or
if it's because of the IV delay time was bad,
or the trigger. I don't know, but...
We're gonna talk with the doctor, whatever happens.
If I'm pregnant or not, we will.
I just feel like I'm under pressure now.
I have to make this pregnancy work cause it might be our only chance.
(sniffles)
I'm just a little bit upset.
I'm gonna go home and rest and um....
yeah, hope for the best.
It's not what we wanted.
But keep positive, you know.
Yeah, hopeful.
You know, maybe one more will make it.
I think they said it was a bad grade or...
I don't remember what they said about why they didn't freeze it yet.
I think they said it wasn't growing like it should, so we'll see.
Yeah, it's not good growth.
The other... what....
the other four they said suspended growth.
They said "we'll keep to see if anything happens", but
I feel like if they suspended, then that's it.
I don't know if I feel like... I just...
I wish they had informed us on day three.
Like "okay it looks like things aren't going well...".
Because I feel like the day of the transfer,
I don't want to be stressed out
and I'm REALLY stressed out right now.
Because the transfer... I think they should have let us know.
"By the way, this might be your only shot."
I'm like crap. They should have informed us
before the transfer day so we could have had a good day.
If they had informed us a few days ago,
I don't know. Maybe I would have...
Yeah, I could have prepared myself, like...
oh it's the only one, I'll cry it out.
but now I just feel like... (sniffles)...
I don't know.
It just makes me really upset that
I'm trying not to cry while they're putting it in me.
I just didn't really have any emotions. I couldn't smile or anything.
It was just... I mean, I'm glad we got one,
and it's better than nothing.
You know.
Here it is.
They said it was a good grade. Didn't inform us which grade,
but they said it was good... so.
Hopefully this... little thing... sticks.
Maybe it'd be the only one.
So hopefully you make it.
Yeah
So that... and you can see here...
it's right.... there.
That's the bubble that's around the embryo.
Yeah, I can say, it's a little bit like...
I don't know. When they informed us of that,
"hey it might be the only one. There might be one more.
We'll see if it grows. We're not really sure."
I'm kind of like.... it seemed like they didn't...
the nurse, the doctor, the lab person, nobody had any
I guess empathy for us
like... or sympathy.
You know we might not get anything from this whole thing
I feel like they don't even care.
I understand that they do this a lot over and over again,
but still, I feel like you should have a little bit more...
compassion for people when you give bad news.
I understand this might make it and great we'll go on, but
still this is like
it's not the worst that could have happened. Zero is the worst, but still.
This is pretty bad. So I don't know, I just....
I feel like because, you know
everything started so great and
this is the reason I said in the beginning,
don't get our hopes up, cause you just never know.
Because they say you don't have any infertility problems,
but you don't know. That's why I said, you don't know.
Then we actually have to go through the IVF process
to see what happens and then you know about your egg quality.
If you're going to have to have a second chance now.
And... we'll see.
We'll talk more later.
I've been talking more than five minutes. Captioning this is going to be awful.
Voicing this is going to be awful.
Maybe we'll go out... oh my God, look.
What?!
I think it's a groundhog.
Yeah, it's just weird it's out in a parking lot.
Yeah, maybe it's from over there (in the woods).
Anyway, we're going to go home.
We're going to pic up Mikko, go home,
and I'm just going to rest
and try not to stress out too much, okay?
Okay, bye.
♫ Don't you know that you move with your body ♫
♫ We can never go back this road ♫
♫ We can never go back that way ♫
♫ I see you standing in the corner like it's okay ♫
♫ Don't you know that you move with your body ♫
♫ Don't you know that you move... ♫
♫ ...with your body. ♫
So right now we're outside and obviously I'm sitting doing nothing.
Because I can't do anything because I have to...
uh.... what's the word?
incubate the baby.
Hopefully I'll feel better this afternoon.
I still feel kind of blah, but
you know, trying to think positive. Right?
[upbeat music]
♫ When you move with your feet on the dancefloor ♫
♫ And you don't care a thing bout a word... ♫
(yawns)
OMG so tired.
Not sure the last thing I left off, but I'm feeling a little bit better.
Yeah, cat puked.
(laughs) No, I'm not suppose to touch that.
Rude! (snickers)
I'm not sure the last thing I mentioned,
however, after we got home,
Mikko went to sleep and then Jenna and Mikko went out and I went to sleep.
I've just been sitting, walking a bit, but mostly sitting.
Tomorrow I'm going to be actually able to go out
but I'm still not going to be lifting anything .
Just kind of walking around. We're going to go to
a baseball game so that should be fine.
Um... yeah.
Still feel.. eh, but I'm trying to be positive.
If it's going to work, it'll work.
If it doesn't, I guess IUI is coming next.
That's just part of life. It really, really sucks,
and I wish we had a different story, but
everything happens for a reason
and I don't know why.
But eventually we'll know.
So that was our embryo transfer day.
UGH!
Have any of you had a similar story about your embryo transfer?
Where most of them or none of them made it?
Maybe you have just one chance and that's it. I'm just curious.
All the people I know have had multiple different embryos make it
and that's great news! I just feel like, eh.
I'm just curious if anyone can sympathize with me?
Okay, love you. Bye!
♫ .... they say ♫
♫ That's how we play ♫
♫ (echo) That's how we play ♫