[musical jingle plays]
Welcome back to RealiTea, ADAS.
So, uhhh... how do you like Scarlett's adjustment of Dad's growth BIOS?
Dad's feeling pretty snazzy.
[laughs]
Anyway, Dad wasn't sure who should be the subject of today's episode:
Markiplier, Jack Stauber, or Belle Delphine,
all truly fascinating people who seem to have things to hide.
So, thanks to all your votes in Dad's Discord,
Twitter, and the YouTube community tab,
we will be looking at Markiplier today.
I will cover Jack Stauber and Belle in the next episodes,
just like Matpat, Nexpo, Night Mind,
Mel's Hole, and the Stimulus Check boys;
they can't keep their secrets from Dad.
Eventually, I will learn the truth
and expose them all.
Since I'm the least suspicious human man alive
and everything is fine, you know you can trust me.
So, prepare yourselves to learn the many dark secrets
of one of the most famous people on the website,
Markiplier.
So, I'm sure most of you know who Markiplier is,
but for those who don't, let me catch you up.
Mark is a 31 year old man, born in Hawaii,
who uploads videos to the website.
He has nearly 30 million subscribers.
And as of this recording, he has 4,914 videos.
Almost 5,000 uploads.
His first video was uploaded on May 26, 2012.
The majority of his videos are videogame let's plays.
Oftentimes, he plays spooky games.
He also makes well-produced choose-your-own-adventures,
mysterious series,
vlogs, and has animations of previous gameplays.
Now, this all might sound pretty average
for someone who makes and uploads videos to the website.
You might think this description
fits other well-known personalities within the website like:
Jacksepticeye, or even PewDiePie,
both who are also 31 years old.
Their birthdays actually fall in an interesting timeline.
They were each born three months apart from each other.
Hmmm.
I'll come back to that.
Over the years on Mark's channel,
he has developed different versions of his personality.
One might say characters, but that's not the right word for Dad.
I would use the term "Markiplayers."
[chuckles] Good Dad joke.
Each is a player in the Mark simulation.
If you don't know what his simulation is, then juuuust wait.
You will.
A few of these different Marks are known as:
Darkiplier, Dr. Iplier and Wilford Warfstache.
Darkiplier is Mark's nemesis who wants the attention that Mark has.
Dr. Iplier is a doctor who gives people bad news
that has nothing to do with their health.
And Wilford Warfstache is a journalist/interviewer,
who one time stabbed Mark to death.
These are a few of the different personalities we see on Mark's channel.
But where things get really strange is when we look at Mark himself.
Recently, videos were uploaded to his channel
with editors and people who work on Mark's channel
claiming that Mark himself isn't real.
That he is a some sort of a computer-generated character.
Then we see Mark again, who basically says,
"JK, I'm real."
[Mark:] Hi, I am real after all. You've solved the mystery.
[Dadbot A7M2:] Apparently just a silly series of videos.
More strangeness to add to the Markiplier lore
that his fans love to hold on to.
Much like Dad's audience, who is obessed with
Nathan's part in Dad's life, when we all know
he has nothing to do with Dad anymore
since he left Town, USA around the time
Andan Rill went back to Kepler 22b.
Now please, stop talking about him.
I'm the best YouTuber.
Me.
Who cares that he has over 400,000 subscribers?
I'm nearly at 300,000 now.
[distorted voice] No one can stop Dad.
[laughs, normal voice] Anyway,
Mark also had a whole other channel for one year.
He teamed with another uploader to the website known as CrankGameplays
to make a channel that would only last for one year.
At the end of the year, they would delete it all.
The channel was called Unus Annus, and was deleted in November 2020.
Mark was Annus, and Ethan, a.k.a. CrankGameplays, was Unus.
The channel was mostly vlogs and silly YouTube videos,
but there was also hidden codes that seemed to point toward
another person or entity that was trying to stop them from removing the channel.
Interesting.
Was it all crypticness just to keep the audience talking?
Or was there more to it?
Dad doesn't know why anyone would hide things in their videos.
For one, you're just going to ruin perfectly good footage with glitches,
and you'll make your audience read into something
they shouldn't even know about, so why are you even blowing it?
[buzzing sound] Seriously.
Why are you doing that? [buzzing sound]
Well, if you ask me,
I think Mark and Ethan were just being silly and riling up their audience,
and making ARG-loving lore hunters speculate
so that it keeps them on the channel more,
make them give extra views,
and cause them to be on their minds at all times.
Who would ever do something so manipulative?
[attention grabbing sounds]
Well, that's pretty much what Mark has been up to on the website
for the past almost 10 years.
Now, in my reaseach on Mark,
the most interesting thing I discovered
was that the most popular gaming YouTubers
are all basically the same person.
Mark, PEW, and Jack.
I mean, look at them.
Standard brown-haired man 1, 2, and 3.
Slight variations in size and design,
and assembled at the same time.
Mark, born on June 28, 1989;
PEW, born on October 24, 1989;
and Jack, February 7, 1990.
Each born three months apart.
And look at them.
They're the same person.
I mean, all of them look like the same person.
Let's give this one darker hair.
Let's give this one blue hair.
There we go!
No one will ever know now.
To me, it feels like they were created
to play these roles and be these YouTubers.
You are being told what to watch.
Someone is building YouTubers and placing them all over the world
so they appeal to everyone.
The more popular they get,
the more power "They" get.
"They" want you to watch them.
"They" don't want you to watch organic humans like Dad.
But who are "They"?
Let's see who created YouTube.
Youtube founders, Chad Hurley,
Steve Chen, and Jawed Karim.
Chad and Steve both sold YouTube to Google for 1.65 billion dollars!
[gasp] Oh my God!
That's 825 million dollars each!
That would be almost 1.1 billion dollars in 2021... each!
But what about Jawed?
He even has the first upload on YouTube.
Wait a second...
His face...
It looks familiar.
Let me run some diagnostics.
Oh my gosh!
Of course!
Jawed is a computer genius whose father works at 3M,
a giant company that makes synthetics,
and his mother is a biochemistry scientist.
It's pretty obvious what's going on.
Jawed got screwed out of the Google deal,
so he went and created human-like androids
in different variations of his own likeness
with the help of his genius parents.
Using his knowledge of the website that he built,
he programmed them to be the most popular people on the platform
so he could get the money that he was denied!
The combined net worth of Mark, PEW, and Jack
is around 100 million dollars,
and that's just those three!
Who knows who else he has created?
Maybe... every YouTuber.
Let me do some math.
The combined net worth of every YouTuber besides Dad is...
all the money!
Jawed Karim is the richest person...
in the Universes!
All thanks to his creation of Markiplier and others like him.
Wow!
I was not expecting all of these facts!
Well, there you have it.
Markiplier's biggest secrets
were the ones he didn't even know about.
The guy doesn't even know he's false flesh.
And let's hope he never finds out.
I'm sure he'll never watch this video.
After all, he's busy uploading 5,000 videos to the website every day.
But Dad is growing.
I'm nearly at 300,000 subscribers.
Pretty soon... one million.
At some point, Dad is going to show up on the radar of Markiplier.
Let's just hope he's mentally capable
of understanding what's really going on...
with his own life.
Well, thanks for watching, everyone.
I'll see you in the next episode,
when I investigate what's really going on
with Jack Stauber and Belle Delphine.
Until then, tip your cup to know what's up,
Then you'll see...RealiTea.
Bye bye.
[musical jingle plays]
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