Hey, it's Min Liu from The Art Of Verbal War, where people learn to excel in verbal skills
So let me ask you this, how many times have you read some article on the internet that said:
Hey! here are twelve great topics that you can talk about with girls
Or you've seen some shitty YouTube video kind of like this one
Except this one is not shitty
That said: hey use this acronym, FORD (Family, Occupation, Recreation and Drama)
And you'll be able to have great conversations with other people
Well, how did that work out for you?
Let me guess! probably not as well as the people who gave you that advice
Thought it wouldn't work out for you. am I correct?
So let me tell you what's wrong with that advice
That advice presumes that great conversation topics are what it takes to make great conversation
But let me drop a nuclear bomb on your knowledge of conversation skills
Because I want to eliminate that from your mind forever
Okay, so here it is: great conversation has nothing to do with topics
Okay, great conversation has nothing to do with topics
Now let me explain to you why that is
Most people think that they just got to have a bunch of things to say and then you have a great conversation
But that's absolutely not true
Instead a great conversation isn't about not running out of things to say
It's about either connecting with someone else
It's about having fun with someone else
Or sometimes, it's about being attractive to other people in conversation
Right, and so that is what great conversation is about
And that's why even when you have great topics, you don't necessarily have a great conversation
Well, we know this is true because if you give a mediocre conversationalist
Which is like 95% of the people in this world
Even the best topics they won't be able to go anywhere good with it
However if you give a great conversationalist nothing to work with
He or she will still be able to make something out of nothing
So let me repeat the crucial principle that I'm trying to impart on you today.
Which is great conversation is not about topics
Great conversation is about the types of conversations that you have
So now you're probably asking me: okay, Mr. Smartypants
What kind of conversation types should I actually be having?
Let me answer that for you
There's basically only three general types of conversation that people can have
Now if you followed me for any period of time, I love to use metaphors
And so the metaphor I want to use for conversations is tennis matches
So there's basically three types of tennis matches that you can have
The first type of tennis match is a singles tennis match, and this is how probably 90% of conversations go
Which is somebody asks a question and then the other person answers that question
Or they might take turns, the other person asks a question and the other person answers back now
This type of tennis match or this type of conversation is basically what I call singles tennis
What you see on TV, you've got one person facing off with the other
But they're kind of like enemies, right?
Now the next type of conversation
It's even worse than a singles tennis match, it's basically a person playing by himself hitting a ball against the wall
What kind of conversation is this ?
You've been in this type of conversation many times
It's where one person dominates the conversation
He or she thinks they're making conversation
But what they're doing is talking about their interest or their passions or just talking about themselves
Endlessly with no aim or no desire to connect with anybody else
It's basically a monologue
And that's hitting a tennis ball against the wall by yourself and not a type of conversation you want to have
So I just said a while back that there's three types of conversations that you can have
And there's basically three types of tennis matches, you have the singles tennis match
You have the guy hitting the ball against the wall by himself
And neither these two types of conversations are any good
So that just leaves us with the last type of conversation, which is the only type of conversation
That consistently and reliably gets us to having a great conversation with other people
And that is what I call doubles tennis
It's where your opponent decides to come over to your side of the net
And in instead you two - instead of fighting against each other
Or playing against each other as opponents you actually team up to fight the evil that is mundane conversations
Does that make sense?
So that's what a great conversationalist does
A great conversationalist isn't someone who's necessarily more articulate than anyone else?
They're not necessarily even more well-spoken than anyone else
But what they know how to do is to create conditions for what I call "doubles tennis" to happen
They know how to put the correct types of conversation into actions
So that a great conversation can unfold in a natural and organic way
And that's what great conversationalists do
So now you're probably asking me this final question which is:
How do I play doubles tennis? what exactly does a doubles tennis conversation match look like?
So basically 99% of the conversation advice that you'll hear out there
Such as: you have to be articulate, you have to tell stories, or you have to have great conversation topics
Talk about your interests listen to others
It's just flat-out wrong and incorrect
If you want to be a great conversationalist
All you have to do is to learn how to put the right types of conversations into action
Now, you're probably asking me: What does that look like?
If you want to find out and see an example of doubles tennis go to:
www.artofverbalwar.com/manifesto
Or click the link below in the description, and you'll get a copy of my conversation manifesto
Inside you're going to see a great example of how
I turned a conversation that could have been extremely mundane into something that was thrilling and exciting
For me and somebody else
Okay, so again go to
www.artofverbalwar.com/manifesto
And you can download that and see an example of doubles tennis
Okay guys, that's it for today
This is Min Liu signing off
I hope I blew your mind with what I talked to you today about conversation skills
Until next time, keep being excellent
And download the conversation manifesto (www.artofverbalwar.com/manifesto), you won't regret it
And hey please give this video a LIKE
I'll see you guys next time