(jaunty orchestral music)
- I don't know what to do!
(jaunty music continues)
(egg cracks)
(liquid splats)
(pan sizzles)
- That's annoying! - It looks terrible.
- We're hiding these.
(board falls)
- Ow! - What is going on here?
- This is a joke.
- Where's the dish?
This should be really obvious.
- [Janice] Oh dear, oh dear.
Gentleman and Jamie, today's theme is fake-away.
You must create a takeaway inspired dish
that's worthy of a night in with your favourite person, me.
This is purely hypothetical,
never gonna happen.
- A night in with Janice.
- Is there an order?
- [Janice] As James is away,
Chef Ben will top and tail this challenge,
and you'll each nominate the next person
at the end of your turn.
- An Ebbers sandwich. - Oh no!
- Oh no, that's gonna be awful.
- That's my cue to leave, bye guys.
- And that's why James didn't turn up.
(all laughing)
(chiming music)
(energetic rock music)
- [Janice] One at a time,
the boys have 10 minutes to cook,
and add to a final dish.
The remaining team will have no idea
what is being cooked until they each step into the kitchen.
- Okay, takeaway, fake-away,
I want to try and do a selection of items
from a Chinese takeaway,
like the starters,
like the picky bits,
so that Janice and I-
- [Janice] Ugh!
- can pick in and out of some beautiful options.
So, by doing this hopefully,
everyone can contribute one bit.
I'm gonna start with some pork belly,
almost like rib-style with chilli, soy, ginger, and honey,
(knife clangs)
but I'm gonna do it on a pressure cooker.
(spoon chinks)
Into there with a splash of water.
20 minutes high pressure.
It will take a while to come up.
Then it will take 20 minutes,
and the whole time they won't have a clue what's in there.
It'll be hilarious.
(rock music)
I was drawn to some of these ingredients,
we'll work out what to do with them in a minute.
Prawn toast, that is gonna be ah,
I need to go back,
bear with me,
bear with me.
Lots of things happening in my head.
I'll try and explain some of them.
What about if I make a mix to go inside the wontons?
Then whoever's up can make them in whatever shape they want,
that would be excellent.
So, all you need to do is drain some crab, chive, garlic,
and a stow cup of cheat of Hoisin sauce.
(upbeat music)
(cutlery rattles)
Oh no, why is there not a teaspoon?
(upbeat music)
A wonton mixture with skins.
They can choose a shape.
Some prawn toast.
They won't have a clue what's in there,
but that's not a problem.
Lots of fiddly elements,
but I think in the next 40 minutes,
we can create something quite clever.
That's the pressure, 20 minutes.
Next up, I'm going to pick, Barry,
and I think he'll see that,
and he'll just do it.
(buzzer sounds)
I'm gonna give myself seven out of ten,
but that may go up or down depending on my last ten minutes.
Barry!
(jazz music)
- We've got some mushrooms.
We've got some beansprouts.
We've got some peppers.
We have some filo pastry.
It feels Thai-ish.
What the hell is he doing?
Oh no, I don't like this type of cooking.
I'm not a massive fan of this type of takeaway.
Calm down, Barry.
Sorry, Janice.
Give me a moment.
- [Janice] He's already had 65 seconds.
- Come on, come on. (sighs)
No, I don't like it, I don't like it,
but I think...
(jolly music)
there's some stuff here to insinuate
that we're making some sort of prawn toast,
so I can do that.
I'm gonna be honest,
I haven't spent much time with Janice.
I don't know what's her type.
She's a very confusing woman.
- [Janice] Says a man who's permanently confused.
It does add up,
unlike Barry.
- Spring onion, ginger, chilli in it?
Yeah sure, I see that.
All right.
Give it a quick blitz.
(blender whirring)
Ok, and in with some prawns.
(blender whirring)
And we have a prawn paste,
so now brioche which I don't think is usually
the sort of bread you use to make prawn toast,
but we're going for it.
The aim here is get some prawn paste on that brioche loaf,
slice it up,
cover it with sesame seeds,
and then deep fry it.
Pepper, I don't know if that's meant to go on there,
but it's going on there.
(buzzer sounds)
Okay right.
If that's how you make prawn toast,
I've done really well.
I'll give myself a seven.
And I'm bringing Mike into the kitchen next.
(upbeat music)
♪ He is the man ♪
- Okay.
Prawn toast.
It's a takeaway.
We're going,
what's happening?
Oh please, no!
I don't know how to use this thing,
if there's something in that we're in big trouble.
Are we going Chinese?
I promised myself I wasn't gonna flap.
Right, what shall we do?
Ah, I know what I'm gonna do.
I know what I'm gonna to do.
- [Janice] Strap in people.
- For the first time ever I've had a good idea
in "Pass It On."
You can make a cheats steamed bun out of a tin
of coconut milk and a self-raising flour.
Come on.
Hurry up,
Why now?
(coconut milk slops)
Ooh, that was a nice sound, weren't it?
Okay, I've got to make this really, really clear
of what these are before Jamie comes in,
because we know what's gonna happen then.
The music will start playing,
he's just gonna start riffing,
and so I've gotta make it so clear.
- [Janice] Oh, you mean this music?
(fast-paced orchestral music)
- For goodness sake.
Just gonna flour a surface.
(faced-paced orchestral music continues)
(pressure cooker beeps)
Oh no, don't start now.
I don't know what you are.
I don't know what you want.
I wasn't in that video.
I'm not interested in you.
- [Janice] (sighs) I've heard that sentence before.
- Can we get it done?
Can we get it done in time?
That is the question.
Oh, we got two minutes left.
Oh, it's gonna be tight.
Is he gonna do it?
This is jeopardy?
Oh, come on.
I have to get this done otherwise he's gonna have no idea.
Okay.
(utensils clattering)
Oh, see what's that like?
We just do one, two.
Okay, so come on, come on.
Come on, Mike, just give him something to go on.
Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
I just need to give him one.
(bowl bangs)
I've got that.
This is obvious, right?
(buzzer sounds)
So...
some things happened.
If he's able to take that,
and make more of those we could be in a good position here.
He's just got to start thinking about the meat.
Now I will score myself a seven...
for chaos.
Buckle up.
J!
(jaunty orchestral music)
- I have been thigh deep in a spreadsheet,
and I've not even thought about what's been happening
this side of the,
oh no.
Okay, we're making dumplings.
That's not cooked.
Is this on?
That's on.
There, there.
Nothing in the oven.
Nothing in the fridge.
Growth.
There's obviously three different things going on.
There's prawn toasts which,
I mean, I could fry them now.
that would save Ebbers a job, wouldn't it?
(jaunty guitar music)
I don't know if that's what you do.
I had another worry.
It's finished.
So, I could
(steam hisses)
(screams)
No!
What is on this spoon?
Who?
- Hoisin sauce.
- Okay, so, have these not got,
those two look like they've got,
how do I know if they've got?
(laughs)
Right.
- [Janice] No, no, no, no!
Sometimes you get a nice twist to it, don't you?
So I could do that.
Make sure it's sealed.
Come back here, multitask, flip.
Oh, oh, Janice, yes.
Who made dumpling shapes without making actual dumplings?
Are we making-
- [Janice] Go on.
- Should I be?
- [Janice] He's getting there.
- What's that for?
- You can do it. - A panca...
Maybe we weren't making dumplings?
- [Janice] We have hope.
- I'm still making dumplings.
- [Janice] The hope is on fire.
- This is a prawn celebration.
(laughs)
Why don't I?
Oh, with one minute left.
Let's pop some of these, pop (mumbles).
Let's pop these ones in here,
and that one there.
And then what we'll do is a little roulette one
which I don't think has anything in it,
and we'll pop this up here.
- [Janice] New year, same Spafford.
(Jamie hums)
(buzzer sounds)
(jaunty jazz music)
- (laughs) I haven't turned up today.
It's a zero for me.
I didn't turn up.
My head's in this spreadsheet.
Ebbers!
(chiming music)
- What's happened in the last 30 minutes?
(upbeat music)
- Something needs more steaming,
but I'm not...
What's up with that there?
Are they?
They don't understand what they are.
Oh no!
Okay, I'm gonna have to commit here,
and I'm just have to do a small appetiser plate
for four people,
and therefore, I'm just gonna do four of each thing.
There's just enough left.
I haven't done these for a while.
I have to be honest,
I was kinda hoping the fiddly bit would have been done.
I can't work out what everyone did.
Somebody made prawn toast, good job.
Somebody made dough and probably steamed buns.
I just don't think they're gonna cook in time,
because still need a little bit of resting,
and then a little bit of cooking.
(upbeat music)
Really hope it work,
but let's have a look at this.
(lid opens)
I've got a really hot pan,
because what I want to do is take the pork belly,
which is hopefully cooked and now give it some colour.
(pan sizzles)
And that's how you can cook pork belly,
really soft and succulent in the time we had.
Pinch of Chinese Five Spice.
A phenomenal cheat,
'cause it's a flavour that's so iconic.
90 seconds, what a disaster!
Okay.
Pork.
Crab wontons.
This is gonna look like a plate of brown.
They've not had time to do anything fresh on it,
or a dipping sauce
which is kind of what I was hoping as well.
I've almost given up.
What else can we do on there?
They're still not done.
Oh, oh Janice, we might just have
to crack open a bottle of wine. (laughs)
This is so sad.
(buzzer sounds)
I had such ambition.
I think the three items on the plate will taste good,
but there's a lot of elements missing,
something fresh,
something citrus-y,
something with zing.
You know the seven I gave myself?
Move it down to a five.
(audience cheering)
- Three, two, one.
- Oh!
- Where did? - Okay.
- There's some stuff there.
- [Janice] In 50 minutes the boys have created
a Chinese fake-away consisting of garlic, honey,
and soy-glazed pork belly,
fried Hoisin crab wontons,
and prawn toast.
That's all folks.
- Is this what was in the pressure cooker?
- Yes.
- The pressure cooker?
- What I liked was the fact
that somebody presumably saw that,
and thought, "Maybe something slow cooked,
maybe slow cooked meat,"
and made some steamed buns.
- Well, I didn't wanna bring that up straight away,
but the only thing that I did isn't anywhere near the dish.
- So the dough had been shaped and filled.
- Filled?
- Yes.
Yes, they were filled.
- Did you fill the buns?
- I thought we were making dumplings.
There was a filling and there were dumplings.
- What filling did you put in the dumplings?
- Whatever filling was in the bowl.
- The crab?
I'd almost rather they didn't come to the table
in case the dough's bad.
- [Mike] Oh yeah!
Okay! - And now they're cooked.
- Cheers.
(dumpling crunches)
(Mike mumbles)
Yeah. - They're delicious.
- Mm.
- Try some of the pork.
- The pork looks fantastic.
- Good pork.
- It does taste very nice.
Chinese Five Spice?
(winks) Glad.
- Prawn toast. - Prawn toast.
(upbeat music)
- Prawn toast is really nice as well.
- These are really nice.
Who made the prawn toast?
- All I did was take the ingredients that he left out,
put 'em in a blender and smeared on some bread.
- Yeah, that's delicious. - Team work.
- And then who cooked them?
- I didn't, you cooked them? - I cooked them.
Like I- - Oh no, I really did nothing!
- Can we at least try one of these?
- Yeah, absolutely.
Don't get the one with no filling.
- No, he's having the one with no filling.
(Jamie laughs)
- But it's still not great, is it?
- No.
- But that's a timing thing, I think.
- It's rubbish.
Oh, Ebbers, that's a miracle. (laughs)
- Let me think.
Yeah, it wasn't great.
Yeah, I guess I was hoping for some more veg as well,
or something like, I'd left out mushrooms,
and carrot, and pepper, and beansprouts.
- Could have made a quick pickle.
- Yep, or quick veg stir fry.
- I don't think Janice will be giving you a second date.
- What did we all score ourselves?
- Five out of ten.
- I think you deserve a nine.
- There were elements of it that were tasty,
and there was a vision
at the end of kind of what I started-ish,
but I still don't think that's good enough for a pass.
- Yes. - Yes.
- I gave myself a seven.
- I hear ya.
- [Ben] For spreading some prawns
on some bread? - I know.
- No wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
(Jamie laughs)
- Pass or fail? - Fail.
- I want it to wake up with the confidence of Barry.
- Well, hold your horses,
'cause I also gave myself a seven.
- Okay, great.
(Barry laughs)
- It's a fail for me.
- I gave myself a zero.
I completely spaffed it up and it's a fail.
- We're sorry, Ebbers.
- We're sorry, Janice. - Sorry Ebbers.
- Well, to be fair I've had worse takeaways than that.
- Yeah. - So maybe it is a pass?
Well anyway, over to you guys.
Is it a pass or fail?
We know the answer.
Comment all of the places that we went wrong.
We're really sorry,
and do that wonderful thing where you rank us
in order of worst to best.
- And when you do that, remember James isn't here,
so he of all people - He automatically comes
on top. - he's the worst, surely.
- Yeah, absolutely. - Yeah.
- (beep) I feel like I've been short-changed.
How much filling did you boys get? (laughs)
- I got a fair bit, actually. (laughs)
- You got bored, didn't you?
You got bored.
- I didn't know what I was doing!