Let's talk about flirting. You asked me the question "how do I flirt?" Because at this point,
you have gotten over your approach anxiety, we coached you through that,
you had insane approach anxiety. You know what's funny too is it's funny how we don't remember
sometimes how bad our approach anxiety is. This happened to me when I was getting over it.
It's like you remember when it first happens like your approach anxiety is so bad.
And it's this big struggle and then very slowly, inch by inch, you start to get over it. And then
you start to forget how bad it was because the progress is so slow. So you forgot that
there was this insane, terrifying feeling in your stomach every time you go and approach a woman.
But now you don't have that. Now you asked me "how do I flirt?" To make this simple, consider
this a quick guide to flirting. Flirting is broken down into two parts. Flirting is verbal flirting.
And flirting is non verbal flirting. Non-verbal and verbal. Basically, what this means is that
when you're talking to a woman, there's going to be things that you're saying, verbal,
that are going to be flirting with her, which can help spike emotions, which then build attraction.
And there's things that you're going to be doing with your body, non-verbal, that are also going to
help build a connection and be flirting with her. Let's go over the more simple ones to work on. Not
simple, necessarily to execute, but simple in the sense where it's easy to understand.
Non-verbal body language – the best thing you can do is give good eye contact. Good eye contact. Eye
contact is huge in terms of building a connection and piercing eye contact. You're looking at her in
the eye, you're not looking away, so she's gonna be able to tell that you are confident person. And
she's gonna be able to tell that you're flirting with her. She's gonna be able to tell like okay,
this guy is trying to connect with me right now and this is not some sort of friendly interaction.
And it's crazy but this can all be done with the eyes. Now you got your body positioning. Something
simple to think about is when you're talking to a girl, you don't want to be talking to her where
your shoulder is to the side of her shoulder. Imagine you guys are both in a movie theater
and you're watching a movie. You're shoulder to shoulder but you're not facing each other.
It's that body language that you want to get rid of. Obviously, when you go and approach a girl,
you're not gonna be shoulder to shoulder in that sense. Instead, you want to be facing her like
it's a mirror, like she's a mirror of you. The reason why this is important is because let's
say you go over and approach a girl, and you go in at this 45 degree angle, that's fine. But if
you keep talking at this 45 degree angle, she is going to be thinking, this guy's not here to
be talking to me. It seems like he has other things to do. This is a very passive conversation.
No, this is not a passive conversation. She has to understand this not passive, you are
interested in her. Interested through eye contact and interested in the fact that you're going to be
facing her. You're going to be facing her... and again, you don't be so intense with it where you
go up to her and you're three inches away from her nose. Although you might be sort of that close
when you are approaching her in let's say a social setting, like a loud bar, club,
a party or something like that. But the idea is, you can go into the 45 degree angle if you want.
But eventually you got to be... and pretty quickly within the first 30 seconds... you got to be
shoulder to shoulder in the sense that you're mirroring her so she knows this guy's talking
to me, we're here to form a connection, this guy's interested, we're flirting. Next part of flirting
is you want to qualify her. You want to qualify her. Qualifying means that you are basically
testing her to see if she is someone that you want to be talking to. This hits two things. One, it's
going to help you with your non-negotiables so you even know this is a girl that you want to be with.
You might say like hmm, so you're not one of those girls who orders out all the time and never cooks
are you? Maybe one of your non-negotiables is you want to be with a woman who knows how to
cook. Maybe that's something that's important to you. Whatever it is that's important to you,
you're going to be quizzing her, testing her, aka qualifying her
on what it is that you want in someone and by the fact that you're doing this,
you're challenging her. This is flirting with her. This is also building tension,
which builds attraction. Another way of flirting is withholding compliments.
People think that compliments are good thing. Guys think that compliments are a good thing.
What's happening when you compliment a girl is you're doing what every other guy is doing. And
so you're not standing out but also you're giving her all this validation and women
usually become attracted to a man by trying to seek validation from him. They're trying to get
something from him and the fact that you're not giving her that validation, that is saying to
her I want to chase this guy. I like this guy. It seems a little gamey, but these are just the
rules of attraction. This is just bottom line, how it works. She's going to be chasing you for that.
If you give her it all up front, it's like a cat. It's like a cat. When you're playing with a cat
and you're giving her so much attention, she's going to run away. But if you stay away from her,
she'll start to crawl next to you and start to come by you. Another form of flirting verbally,
is what's called push - pull, push - pull. I talk about this a lot. I also talk about this
in the Effortless Flirting module inside of Hooked. Push - pull is when you say something
that's a little bit like a tease. But then you pull her back in in a way where you're not fully
teasing her and trying to be a jerk. Here's an example. You're the coolest girl I've met
in the last 5 minutes. That's one line you could do. Let's say, you guys are agreeing on a lot
of different things. You're like oh, I like this, I like this too. And you might be like,
you know what, we get along too well. I don't know, I think this is too good to be true. This
is never gonna work out. You're teasing and playing with this fact, this push and pull
of like there's some good things about you guys and there's also some bad things about you guys.
There's some good things about her, there's not so good things about her. It's this dance. This
verbal dance, this flirt that's happening between the two of you. The idea here is because I gave
you a lot to work with, you only want to pick one at a time to work on. If you're using way too much
at once, it's going to be overwhelming and you're not going to be able to do it. You got to pick
one of these techniques and use that for let's say 10 to 15 approaches, get better at that and
then use another one. You're trying to master all the different types of ways of flirting, so
eventually you get better at it instead of trying to overwhelm yourself by doing everything at once.