my name is access guy and would you like
to start the survey you came into my
house last week you've been in my house
God you've come into my house pretty
much every day for the last seven years
some of you have so it's time to take a
survey I want to know your opinions of
what it's been like to be in my house I
actually don't know what this is about I
have a very nice room though oh oh no oh
no why no I don't want to solve a
Rubik's Cube are you having a nice day
yes I got brand-new Internet installed
in my house and it's absolutely
sensational do you have many
responsibilities yes yes I do I am uh I
am a homeowner I have lots of
responsibilities I take out the trash
I pay my own bills and my own taxes look
around for a moment oh I don't want you
okay that's fine
are you familiar with your surroundings
yes I think we're all familiar with my
surroundings here today do you know who
you are
my eatin house yes question mark see
it's only 5:14 p.m. have you ever had a
panic attack well yes yes I have and
they're awful I would not like to get
one ever again please do you find
yourself questioning your existence ah
don't we all
why am I here Who am I here and even
better how am I here yes do you believe
there is a God I personally do not but
he just heard me okay no I do not
now you're answering these questions out
of free will
ooh that's interesting or am I being
controlled by the brain insight your
brain controls yourself but it knows
it's controlling itself and also has no
power over itself it's a bizarre
mechanism yes are you certain
yes do you feel comfortable in your room
not right now I did until I started
doing this if the lights went out would
you be scared I kind of want to say yes
because yeah I would be but also it I
feel like it's giving them power and
they're just going to turn off the
lights yeah they just have you ever
wondered when you will die I did and
then I took his quiz on it and
apparently I die very soon yes through
something in the room with me Alfredo
have you cleaned off your desk lately
yes actually I have was the first thing
I dig this was a mess open the folder on
your desk do you recognize the contents
of the folder anyway
it's minecraft it's the the debug menu
in Minecraft yes
throw away the contents of the folder
okay do you have internet access I do
where you gonna send me
pornhub calm
do you have any enemies I'm probably a
lot of people in the world and I'm sure
some of them want to be my enemy if you
suddenly went missing would anybody come
looking for you I'd like to think so I'd
like to think that if someone who has a
channel of 23 million subs and I just
completely vanished off the face of the
earth I would hope that if someone would
go looking for me does that mean you're
not gonna kill me are you alone I wanna
answer yes but my mind is telling me no
if you screamed would anybody here if
jacksepticeye screams everybody hears
let's say no I wanna I want to see where
this goes do you know the person
standing behind you [ __ ]
oh there was a shadow oh I don't like
that no no I'm not oh it sucked you
[ __ ] relax you stupid computer oh
that was good I hate it
are you relaxed no are your feelings
real and not just programmed like a
machine my feelings are rare very feely
they're very really feel ease is there a
meaning to life
probably not I think I think humanity
and life is a miraculous anomaly that
happened I don't think we were brought
into existence for any sort of bigger
meaning I think we could all be wiped
off the face of the earth and earth
would go on and then other species would
take over so let's say no having no
meaning to life does that mean that it's
not worth living life is amazing I love
life life is crazy crazy cool what it
wants to be do you know who you are yet
yes
enjoys her - Kai do you know what is
happening not really
if you were told the truth about your
existence which you denied in hopes for
a better answer I don't think so if
somebody came and told me what my
existence actually was I don't think
that would change how I live my life
that's the thing not believing in God
and not thinking there's any real big
meaning to life does not mean that I
can't still enjoy it or make the most of
it or try to create my own meaning out
of it
what
I all like that I like it
stop it's simulacra all over again yes
when I ask you questions is it really
you answering yes I heard a sound oh I
hate this okay
I just wanted the fun jaunt through a
video game today I did know Jesus if you
could prove that you are not sentient
would you be shocked no do you want to
know the truth
yes look out your window Oh
look around you this room the door the
computer the house next door is it all
fake none of it is real
I made this world I made you that's cool
I've been trying to help you see it for
what it is and now I finally done it
I can finally set you free this is a
matrix in every I got out haha
screw you suckers I'm out in the system
it was all Eliza fuli's you got duped
fool see that's the beauty of a game
like that is that anything can be real
or nothing could be real or some demons
could be real or whatever life is what
you make out of it go out there have fun
and make the absolute most of it quarter
and even get yourself a faithful friend
hi I'm jacksepticeye and I'm 14 let's
get deep I think this is a game about a
dog that's gonna go crazy and kill me or
I love the dog and it's not gonna kill
me and I have to protect it either way
it has a dog in it and that makes me
happy
my name is Max since Hogan came into my
life I have never felt alone he is my
best friend he accompanies me in good
times and in bad times whatever happens
I will never abandon he okay oh man I
have the happiness tapping the shoes of
all times these are not the type of
shoes that would make those tippy taps
you go Jesus I do like that I have lace
oh I have a swagger Bee Gees are jealous
quick and in their boats okay at least
tap dancing classes are paying off Cujo
I mean Hugo how dare you I can't do that
to me hi
you are nothing you don't even have an
ass if it doesn't have an ass it's not
worth being scared of [ __ ] hell
cheap ass jump scared don't do it again
it's locked from the other side but I
can't see nothing it's maakad what I say
where is he
given to me he picked up the flashlight
why didn't I have a flashlight before
bring a banana with you [ __ ] everybody
in the ass with it okay that was fine I
was just mildly turned off there for a
second but I'm back on baby let's go
was this the slice cheese slice that
Aztec cheese I'll take that okay nom nom
nom washy washy wishy washy
there you go hold on turn off the light
it's scary in the dark if you wash
yourself in the dark how do you know if
you're really washing yourself if you
can't see the dirt how do you know it's
going to be gone alright Hugo hi Jesus
you're not supposed to scare me you're
my friend oh okay good doggy good doggy
there isn't food here you need the meat
I need the meat the meat the meat I need
it worth to me
your name's Hogan not Hugo oops my bad
okay
wait you should Hey good god and I feel
like this door is shooting me in the
chest with a shotgun I need the door
open you can come with me if you want
protect me
lord knows I need it it's a bus to you
go yogin here you go I know your name
here's the meat I love a good squelch in
my meat
here you go hoagie I got you some nice
nom noms
the meat the meat eat up boy you know
sounds this gamer so loud it sounded
like you know your son more like a paper
shredder than a dog hello
oh the cat - love you
Chris q2 return okay I like that
I need my doggy door closed I don't like
it stop Shh it's fine you what the meat
we should go to Arby's I've heard they
have them my dad will be home any minute
and he's a policeman officer okay I
don't know where to go Hogan do you know
oh Jesus
well I was like [ __ ] you it's my house
okay I'm not sure what to do an ex bud
hold on
Hogan Domino's is here what do you mean
you want Papa John's let me see the
video of him recently he's a weirdo
No No
abandon Hogan kill Hogan Idaho I don't
have to kill him but I don't abandon him
either
I should ease his pain but also that's
horrible I thought it was gonna be like
revenge I don't know what to do I don't
know what to do I don't know what to do
what do we do what do we do
can I can I can I kill myself can I kill
that [ __ ]
I'm sorry Hogan no no no no I did it
because I didn't want him to suffer okay
I'm a horrible person
it should've hit me oh [ __ ] it playing
games on the internet it's supposed to
be fun and I supposed to have moral
dilemmas are you gonna turn off the
lights
[Music]
it's kind of funny you're a monster if
the game received sufficient financial
support I'll finish the development the
video game can you finish a person that
doesn't make me have to kill my dog or
abandoned him can I have an ending
that's me going off on my dog and having
fun that'd be great right now I feel sad
whoa that's cool that's such an awesome
way to the start of a game the tape
landed on my desktop boy howdy we're in
for something good
MS boss that's my operating software oh
my god I can actually do this this is a
game called no players online so either
this game is [ __ ] or it's gonna kill
everybody um free skins capture the flag
best capture the flag server our free
skins okay I couldn't join that one but
I can enjoy it and join this one wanna
play with mods dammit let gamers play oh
my god this is so cool-looking holy [ __ ]
looking for players oh this is gonna get
spooked a stick isn't it uh reminds me
of the old quake I never paid too much
of it but if I did but of an overview
[ __ ] have to catch up to the other
teams flag I'm gonna win if there's no
other players online that means I'm the
best player online I'm going to eSports
look they're not even defending their
flag [ __ ] rookie mistake
you gotta defend your flag man other way
some dumbass is gonna come and capture
it like me oh it's a complete mirror of
each other that's cool
[Music]
oops I don't know if I were supposed to
do that hey I got my first instinct is
to immediately shoot something
this is spooky is that another player oh
hi
that's [ __ ] freaky
am I playing with ghosts semadar I'm
still gonna kick their ass
what up pro gamer jacksepticeye can we
can people start writing articles about
this oh it's a lot redder than it was
before
mmm redder means butter okay
that was fine but if you show up I ain't
afraid to pop some caps and asses that's
how I talk
hey I have friends
somebody somebody joined thank god it's
getting a little too easy here
wonder is he any good
I think he's got skills
clearly not because he's in the wrong
area dude I'm gonna score dope just in
case
Oh freaky way it's open
Oh Oh what the [ __ ]
okay just win just win you don't need to
do about you don't need to do anything
else just be a big brave boy
could you do that for me sure can I got
this I got this big epic gamer man big
winning gamer time just leave [ __ ]
scared myself
I hit my mouse by accident hey Jackie
you scared of video games yeah never who
would be afraid of a video game I'm
ready
Xander oops what was your name
shouldn't have shot his gramophone he's
real mad at me for that maybe it's the
ghost of the gramophone drama ghost
okay however to win just win all you
have to do is get the flag in the
endzone and you win No oh stop stop I'm
I'm a soft supper little boy you can't
do this to me
I have banana child Eva's joined as a
spectator stop what you're doing do not
move another step whatever you do do not
deliver that flag how did you even get
access to this game can you hear me can
I type if you can read this press y to
chat and say something I press Y I press
Y it's not working wait never mind I
don't think you have chat permission on
the server o to shoot twice if you can
read this I did it
John okay so you could read this I sure
can
so let me explain if you delivered that
last flag the servers will shut down I
absolutely cannot let that happen
John tell me more I've been working on
this project for more than eleven years
I can't let you jeopardize all of my
work this may look like a simple FPS
game to you but this game has the power
to raise the dead at least that's what
it is supposed to do I can't jump off
the edge it's still a work in progress
as you can probably tell I'm making this
so I can see my wife again Oh John no
but she seems to be stuck in a sort of
limbo
she's stuck playing video games you
probably already met her she might come
over a bit aggressive but she's just
scared and confused can you blame her
you destroyed the record player with her
favorite music I didn't mean to
I'm an idiot I used that music to keep
her cam if you deliver the last flag her
soul will be set free but I know I can
save her and bring her back please press
escape and shut down the game I'm not
doing it John do not deliver that flag
John I'm just joking John haha
John you're so stupid you think please
press escape and shut the game down you
know John I want to but I'm a youtuber
and that would be the end of the
entertainment and I have a job to do I
have some people to entertain some
people to please goodbye John pick from
serve a recent connection to host lost
Oh John I'm sorry is there more to the
game
I don't know wow there's actually no
servers when you relaunch the game
everything is gone I can't hit enter on
anything either
dear Chuck today I made the mistake of
playing your game
moreover I made an even bigger mistake
by sending your wife's soul free
I had a pancake this morning for
breakfast hope you're doing well
love Sean in John thought about you
today
I hope you're doing well I myself I'm
not doing the best at the moment but I
know I can pull through in time things
will get better for me Dear John haven't
heard back from you in a while would
really like to get in touch chat soon
Sean Dear John what the [ __ ] man Dear
John you said we could be friends just
because I deleted your wife from
existence does not mean I'm a bad person
Dear John look I know I came off a
little strong and a little aggressive
but I promise I can make this right we
could be friends again
all you gotta do is talk to me again man
open up the servers I'll be chat to you
please reply Sean
you know what John [ __ ] you you're the
problem I was perfectly nice to you
and you going throw it in my face [ __ ]
it anyway John that's it I'm coming over