Hello, welcome back ladies. It is TLC Thursday and I'm Christal, the Founder of
The Ladies Coach. As you know, we come out with videos every Thursday geared
towards topics and questions that you all may have. This week I couldn't
I couldn't get away from this topic actually was so crazy it was like a
domino effect of things that are happening in everyone's lives I guess I
mean. I got requested this topic about why it's so hard for us to move on,
or get out of a relationship that we feel it's not good for us. And after I
got suggested that topic three or four other women came to me whether through
text, whether through email, and asked the same thing which is so crazy so I wanted
to do a video on this, just to obviously answer anybody who's ever text
me or email me this and and tell you that I'm not going to give you a
straight answer but rather give you some really thought-provoking questions to
dig deep inside of you, to figure out what it is that you want and if this
relationship is something you want to move from or not. So in this video we're
going to go into five ways to dig deep within yourself, to find out what it is
that you really want out of your relationship. So here we go if you have a
pen and paper this will be definitely handy, as I'm trying not to make
this such a serious topic, because I can go on and on about it but I really want you
to write down these questions as I feel like they're so crucial ladies. So get a
pen and paper and let's get started.
Number One: What is it that you really want to feel?
Write this down. It takes you actually going into what it is that
you want to feel out of your spouse, or feel out of yourself. What is it that you
want to get when you come home how is your house? You know how is your
relationship? If you don't live together, how do you want to communicate? How do
you want to feel loved? What kind of things do you want your partner to
show you, and what kind of things do you want to do for your partner? I think the
most important thing before we start getting into all the negative qualms
about our partner, or about ourselves about our relationship, is to really just
be specific with ourselves. What do we want to feel? Because I think a lot of
time to go into relationships and sometimes we don't even know what you
know if it's our first time you know meeting somebody, or it's our first real
relationship you know, it's kind of like trial and error right? But the thing that
we can all really work on is the things that we want to feel, because once you
know that you kind of have a clear vision of what you want out of your
relationship. So Number One is what do you want to feel? And write down all the
ways that you want that other person, or yourself to make you feel more of the
better ways. So all the positive ways you want to feel, and what both you and your
spouse can do to make you feel that.
Number two ladies and I feel like this is actually
one of the most important things: Be very truthful of where you are
at with your relationship. What are the problems? what are you causing and what
is your partner causing? You know to create these problems. What I find is
women come to me about all the things that are going wrong with their relationships,
or whether they should move on, but at the same time they're not actually being
very specific about what's going wrong. I feel like as women we start trying to
justify once we start going into the negative things about relationships, then
we start going into the justifications. Oh well you know I just think we you know
he did this for this reason, and it's like you're coming to me to tell me
something negative in your relationship and why you want to move on, but then you end
up being your own coach. So what I want you to do, and I think this is
very important, is just be truthful. Stop sugarcoating, stop fluffing it up,
and stop trying to be your own coach. That's what I'm here for. But I
think that you need to be very specific and very truthful to what is actually
happening. The good and the bad. Don't just focus on the bad. What are the great
things about your relationship? What are the bad things about your relationship?
And don't justify it, just be truthful so if you have your pen and paper this is
actually one of the most important questions is be truthful and very
specific about what is happening now. Number Three ladies: What could you be
losing if you were to leave this relationship? This is something to be
very truthful about too, because sometimes we feel like we're in a relationship
that we want to leave, we can't because of this question. We get all these fears
of what's going to be uncomfortable, and what would you actually be losing and we
don't even know what it is. I guarantee if you write it down, you'll either say
"Wow I'm not losing anything important, or I'm actually losing a best friend, or I'm
actually losing my love." So this is another crucial question to ask yourself, and be
very very truthful with yourself again. Sometimes when you're writing it down, it may not
sound pretty. It may make you feel like you're a bad person, which you're not. If
you're thinking, if you're writing down because of a lifestyle you have with
this person, or because of your home, or because of your kids, or because your
parents love this person, or because all your friends. Or maybe it's because
you don't they all the things that you're losing is he's actually a best
friend to you, or actually the love of your life, or actually you have this like
great chemistry. But you won't know until you actually write it down, and some of
them will actually sound very ugly to you but I guarantee you're going to get
to the truth of what you're going to be losing, and then you can decide if it's
worth losing.
Number Four: What will you be gaining?
What things would you feel if
you left the relationship, and you feel it would actually be a good thing?
What things could you be doing for yourself? You know write down, just like I
how we said in number three. Write out all the things that you'd be losing.
Again write down all the things that you'd be gaining. Is it freedom? Is it
being yourself? Is it in living a life of passion? Or is it you know maybe
more stress maybe maybe losing this relationship
you're gaining more bad and negative things in your life. Who knows, but be
very truthful with yourself and write down all the things that you'll be
gaining from this. And again once you see these lists and you're in the state of
being truthful with yourself, you're going to see what it is, and if it's
worth it to leave this relationship and if it's going to make you a better
person. Most of the time and sometimes we gotta leave you know and when you see
these lists of things that you're going to be losing versus things that you're
going to be gaining, you're going to get a clearer picture of whether it's worth
it or not. So these two are very important. So again Number Four is write down all
the things that you're going to be gaining, and then just take a look at all
the reasons other things that you're going to be losing and the things are
you're going to be gaining and just see if there's anything that is an
epiphany to you.
Now Number Five: Is flip the script. Okay we went through all
these really deep questions it's going to get you and I really do suggest
you're doing these questions alone, and in your own time where you can really
get into a deep space with yourself. But number five is flip the script. What
could you do to improve this relationship? Now a lot of you are
probably watching this thing there's nothing I can do with this relationship
this relationship has been done. I can't do any more. This you know we've gone
through all these problems, that I just can't do it anymore. Tut I'm asking you
for the sake of the exercise, and to you know make me feel better about myself as a
coach. I'm asking you to flip the script. Meaning get into all the ways as a woman
in your energy, and in your power, how could you make your relationship better?
How could you transform it? Even if you can't think
of it, get into a feeling, because I guarantee you after this question after
this exercise of getting into how you can bring your power into transforming
this relationship whether or not this relationship works, I guarantee you your
next relationship and even just your life your relationship with yourself
will be that much stronger because you're going to be able to connect in
the ways you know to bring that power, to transform anyone you're around. So I think
this is another I feel like all my questions are really important. I keep
saying this is the most important, this is the most important. So I'm saying
that this is one of the most important powerful exercises, and flipping the script
is necessary to bring and tie everything that I just told you.
So really write down all the ways that you can transform this relationship,
because sometimes, even though we've gone through bad with a person
there's always room to transform a relationship. I've seen it thousands of
times, and your relationship which you think is so done and maybe you can't
stand it anymore. Your relationship could probably be one
of those that turns around, and turns into something passionate So all of these
questions I'm suggesting you do. I hope you had a pen and paper. But this last
one please go into your power, and feel all the ways that you can transform, and
write it down and start doing it. The last thing I'm going to say to you is
after this exercise if you feel like you're stuck in a relationship and you
just don't know how long it's going to be, and how you know you've done this
exercise or you're just like okay I got all my answers I'm not going to be
losing that much I'm going to be gaining a lot, and I say flip the script.
Give yourself 60 days. I say 60 days because if you're already in this like I
can't take it anymore, I just want to go, and I just want to figure out you know
if I'm got right to leave. I say do the 60 day rule. 60 days to really figure out
if this relationship can be transformed. 60 days to give all that you can give in
this relationship, to be able to transform it and
see where it goes. After the 60 days if it can't be worth fixing, or mending, or
transforming. At least you've been operating in a powerful way, so at least
you leaving this relationship will be even more powerful, and even more loving,
so that when you're out in the world on your own, you're able to live a life of
passion. When you're in a relationship with a new person, you're able to operate
on this very very deep and spiritual level. So after all of these exercises if
you still feel ladies that you can't seem to make this relationship
transform, give it 60 days, and really really live in your power and move on.
Okay so I'm so thankful you guys. Watch this whole video. I really hope you guys do
really take the time to do these exercises, and I will see you again next
Thursday for TLC Thursday. Again, I'm here for comments, questions, anything that you
want to discuss obviously after this video I'm around. So go ahead and comment
away! You know all the ways to see where I am social media and Twitter are we
going to be floating these around I hope so. Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, comment below,
and I'll see you next week