In this video I'm going to talk about shame attacking experiments
and how and why they can help people who suffer from social anxiety. First though I need to
explain a bit about how social anxiety works. When confronted with certain social situations
someone with social anxiety disorder will experience a flood of negative thoughts
like I don't know what to say or they will not like me or maybe I might say something stupid.
This leads to feelings of extreme anxiety and sometimes physical symptoms
such as an increased heart rate, faster breathing or blushing. Some may even have panic attacks
in social situations. These thoughts, feelings and physical symptoms drive a set of behaviors
that they use to protect themselves from the social situations that they fear. Unfortunately
these very behaviors actually reinforce the negative beliefs that feed this cycle of anxiety.
For example if they believe that no one likes them or wants to talk to them they may deliberately
avoid eye contact. If they see someone approaching them in the street they may turn away or look at
their phone. This makes it really hard for anyone to talk to them which reinforces the
belief that no one wants to talk to them. As long as they maintain this eye contact avoidance
their belief can never be disproved so will never change. Many of their beliefs may stem from bad
childhood experiences so they may have good reason to think that all people are judgmental
taunting or cruel. Because of the avoidance behaviors that they have developed they have never
been able to see an alternative perspective i.e most people are not judgmental taunting or cruel.
They often have a fear of being negatively judged or doing the wrong thing and believe that they
would not be able to tolerate the shame of making a mistake or committing a social faux pas. Shame
attacking experiments seek to disprove the negative beliefs that they have about
themselves or others and also their own ability to tolerate the judgment that they perceive and fear.
Shame experiments are best carried out with support from a trained therapist
as part of a wider package of counselling. Carrying them out on your own without support
and guidance could be counterproductive and could make the social anxiety worse.
This is how a shame attacking experiment is performed.
First you choose a negative belief. The therapist will be able to help you choose this.
Next rate how strong that belief is from one to ten.
Then choose a task that will test this belief. Then write down what you predict will happen.
Next you perform the task and then you write down what actually happened.
Finally you reflect on what happened and re-rate your belief strength. If you google
shame attacking experiments you will find some pretty crazy suggestions. For example lying down
on the floor in the middle of a busy street or walking along the road with a banana on a lead.
Personally I think these suggestions are ridiculous and for someone with social
anxiety disorder it would be the equivalent of locking someone with claustrophobia in a lift.
These extreme experiments also have a higher risk of backfiring.
However there are many much less extreme shame attacking experiments that can be used.
let's have a look at one shame attack and experiment that is challenging for someone
with social anxiety but not extreme as mentioned previously. People with social anxiety may have
the belief that if you say something stupid or make a mistake people will mock you and judge
you and they will be unable to tolerate the shame. This experiment seeks to challenge that. First you
stand outside a well-known shop or cafe then you ask a passer-by if they can tell you where it is.
You're basically pretending you haven't spotted it even though you're right next to it
Here is an example of how this experiment would be recorded for the negative belief.
They said if I say something stupid or make a mistake people will mock me and I will
not be able to tolerate the shame. For the strength of belief they scored it as nine.
The task was to stand outside a cafe and ask someone where it is.
Their prediction was they will either mock me or get angry with me for wasting their time and I
will die of embarrassment. What actually happened? They smiled and said it's right behind you
When they reflected on what happened they said although I felt a bit silly it wasn't as bad as
I thought. They didn't get angry and didn't mock me. When they re-rated their belief it had gone
down to a six. It didn't go down further because they felt it may have just been down to luck.
This is not unusual and positive experiences are often played down
it may take a few more shame experiments and other exercises before the belief score reduces further.
Here are some more simple shame attacking experiments. A conversation with someone on
the other side of the road. Ask someone their age. Spell someone's name wrong in an email or letter.
Wear something adventurous that you would not normally wear. Sing or whistle as you walk down
the street. Say good morning to a stranger. Shame attacking experiments have the following benefits.
They prove that you can act against your emotions. It convinces you that even if people dislike or
disapprove of your behavior you are able to tolerate the disapproval. It teaches us that
nobody really notices what we do and we exaggerate the disapproval and rejection that we expect.
Most of all they boost confidence and can leave someone with social anxiety feeling elated when
they realize what they are capable of and how what they feared isn't real. A word of warning though.
The elation soon passes and if the person with social anxiety
goes back to their avoidance behaviors, the negative beliefs will become stronger again.
This is why it's important to use shame attack and experiments as part of an ongoing package of
therapy not just a one-off. Second word of warning a lot of these experiments are not suitable
for people who deal with their social anxiety by pretending to be extremely extroverted
which is something I will cover in a future video. So if you're interested in social anxiety or any
other anxiety disorders make sure you subscribe to my channel. Also please share my video so others
who suffer anxiety can benefit. The key to beating anxiety is knowledge let's share that knowledge.