How thick is your tonic wine?
We like things thick.
Oh, well I mean we know. [EVERYONE LAUGHS]
Do the jerk.
He's taking another sip,
so that's really good. [CROSS SPEAKING].
You know, people smoke crack after they smoke crack Zeze. [EVERYONE LAUGHS]
Hello and welcome to The Culture Capsule,
I'm your host, KG.
Oh, my word,
Jesus.
Big man,
I was fully going to introduce you myself,
make it more profesh and ting
But, since you want to rush me,
I'll do it now.
Over to you.
Our in-house
artificial intelligence system
is voiced by none other than grime legend D Double E.
Think of him as our...
Alexa.
There to jump in with important facts.
Bluku, bluku.
This episode I’m joined by juggernauts of the culture.
If sarcasm was a person that used shea butter,
it would be Dane Baptiste.
We have multi-discipline activist,
educator and content creator
Darkwah and theee...
you listening?
cultural commentator,
the one and only Zeze Mills.
Black British people have
iconic bevvies that are found
at all the functions.
Let’s see which iconic drink will win.
Oh my gosh,
it's the drinks episode.
Darkwah, what did
you bring with you today?
Um today I have a drink that is much bigger than myself,
‘cause personally I don’t really like it that much.
OK, that's new.
Um but what we’re doing here is so much bigger than just my personal preference
so I thought I'd take one for the team,
do it for the culture,
I have Supermalt.
OK. Dane,
what have you brought with you today?
I’ve brought what some people in the community refer to
as liquid Viagra,
also known as the elixir of licking it
um this is tonic wine.
It's very, very delicious.
Zeze, what item have you got today?
Um today I have got the best drink,
um especially within the Caribbean culture [Ok]
This is needed
[Yeah] when you’re feeling down, especially with,
you know we’ve just gone through a global pandemic, [Ok]
everyone's sad,
everyone’s lonely [Yeah]
you know sometimes the hard liquor, it’s too much, what you need in life is you need a creeper [Yeah]
something that is just gonna...
get you there.
And that's rum punch.
Round one. The debate.
You guys are really fighting for your items,
the only way it gets in here
is with the strongest argument.
Right.
Alright, so I wanna question you on the colour.
Right.
Why is it that you think that something that looks so artificially coloured should be preserved
for the future?
I mean what feeling do you get when you look at this?
Do you not feel vibrant?
Do you not feel happy?
Do you not feel alive?
I get a sugar rush. [LAUGHS]
Well, that's what you need in life,
you need a sugar rush. [Right]
In life you need, you need, we need a pick me up,
Why would I want to drink something that
weighs me down instead of making me feel light and happy?
Why would I want to drink something
where I have to carry something around to open it up?
And this, I mean what is this?
This is just like some Rasta man’s fake wine.
Madam, that’s how you got here, how very dare you.
This however is so elegant.
That might be the reason you are here.
It’s elegant, I go for elegance [Yeah] as you can see
and this is nothing but elegance.
If you saw that red, like you know and they sampled your blood
you’d think you were very sick.
Now you want to about good reds,
We're talking about this tonic wine.
Now, there are several brands that are available.
[Yeah] They all have names which kind of pertain to the strength they provide.
Like one will be like, you know, 'Stallion'
one's called like 'Aroused Horse'.
Another one was called like
'Bumbaclart Bronco'
They got all good names.
Very delicious, and, you know, taking into account what Zeze said,
yes, this drink is also a creeper.
I like to lay it down every so often
[Mm] and I like to lay it down when I’m a little bit lit.
I don't need a tonic wine
to get my engines going, you know what I mean?
Wow, oh!
If there is some kind of ecological
or humanitarian disaster in the future, [Yeah]
what people are going to need to do
is reproduce and repopulate the earth [Yeah]
This is basically
if steroids and Lucozade had sex
and had a baby, [Wow]
that’s what that drink is and that will help the world to start all over again.
If you had, let's say,
a crate of Supermalt,
how many meals do you even need to eat?
This drink is a meal in itself.
You will be able to actually sit at home
and drink Supermalt and nap.
Sleep well, sleep fine,
not only that, it's got so much in it,
[It’s a strong argument]
that you will have the energy to dagger and,
and procreate and recreate and reproduce.
It's not even alcohol.
What is the point of it?
It's like drinking treacle.
Like if you made fizzy treacle.
You want to talk about treacle?
How thick is your tonic wine? [GASPS]
We like things thick.
Oh well I mean we know. [EVERYONE LAUGHS]
Let's just... if you like it thick,
[Yes]
If you if you like your thick drinks,
what is thicker than the dark,
black, succulent, sumptuous...
[Oh she’s, mm...]
Supermalt?
Again, so are you saying you don’t like black?
Are you saying you don't like black?
I love black.
Really?
Anything black,
can, go down my throat.
[EVERYONE LAUGHS]
What country are you from?
I'm from Grenada, Zeze.
You are a traitor.
How? How?
[Traitor]
How very dare you madam.
This is the thing, I set, I set the scene,
I'm coming for the culture sis.
This is, this is...
You're not playing a smart game here.
You're not thinking about the...
you're not thinking about our culture.
When your penis is powered by tonic wine
you don't need to be smart
or even friendly Zeze.
Why must you think with your appendage?
Genitalia is not the only thing that we have to use to determine life.
Why are you guys going raving?
What do you guys go raving for, to have a good time with your friends?
Yes I am, I go raving to have a good time with my friends.
[Alright, one second, I'm going to hear from Zeze]
KG, what I'm trying to do is make your job easier [Yeah]
What you need to do is get rid of one drink, ok? [Yeah]
You're not going to get rid of rum punch,
and you're not going to get rid of Magnum.
[Wow, no what]
Can I just say, so what I'm trying to let you know,
is that Supermalt needs to go.
[CROSS SPEAKING]So the one West African on here,
the one West African on this panel, now you want me out?
I heard they don't even drink it that much in West Africa.
I said it. It's said.
Have you been to West Africa?
But... no.
When was the last time you visited West Africa?
Well, it took my family...
Oh, OK. So that...
No, thats why I need my tonic wine now. [EVERYONE LAUGHS]
See this is the thing...
No, no I'm going to sterilise my trauma now.
I hope you're happy, Darkwah.
Yo KG, did you know that Jamaican tonic wine
contains vitamin B and iron?
Coming like a Viagra ting you know?
It’s doing the same ting you know?
Ahaa,
my artificial intelligence, dirtee-tee.
Alright people so you guys have made some strong arguments,
but I created a small criteria to decide
if these drinks can make it in these places;
in a rave?
Mm mm.
Definitely.
House party?
[Yes] Festival?
Yes.
Yes, well this drink is definitely making it into a rave,
it's small enough to go into a clutch bag,
[Yeah] you know so you pass that to your partner or a friend,
then you get inside and...
[So you want to smuggle goods?]
I believe Magnum can.
No I don’t, I don’t...
Supermalt definitely can't.
Woah woah woah woah woah,
don't say Supermalt...
Rum punch [Yeah] I can take it anywhere [Yeah]
and that’s what we need, you know, [CROSS SPEAKING].
We've earned the right to unwind.
Can, can you take rum punch anywhere?
Because don’t you have to actually make it in like a container and then ladle it out?
Like that is the most inconvenient thing.
I'm making a decision, you guys,
these arguments have been amazing,
they’ve been some real strong ones and it was unexpected.
The Caribbean have come strong.
No.
And I have to say it [No] I’m so sorry to say it and I
[No, no] was not expecting it
[Africa is the root of life]
And as a West African man myself,
This hurts, but...
Supermalt has to go.
You know, there's an old West African saying.
What West African saying?
You can’t spell Stout without out and Supermalt is out!
Get some Guinness in your life!
It's round two.
Can you hold your drink?
For our last two drinks,
we're going to have to work out
how authentic they are in this ting of ours.
We’re gonna have to bust a couple of cultural significant skanks
and you have to keep the content in your cup. You know, from early
we were taught to hold our drink and this section is no exception.
Alright so I’ve explained this round and you guys know exactly what to do.
You need to keep the content
in the glass.
Darkwah, give us the dances, you’re gonna take it,
take us from easy
to culturally difficult.
Alright. Right. 'Willie Bounce'
Thats not 'Willie Bounce' your doing,
you're doing some next Jamaican dance.
I'm not Jamaican, Zeze. [CROSS SPEAKING]
[CROSS SPEAKING] Hey
I’m happy with that first round.
No drinks, everything is in my cup.
OK, very good. Very good.
Is that so?
Small spillage, small spillage.
That was him.
It's OK.
Not me.
Take us to the next level.
Alright so drinks in your right hands please.
We’ve gone from the Caribbean, we’re going to Africa now.
Very important.
So we're going to do a little Azonto.
So you're going to move,
just like so.
The leg is important.
The leg is very important.
[Yes] Now bring it down.
Oh okay, lovely.
Give me some levels.
No no I want you, I wanna see you go down.
It’s gotta be significant, you gotta meet them you know when it [CROSS SPEAKING].
What are you azontoing towards? Are we...?
Oh, wow. there is spillage.
Theres a lot of spillage going on here.
It sounds like you're just mad because you're spilling your drink.
Well we’re gonna go on to the third dance.
This is the clincher.
OK, this one is fun.
It always gets people lit, always gets people hype.
So we're going to jerk.
Right, so it's like, one, two...
Do the jerk, come on.
Do the jerk, do the jerk.
It's gotta be do the jerk.
Zeze move.
I’m moving, I’m moving.
Zeze’s lack of rhythm is putting me off.
I am, look I’m even doing it in the same time as you.
Are you?
Yeah, look.
She's doing it in reverse!
We look like a synchronised dance group right now.
I don't think there's any synchronicity
in what you're doing here sis.
I've already made my decision, but it would be unfair to put something
in the capsule without tasting it
yeah, so I'm going to do a quick taste test.
Do the rum punch, let’s, let’s just get the rum punch over and done with.
Wow. The shade.
Get it out the way
you need something to wash that disgusting taste out of your mouth with.
I would’ve done it the other way around,
he’s taking another sip so that’s really good, really good.
Is it or is it just confusing him?
You know, people smoke crack after they smoke crack Zeze[EVERYONE LAUGHS]
so it doesn't mean he enjoys it,
he might just be a poor poor addict.
Wow.
Go on, get that down ya, try not to fall in love.
Alright. [Yeah]
Umm...
I've done it.
I made my decision.
Very difficult decision because they’re really nice.
[Of course they are]
Both drinks are really nice.
The thing that's going into the Culture Capsule is...
the tonic wine.
Yes!
[That is foul]
Alright so Dane,
I need you to do the honours
and place that on the capsule.
Delicious. So delicious.
But you know what might taste a bit sweeter than tonic wine?
What's that?
The taste of victory.
Mmm, mmm. So sweet.
Well, dear future generations, when you wake up
knee deep in all the love juices that you've ever asked for,
[Ok] you think of your great grandfather
Dane “Strong Arm” Stallion Baptiste.
For the children of the future.
Bun the pagans bun the vultures.
This is the capsule for all the culture...
INSIDE!
Opening capsule, opening capsule.
[Boo, I’m happy and I’m sad]
Well you should’ve drunk a Magnum then shouldn’t you Zeze? [EVERYONE LAUGHS]
That would’ve changed it right up.
Bun the pagans. Bun the vultures.
This is the capsule for all the culture.
And that's it for this episode,
a big shout out to our amazing guests,
they smashed it, so clean.
But it’s still dirtee-tee-tee.
Join us next time where I'll be joined by more celebrity guests to decide
another artefact to go into
The Culture Capsule.