>> Greg: PRETTY INSANE, HAPPY
THURSDAY EVERYONE.
IT’S ALMOST THE WEEKEND HAD NOT
CAN’T WAIT.
EMERGENCY ROOM HERE I COME.
A FEW DAYS AGO WE PLAYED TAPE OF
THE INCOMING WHITE HOUSE PRESS
SECRETARY CALLING ALL OF US
RACIST, ROLL IT.
>> FOX NEWS WAS RACIST BEFORE
CORONAVIRUS, THEY ARE RACIST
TURNING, THEY WILL BE RACIST
AFTER THE CORONAVIRUS, THERE IS
NOTHING NEW HERE.
>> Greg: SO TRUE.
THIS SHOULD UPSET ME, WHAT THAT
I EVER DO TO HER?
OTHER THAN OPPRESS HER BY MY
VERY EXISTENCE BECAUSE I’M A
MIDDLE-AGED WHITE GUY -- MIDDLE
AGED.
WE’VE NEVER EVEN MET, I DON’T
KNOW WHERE SHE LIVES UNLIKE THE
SUPREME COURT JUSTICES.
I’M MOWING FRED KAVANAUGH’S LAWN
ON SATURDAY.
HE PAYS ME IN BEER.
ONCE SHE BECOMES PRESS SECRETARY
AND IS ASKED IF SHE STILL THINKS
FOX NEWS IS RACIST, WILL SHE
HAVE AN ANSWER READY?
WILL IT BE AN HONEST ONE LIKE
THAT WAS JUST TV, OR WILL SHE
DANCE AROUND IT LIKE LISMORE AND
DOES AT A BONFIRE TO CELEBRATE
THE END OF WINTER.
LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT A PAST
DEMOCRATIC DEBATE FEATURING JOE
WHEN HE STILL HAD A WORKING
BRAIN AND CONTROL OF HIS.
AND IS NOW VICE PRESIDENT BEFORE
HIDING LIKE A SERIAL KILLER ON A
RUN.
>> IT WAS HURTFUL TO HEAR YOU
TALK ABOUT THE REPUTATION OF TWO
UNITED STATES SENATORS WHO BUILT
THEIR REPUTATIONS AND CAREER ON
SEGREGATION OF RACE IN THIS
COUNTRY.
YOU ALSO WORKED WITH THEM TO
OPPOSE BUSING.
THERE WAS LITTLE GIRL IN
CALIFORNIA WHO WAS PART OF THE
SECOND CLASS TO INTEGRATE HER
PUBLIC SCHOOLS AND SHE WAS BUS
TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY.
AND THAT LITTLE GIRL WAS ME.
>> Greg: I DIDN’T SEE THAT
COMING.
HARRIS CALLING BIDEN A RACIST,
IT WAS HER ONLY MEMORABLE DEBATE
MOMENT DESPITE GETTING CRUSHED
BY POSEY GABBARD BUT DID SHE
MEAN IT, SHE SEEMED SO SINCERE
AND IT’S HARD FOR HER TO SEEM
SINCERE, KAT’S HAIR IS LESS
FAKE.
SHE TWISTED THE KNIFE INTO THAT
OLD WHITE RACIST, DID SHE MEAN
IT?
IT’S QUITE AN ACCUSATION, I HOPE
YOU TOOK IT SERIOUSLY.
>> IT WAS A DEBATE.
>> NOT EVERYBODY LANDED PUNCHES
LIKE YOU DID.
>> IT WAS A DEBATE.
>> SO YOU DON’T MEAN IT.
>> IT WAS A DEBATE, IT’S THE
WHOLE REASON, LITERALLY IT WAS A
DEBATE, IT’S CALLED THE DEBATE.
THERE WERE JOURNALISTS THERE
COVERING THE DEBATE.
>> Greg: IT WAS A DEBATE!
I HAPPEN TO THINK
STEPHEN COLBERT HAD HER ON
BECAUSE SHE HE HEARD IT SHE WILL
LAUGH AT ANYTHING INCLUDING HIM.
CALLING HIM A RACIST WAS A
THEATRICAL DEVICE, NOTHING WILL
GO WRONG.
IT’S ACCEPTABLE DURING A
TELEVISED DEBATE WHETHER IT’S
TRUE OR NOT IT’S OKAY TO SMEAR
SOMEONE AS RACIST IF THEY MAKE
YOU THE SECOND MOST POWERFUL
PERSON IN THE WORLD.
AFTER DR. JILL.
SHE’S GOT THE PRESCRIPTION PADS,
SHE’S A DOCTOR.
IS THE POLITICAL EQUIVALENT OF
SLAMMING A FOLDING CHAIR OVER
THE BACK OF A COMPETITOR IN PRO
WRESTLING.
IT LOOKS DEVASTATING BUT IT’S
PART OF THE GAME.
IT CAN RUIN YOU.
WITH HARRIS, THE CHAIR IS REAL
BUT THE PERSONALITY IS STILL
PHONY.
WHAT DOES THAT EXAMPLE TELL YOU?
IF JEAN-PIERRE IS NEVER ASKED BY
OUR VERY OWN DUMB SLB
PETER DOOCY IF SHE THINKS HE’S
RACIST, SHE WILL LIKELY SAY THAT
WAS IN THE PAST, LET’S MOVE ON
TO REAL ISSUES WHICH WILL REVEAL
HOW LITTLE THEY TAKE THEIR
OPINION SERIOUSLY.
IT’S LIKE WHEN ONE YOUR FRIENDS
START A RUMOR YOU BEAT YOUR WIFE
AND YOU SAID LIGHTEN UP, JUST A
JOKE.
HERE, CALLING PEOPLE RACIST IS A
GOOD CAREER PATH.
IT’S QUITE A RACKET CLAIMING
EVERYTHING IS RACIST TO GET A
REALLY GOOD JOB.
I BELIEVE WE ARE LEADING THE
WORLD IN SUCCESSFUL OPPRESSED
PEOPLE.
HOW MANY PEOPLE WHO USE THE WORD
RACIST OR ACTUALLY SERIOUSLY
THINKING ABOUT IT AT THE TIME.
HAS ANYONE RESPONDED TO THEM,
COULD YOU PLEASE GIVE AN
SPECIFIC EXAMPLE OF MY RACISM,
DON’T THINK OF SLAVERY AND
JIM CROW UNLIKE A JOE BIDEN AND
DAVY CROCKETT, WASN’T BORN THEN.
MY GUESS IS THEY WILL BE QUIETER THAN THE SET OF WHO IS TALKING
THAN THE SET OF WHO IS TALKING
TO CHRIS WALLACE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I’M JUST GOING TO STEW IN THAT.
NOW THE WORD RACIST IS
MEANINGLESS BECAUSE PEOPLE
THROWING IT AROUND MADE IT
MEANINGLESS.
IT’S THE SEMANTIC EQUIVALENT OF
THE FED PRINTING TOO MUCH MONEY.
THE MORE THEY PUT IT OUT THERE,
THE LESS VALUE IT HAS >>
REMEMBER WHEN WHITE SUPREMACIST USED TO MEAN KKK?
USED TO MEAN KKK?
NOW IT’S LARRY ELDER.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU END UP
RUNNING INTO SOMEONE YOU SMEARED
AS A BIGOT -- JUST LIKE ME
INTERVIEWING A NAKED NBA PLAYER,
IT COULD GET AWKWARD.
THE HEIGHT IS A PROBLEM.
ROLE IT.
♪ ♪
>> I WILL HAVE THE CRUELTY FREE
POTATO CHIPS, EXTRA VEGAN
MILK SHAKE AND A SIDE OF THE
FREE RANGE KALE.
>> YOU DON’T REMEMBER ME?
YOU TOLD HR THAT I WAS RACIST
AND THAT ZOOM CALL.
>> IT DOESN’T COUNT, ZOOM IS NOT
A REAL.
>> I WAS IN LINE FOR A BIG
PROMOTION.
>> STOP GETTING MAD AT ME, DON’T
YOU KNOW GETTING MAD AT IS
SEXIST?
>> YOU RUINED MY CAREER, TAKE
YOUR CHIPS.
>> I’M NOT PAYING FOR THESE
BECAUSE THE POTATOES WERE GROWN
ON INDIGENOUS LAND.
SEE YOU LATER, RACIST.
>> THAT WAS AMAZING,
CONGRATULATIONS, WE ARE MAKING
VICE PRESIDENT OF THE COMPANY.
>> AMAZING, YOU’RE FIRED!
RACIST!
>> THANK YOU FOR HOLDING ME
ACCOUNTABLE, APPRECIATE YOUR
TIME.
>> Greg: CROWD FAVORITE.
MEANWHILE THE RIGHT ONCE AGAIN
LEARN FROM THE LEFT AND FOUND
THEIR OWN SMEARED TO DRIVE THEM
NUTS.
WHAT CAME FROM THE DISNEY
CONTROVERSY IN FLORIDA?
ONE WORD -- GROOMER.
I THOUGHT IT GROOMER WAS THE GUY
WHO DID MY BIKINI WAX.
SHOUT OUT TO JULIO.
NOW EVERY LEFTY IS A GROOMER
BECAUSE IT’S A MIRROR OF WHAT
THE DEMS DID WITH RACIST OR DO.
EVERY RICH PERSON RACIST, EVERY
WHITE PERSON RACIST, EVERY TRUMP
RALLY RACIST, EVERY DEAD
PRESIDENT EVERY MONUMENT, EVERY
NAME OF EVERY SCHOOL, PODCAST
OR, COMEDIAN, RACIST, RACIST,
RACIST.
THAN EVERY LEFT-WING TEACHER IS
A GROOMER.
EVERY LEFT-WING DISNEY EMPLOYEE
WHO WANTS A GENDER STUDIES TALK
TO TODDLERS AS A GROOMER.
EVERYONE WHO DEFENDS THE
MEDICALIZATION OF CONFUSED KIDS
IS A GROOMER.
EVERYONE WHO OWNS THE OWN ISLAND
AND NAMES THEIR PRIVATE PLANE
THE LOLITA EXPRESS IS -- THAT’S
A BAD EXAMPLE.
BUT YOU GET IT.
HIM GROOMER IS THE RIGHT ANSWER
TO RACIST.
YOU CALL US BIGOTS, WE CALL YOU
GROOMER, IT’S GOING TO GET HARD
FOR THE LEFT OF FIGURE TWO IS
LEFT TO CALL RACIST.
MEANWHILE REAL RACISTS GET OFF
SCOT-FREE.
ULTIMATELY WHAT SHOULD YOU DO
WHAT YOU END UP RUNNING INTO
SOMEBODY YOU LABELED WHO LABELED
TO.
YOU SHOULDN’T REWARD THEM BY
MAKING YOU VICE PRESIDENT. THAT WOULD BE STUPID, THAT WOULD
THAT WOULD BE STUPID, THAT WOULD
BE VERY STUPID, YOU GROOMER.
LET’S WELCOME THE NIGHT’S
GUESTS!
HE’S GOT -- HOST OF THE GUY
BENSON SHOW AND FOX NEWS
CONTRIBUTOR, GUY BENSON!
HE’S SO SHREDDED I USE HIM IN
THE KITCHEN TO GRADE CHEESE.
ROSS SMITH.
SHE’S LIKE A PAPER STRAW, THIN,
WHITE AND SHE WILL DECOMPOSE
INTO GO MONTHS.
FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR KAT TIMPF.
AND THE LAST TIME HE SLIPPED AND FELL, THE GRAND CANYON APPEARED
FELL, THE GRAND CANYON APPEARED
TO.
TYRUS!
>> IT’S LIKE DIE TOWN --
>> Greg: IT’S LIKE DIE TOWN
WITH A GUY.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
>> SOUNDS OF THE FUN PLACE TO GO
THIS WEEKEND.
>> IT WAS A GROUP BUT NOW IT’S
JUST ONE GUY AND HIS NAME IS
GUY, TALKING ABOUT NEWS,
WATCHING BASEBALL, GOING BOATING
BOATING, GUY BENSON TOWN!
>> WHAT?
>> HOW MUCH DO YOU SPEND ON
THOSE GRAPHICS?
>> Greg: $280,000, WE HAD TO
LET GO THREE PEOPLE FROM THE
CAFETERIA TO MAKE THAT.
IT WAS WORTH IT, THEY DIDN’T DO
VERY MUCH AND THEY ALWAYS STARED
AT ME AND THEY AREN’T SUPPOSED
TO LOOK ME IN THE EYE.
THERE WERE SO CLOSE TO
RETIREMENT BUT NOW THEY ARE
GETTING THEIR PENSION, NEXT TIME
DON’T LOOK AT ME, WHERE AM I?
HERE’S THE DEAL.
THE KAMALA THING AND THE
JEAN-PIERRE THING BOTH HAVE
SOMETHING IN COMMON IN THE SENSE
THAT THEY ARE JUST PLAYING A
GAME AND WHEN THE GAME, WHEN THE
CASH OUT OF THE GAME IT’S LIKE
NO HARD FEELINGS BUT YOU DO CALL
PEOPLE RACIST SO WAS THAT’S JUST
PART OF THE GAME AND WE ARE
SUPPOSED TO LAUGH IT OFF BECAUSE
WE ARE IN THE MEDIA?
THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO CAN’T COME
BACK FROM THAT.
>> I THINK WHAT WAS TELLING WITH
THE VERY LAST THING WE PLAYED IN
THE CLIP FROM THE INCOMING
PRESS SECRETARY WHERE SHE WENT
THROUGH THE WHOLE LITANY, SHE
SAID THERE’S NOTHING NEW HERE.
THAT IS TRUE, THEY HAVE LIKE
THREE MOVES AND THIS IS ONE OF
THEM.
THERE IS NOTHING NEW IN SMEARING
A BUNCH OF PEOPLE AS RACIST AND
THEY ARE RUNNING OUT OF
REAL ESTATE HERE.
THE AMERICAN PEOPLE AREN’T
BUYING IT.
THE NEW POLL TESTED THING IS
ULTRA MAGA WHATEVER THAT MEANS.
IT’S LIKE FUND-RAISING LEVEL FOR
THE RNC.
SILVER, GOLD, PLATINUM, AND
ULTRA MAGA.
THEY ARE GOING TO LEAN INTO IT
AND IF YOU DONATE NOW YOU’RE
GOING TO GET A FREE TRUMPY
THERE.
THEY HAVE NOTHING LEFT SO THEY
THREW OUT A VERY LOADED WORD
THAT IS OFFENSIVE AND A LOT OF
PEOPLE SHRUG AND ROLL THEIR EYES
MET THEIR FAULT.
>> Greg: ULTRA MAGA SOUNDS
LIKE SOMETHING I GET AT THE
PHARMACY.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? >> NO.
>> NO.
NOT MAKING EYE CONTACT.
>> Greg: ROB, IS IT A FAIR
CORRELATION WHEN YOU SAW PEOPLE
WHEN THEY REACTED TO THE PHRASE
GROOMER -- IT WAS LIKE THIS A
MONTH AGO, THEY ALL FREAKED OUT,
I FOUND IT HIGHLY ENTERTAINING
BECAUSE NOW THEY GOT A TASTE OF
THEIR OWN MEDICINE -- I DON’T
BELIEVE ALL LIBERALS ARE
GROOMERS COME UP WITH THAT’S
RIDICULOUS BUT IT WAS FUN.
>> IT WAS FUN BECAUSE THEY WERE
SO TRIGGERED, THAT’S THE THING.
BACK TO THE KAMALA HARRIS
MOMENT, THAT MIGHT BE ONE OF MY
FAVORITE MOMENTS EVER IN
KAMALA HARRIS HISTORY.
THE CAMERA GOES IN AND IT GETS
REALLY QUIET, THE MUSIC STARTS
AND SHE SAYS I WAS THAT LITTLE
GIRL.
THAN THE T-SHIRTS, REMEMBER THE
T-SHIRTS ON THE WEBSITE
IMMEDIATELY WHEN SHE SAID THAT.
>> Greg: THE FASTEST T-SHIRT
COMPANY EVER.
>> IT WAS INSANE.
CALLING EVERYTHING RACIST IS THE
BEST DRIFT ON THE LEFT.
THE GUY WHO RODE HOW TO BE AN
ANTIRACIST, $20,000 AN HOUR TO
CALL WHITE PEOPLE RACIST, I WANT
THAT JOB.
I WOULD LOVE THAT JOB.
>> I’M NOT PAYING YOU.
>> Greg: I’LL PAY YOU TO CALL
HIM A RACIST.
STEALING MY SWEATER.
TYRUS -- LET ME SWITCH THAT
QUESTION.
WHAT DO YOU THINK THE NEXT SMEAR
IS GOING TO BE?
HAPPY THOUGHT ABOUT THAT?
>> THE NEXT TIME YOU MAKE A SHOT
AT WRESTLING LIKE THAT -- HAVE
YOU EVER TAKEN A CHAIR SHOT?
YOUR POINT WAS IT WAS FAKE?
>> Greg: I SAY THAT!
I CAREFULLY EDITED THAT LINE.
>> THAT’S ONE OF THE REALIST
THINGS IT GETS, THERE’S NO NICE
WAY TO HIT A GUY OVER THE HEAD
WITH A STEEL CHAIR.
>> Greg: HE TAKES US VERY
PERSONALLY.
>> HAVE YOU EVER BEEN HIT WITH A
CHAIR ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU’RE A
BIG GUY THEY THINK YOU CAN TAKE
VOCAL OR FIVE OF THEM.
>> Greg: ARE THOSE WHEELCHAIRS
WHEELCHAIRS?
REAL CHAIRS?
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
THEY ARE NOT, I’M GOING TO BRING
ONE TOMORROW NIGHT ON THE SHOW.
YOU RACIST.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU GET $20,000.
WITH INFLATION, THAT’S WHAT, SIX
BUCKS?
THEY ARE SAYING EVERYBODY IS
RACIST, IT’S A SHAME BECAUSE
PEOPLE IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY
WHO ARE GETTING THESE GREAT JOBS
ATTACKING BY CALLING RACIST,
SUNNY FROM THE VIEW, SHE
RECENTLY TRIED TO TEAR DOWN A
BLACK WOMAN FOR BEING A
REPUBLICAN, SHE SAID A BLACK
REPUBLICAN IS AN OXYMORON.
THAT’S ABOUT AS RACIST AS YOU
GET WHEN SOMEONE’S IN SKIN COLOR
DETERMINES THE WAY THEY ARE ABLE
TO THINK.
APPARENTLY WANTING SMALL
GOVERNMENT AND TO KEEP MOST OF
YOUR TAX MONEY, YOU CAN’T BE
BLACK AND DO THAT.
TAKING IDEOLOGIES AWAY FROM A
GROUP IS THE DEFINITION OF
RACISM AND ITS NOT COMING FROM
THE RIGHT.
GUY IS NOT WALKING IN A MAKING A
COMMENT ABOUT ME GOING WHAT ARE
YOU DOING, GO OUTSIDE AND PARKED
MY CAR.
THAT IS RACIST AND HORRIBLE AND
WE WOULD SEE HIM ANYMORE BECAUSE
HE WOULD BE DESTROYED TO.
THEY’RE DOING IT LIVE ON TV IN
YOUR FACE AND NO ONE CAN
QUESTION THEM ON IT BECAUSE THEY
USE THAT BLANKET THE SAY
WHATEVER THEY WANT TO.
THERE IS RACISM BUT IT’S COMING
FROM THE LEFT ATTACKING OTHER
MINORITIES WHO HAVE A DIFFERENT
SET OF OPINIONS AND THAT IS TEN
TIMES WORSE THAN SOMEONE WHO
PUTS ACROSS OUTSIDE YOUR YARD IN
MY OPINION.
>> Greg: ANOTHER GREAT TURN AS
DIRTBAGS GET.
>> THAT’S NOT HER.
>> I DON’T KNOW WHO THAT UGLY
LADY IS.
>> Greg: INSTANT CLASSIC.
WHAT SHOULD -- IF PETER DOOCY,
WHAT HE SHOULD DO IF HE ASKS
JOHN PIERRE, AND MY RACIST, WHAT
SHOULD SHE SAY?
>> I DON’T THINK HE SHOULD ASK
HER IF HE’S A RACIST. I THINK THAT’S A QUESTION, CAN
I THINK THAT’S A QUESTION, CAN
YOU BE FAIR.
IT’S GONE SO CRAZY BECAUSE LIKE
YOU SAID THE WORD DOESN’T MEAN
ANYTHING ANYMORE BUT IT’S
OBVIOUSLY COMPLETELY UNSERIOUS
THROUGHOUT.
IF YOU LOOK AT KAMALA, I’M
STARTING TO GET JEALOUS OF
KAMALA.
IF I WANTED TO SIT AROUND AND
NOT WORK AND LAUGH AT STUPID
STUFF LIKE THAT, I WOULD HAVE TO
DO SO MANY WITH IT.
>> Greg: YOU MEAN THE DRUG AND
NOT THE DOG.
>> I MET THE DOG.
MOST PEOPLE GET TO DO NOTHING
AND SIT AROUND GIGGLING.
HE DESCRIBED EVERY STONER WHO
WORKS IN THE BACK OF THE KITCHEN
BUT SHE IS THE VICE PRESIDENT,
THAT IS THE DREAM -- REMEMBER
THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE
RETURN TO NORMAL, WE HAD THE
PRESIDENT GUY WHO DOESN’T KNOW
WHERE HE IS AND THEN WE HAVE THE
VICE PRESIDENT WHO JUST SITS
AROUND -- SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT
A JOKE IS AT LEAST.
>> SHE FIGURES IF SHE KEEPS
LAUGHING AT EVERYTHING IT WILL
MATCH A JOKE.
>> YEAH.
IT’S LIKE LAUGHING ON CRUISE
CONTROL.
>> Greg: THAT’S TRUE, NO FOOT
ON THE PEDAL THERE.
DO THEY MAKE THAT ANYMORE?
I DON’T KNOW, I’M TALKING TO
MYSELF BECAUSE WE MUST LEAVE FOR
A SHORT BREAK.
UP NEXT IT FEELS LIKE WE ARE