Church: Man, I am so excited for the start of Season 9, Sarge.
Sarge: Me too.
Church: And we're totally on easy street this year man.
We just, you know, have to stand around and talk like we usually do.
Let those other chumps handle all the action stuff.
Watch out for that falling rock, by the way,
Sarge: Thanks.
Church: Yeah , no problem.
Caboose: Yeah, I don't know.
I miss all the action sometimes.
Sarge: Uhh, did you just fall out of the sky?
Caboose: Yeah.
Church: Caboose, what action do you miss?
All we ever did was get our ass kicked by Tex.
Sarge: You weren't even in the action scenes last year, Caboose.
Caboose: Oh, I don't mean last season. I mean during the break.
Church: During the off-season?
Sarge: What were you doing?
Caboose: Oh, I was outside the base one day and a guy pulled up in a Warthog and told me to get in cause I was late.
So I got in.
And then he took me to this cool place and there was some stuff and then there was some other stuff.
Touch.
Hello.
And then I met some new people and they were nice and I was scared of them because they looked mean.
You look scary even though you are smiling.
Hello nice lady who is also a robot.
Church: Wait. Wait a second. Wait a second. Are you saying? Did you go into the campaign?
Caboose: Yeah. I don't know what that means so I am just going to nod and say yes.
Yes.
Sarge: Who told you, you could do that?
Caboose: Oh, the man in the car.
He just kept asking me, "Are you Six? You are Six, right?"
And I'm way older than 6. So, I said "Yes." Every time.
Church: That's not... He didn't...
He meant "Noble Six" dumbass.
Caboose: Yeah, he did seem pretty confused or maybe he was just confusing.
I forget which one.
Anyway, me and my new friends went on lots of adventures together.
Carter: Not gonna lie to you lieutenant.
You're stepping into some shoes the rest of this squad would rather leave unfilled.
Caboose: Is it because they stepped in gum?
I do that all the time.
Caboose: Yeah, we saw stuff on fire...
And some destroyed stuff...
And some stuff that was birds.
But mostly stuff on fire that was destroyed.
Church: What?!
Emile: Crevice to the east.
Caboose: Crust is made with yeast.
Emile: Let's go.
Caboose: Got it.
And then we rode on a roller coaster that was super fun and went really, really high.
Church: Because that was a spaceship!
Caboose: Raaaaa. Bleep. Sound effects.
Ahhhhhh shaking tiiiiiimmme.
Man, I can't wait to touch all these buttons.
Jorge: Don't touch any buttons.
Caboose: Touch.
Jorge: Cabooooose!
Church: Goodbye giant friend. Come back soon.
And then we met this lady who was old and mean, but she gave me a present so I liked her.
Halsey: Do you have it?
Caboose: No. You won't let go.
Halsey: Say the words please.
Caboose: The words please.
Jun: What?
Caboose: And then I met some other guys that were totally impressed.
Ah. Yeah that was super hard.
Don't try that.
ODST: You jumped over a sand dune.
It didn't look dangerous.
Caboose: Then how did I lose all my fingers?
ODST: What?
Caboose: Ah. Just kidding.
ODST: Fucking loser.
Caboose: De de dede. De dede.
De de de dede.
De. De de de dede. Ha!
De dede. De de dedede.
I just stepped in some gum.
Got to find some peanut butter.
And when my mission was all done they politely dropped me back off at home because they are my new best friends.
Jorge: Alright. Time for you to leave.
Caboose: Goodbye! Thank you for the ride!
You are my new best friends and I will never forget you!
You probably can't hear me though because everyone knows there is no oxygen on roller coasters.
I am yelling quieter now because I am further away from you!
And then I landed back here, home with my real best friends.
Church: Caboose. That was a crazy story, dude.
Caboose: I know. You have no idea.
Sarge: No. You have no idea.
Caboose: Right. Nobody has any idea.
Sarge: No son. You specifically, have no idea.