How do you get a guy to like you if you're more of the tomboy type?
What do you do if your husband or long-term partner rolls his eyes every time you try
to do some self care and look after yourself?
Should your boyfriend be allowed to stay friends with his ex?
And what do you do when your partner sitting on the couch next to you and tells you that
he wants to sleep with the girl on TV?
Welcome to Ask Mark number 31 it's great to have you on here.
We've got some really good questions this week and I've actually changed the main question
around and I'll explain why during the video.
Very quickly before we get started, a couple of points on the channel.
We've got the comments going, you know me, I've answered every comment on this channel
personally so far with maybe a handful of exceptions, but it is going to get to the
point and you've known this for a while.
It's going to get to the point with that.
Unfortunately, can't continue forever.
Otherwise I'm going to explode.
Uh, so we've got the mastercoaches coming online, which I spoke about in the last Ask
Mark video.
So keep an eye out for that in the next week or two.
But I will endeavor to go towards the end of this month.
So that's my goal.
So don't forget even until that time, I'm still going to be on here, you know, an hour
a night, every new video published.
So I'm still going to be there.
Mark ain't going anywhere.
Do not worry.
Another point we've got Clayton on next week, I'm going live.
Live with Clayton Olson, 9:00 PM Eastern, six Pacific on Tuesday night.
I nailed it.
I'm getting good at time zones.
Nailed it, that time next week.
Be online.
We have got Clayton Olson answering questions on dating guys with depression, determining
the difference between insecurity and trusting your gut.
Some really cool stuff that we're covering.
Let's get straight in.
Uh, have been a little off this week.
I spent a day and a half in bed, so I apologize if I'm a little slow.
But the first question is a really interesting one and it comes from Laura, and Laura writes,
Mark, what if masculinity is more prominent than femininity in some women who have difficulties
in being feminine in a masculine presence?
Because some women can be more low maintenance and tomboyish and other women like me for example.
What would your dating advice be for those types of women who are more tomboys and girly girls?
First Laura, it's important actually for you, it's important to know where this question
came from.
We did the video recently on how to build an exciting life that attracts men, and one
of those points was to look after your feminine side, take care of your feminine energy, and
there's another video coming out on this, so I think you're really going to enjoy.
It's the top 10 ways to take care of your feminine side and to nurture your feminine soul.
So it's a really cool video.
It took me a lot of planning to come out and I'm really excited to get it to you.
And in that video I'm going to talk all about nurturing this side of yourself.
Because you know, we spend so much time in our Western society in that kind of structured
logic, aggression, sort of planning masculine mindset that we forget and this includes us
men, we forget to nurture our feminine sides.
So that's going to be an excellent video on that.
And Laura has made a good point here.
Laura's made a good point because it's important to note that both men and women have masculine
and feminine.
Women tend to be more feminine.
Men tend to be more masculine, but we both have both.
For someone like myself, I've learned time and time again.
If I spend too much time in a masculine state and neglect my feminine side, I feel like
shit.
And Laura's made a good point here because there are women out there who will be more
comfortable spending more time or even in some cases the majority of their time in a
masculine state.
Now, the point I wanted to make to Laura, to you is that that was a self care video.
Self care is about you.
Self care is about what makes you happy.
So if you are happy restoring your feminine energy in classically more feminine ways,
creative pursuits, meditation, spending time with friends, then do that.
That's what makes you happy.
If you, if your self care and you feel better spending time in more masculine states, uh,
then do things, you know, go go car racing with your friends or, or do more structured
things, play chess and build a robot.
You know, me and my buddies will do business planning meetings together.
I love that.
I love, I just love it.
That restores me, right?
You've got to do what makes you happy and what feels good within your energy.
So Laura, if you do feel like you're more connected to your masculine side, then do
those things that restore your masculine side more.
In terms of your dating, when you're out meeting men, you've got to be, you've got to be yourself.
You've got to put that energy forward in the way that's comfortable for you.
You can't pretend to be this feminine, quote unquote girly girl if that's not you.
Now if you're more, if you spend more of your time and you're more connected to your masculine
side, then you might find that you connect with more feminine men.
That's just the way it goes.
Those men who spend more time in their feminine side are looking for someone like you, for
a woman with more, more masculine essence, and you guys would polarize each other nicely.
So Laura, be you, being your energy.
Look after your energy and this applies to you as well, is take care of the energy that
makes you feel good and you'll be able to get a sense.
You know, I can sense when I haven't spent enough time in my feminine energy and I can
certainly sense when I need to do kind of more planning and have more structure and
spend more time in my masculine side.
So get a sense of what's right for you.
Own yourself, be happy within yourself and then go and apply that in your dating when
you're meeting men.
Hope that answers your question, Laura.
Second question is from Miss M. Miss M and she says, I have a question Mark.
Uh, I am pretty well stuck in a looong term relationship, uh, because we have so many
children together.
But every time I try to take care of myself and put my needs first, he either sighs, eye
rolls, criticizes me and my choices.
I work so hard on improving myself, uh, every day even with such little support and totally
commend you for that.
Miss M. Why do you think he acts like this?
I think he cares for me when I'm so close to the situation, I find it difficult to discern
whether this is love or simply codependency.
A video idea perhaps?
Thanks Mark, fellow Aussie feeling super proud of your work here.
Thank you Miss M. Great to have a fellow Aussie on here.
I just want to pull you up on one thing at the beginning of your comment.
Uh, what did you say here?
Every uh, I'm pretty well stuck in a longterm relationship.
Miss M, you're never stuck anywhere.
Okay, I want to make that really clear.
Anytime you, this goes to you as well.
Anytime you are feeling like you can't do something about your situation and you're
telling yourself, I'm stuck here, I have no power, there's nothing I can do.
You're giving away your power to the situation.
Essentially, you're being a victim.
As long as you're a victim to the situation, you're always gonna feel like shit.
The more powerless you feel, the shitty gonna feel about it.
So you're never stuck anywhere.
Yes, you might not want to face the alternative solution, but just understand you are choosing
to stay.
That is your choice.
It's always within your control and your power.
Now, let's get onto the main question, which was why does he do it?
Look, Miss M, it's pretty similar to the mothering video.
The relationship's obviously been a similar way for a long time and have a look at the
mothering video.
If you haven't already, I'll put the link in the description if you haven't seen it.
Have a look at that video.
You know, when a woman mothers a man, and you know his clothes are getting done and
he's getting reminded of all his appointments and everything's taken care of and it's brilliant
for him, how do you think he feels if she stops doing that?
He's not so happy is he? He rolls his eyes.
He gets a bit critical like groans and mutters and stuff.
Look, the fact is Miss M, you deserve to look after yourself.
You deserve to be taken care of yourself.
Um, and mad respect cause it doesn't sound like you have a huge amount of support and
you're doing it anyway.
So invest in good psychology.
You know, watch this channel, watch other great channels, read books about self care
in, own that psychology because if you're stuck here kind of on an Island in your own
psychology, then you're going to buy into everyone that's around you.
You know, your husband and you and your family, which is kind of, will give you the message,
oh you give to us all the time.
Like you shouldn't be making time for yourself.
And if you've been living in that psychology for many, many years, then everyone's used
to it, right?
And you go, Oh, that's the way things should be, right?
Well, no, that's just the way you've gotten things.
That's the way your habits have formed.
That's the way things have gone.
So make sure that you are looking after yourself.
Make sure that you're setting those boundaries and yep he can roll his eyes, yep he can be
pissed off. That's okay. You still gotta take care of yourself.
Third question is from uh, Miss Mercy.
And this was actually supposed to be the main question of the video until I realized that
there's actually no enough details here to answer it, but I'll put it on anyway cause
it's, it's kind of interesting.
Um, Miss Mercy says, what do you do if he wants to keep a friendship with his long-term
ex seeing other talking on the phone and of course texting with her.
Um, even if he says he's strictly only wanting to be friends with her and is not willing
to give up the relationship.
I thought this was a great question to ask.
Answered when I first read it, obviously I was quite tired because there is nowhere near
enough details for me to answer this and to say, well, is this healthy?
Is he respecting the relationship?
Um, and how often is all this going on?
The first question I always ask when someone says, is it okay that he has, that he's friends
with his ex is I say, well, do you trust him?
Do you trust him?
And if the answer is yes, we go, okay, well then that's virtually, that's virtually all it matters.
Now, it's important at the same time to go, okay, am I not misleading myself by trusting
him here and am I also being respected in the relationship and Miss Mercy, I get the
vibe that maybe one or both of those could be being crossed here.
I'm assuming you trust your boyfriend, but from the frequency, regular talking on the
phone, texting, seeing each other, it sounds really frequent.
Um, is he disrespecting you?
Well, that comes down to every couple, but it sounds like maybe you're vibing that he
could be a, and the other thing to consider is his previous relationship.
Questions I'd want the answer to would be how long ago was his break up?
Did they have a no contact period and how long was he with her?
Very important questions.
If there hasn't been a no contact period, they were together a long time, um, bad news
for you.
Whereas if there was a no contact period, if they maybe weren't together for that long
and you know, maybe he's only calling her once a week texting or occasionally if there's
been that no contact period and the relationship was two years ago, well that's probably fine.
So details needed here, Miss Mercy, but some good concepts there for dealing with friends,
your boyfriend, being friends with an ex scenario.
A question is from Kim, the next one.
What about if we are watching TV together, friends question really thought provoking,
and he's checking out women and verbally says she's hot and he'd sleep with her.
How do I take that on?
As I look on with surprise and not say anything as I think he's looking for a bite.
Yeah.
Kim, I find this question really interesting.
I found it really interesting and it could be anything from something very innocent to
something more manipulative.
Um, it could be something as simple as, Hey, who's your free pass celebrity?
You know, we've all had that conversation in our relationships.
Oh, if you had a free pass, who would just sleep with, Oh, I'd totally sleep with Keira
Knightley, I'd totally sleep with Chris Hemsworth, whatever.
Right?
It's innocent.
What do you do?
You're confident.
You roll your eyes, you laugh.
Boys will be boys.
You get back to it.
Even the way he says it matters.
Oh, Scarlet Johansson.
Oh, I'd totally sleep with her.
Hey, so that girl there, I'd uh, I'd totally sleep with her.
Right? It totally depends on the delivery.
So it could be anything from something very innocent to something that you probably need
is a red flag you need to look into.
If it's innocent, you just give the eye roll response, have a laugh.
It's nothing.
If you're not sure or if it keeps happening, the response, okay, why are you telling me this?
Puts it back on him and gets him to explain his actions without reacting and kind of puts
the ball in his court and see what he responds with when you say something like that.
So yeah, it could be anywhere along that spectrum.
Um, and the last question is a bit of an interesting one.
Uh, Afrin, Afrin says, okay, so I like it guys, since 2012.
We never talk.
He's kind of my relative and we don't see each other much.
Okay.
I used to chat with him on Instagram, but he never recognized me.
One day he suddenly blocked me.
Perhaps I was disturbing him with texts, so I told a hacker to hack him for me.
But the hacker was fake.
He told him, the hacker told me that I wanted to hack him for me.
So I created another account, with my name and told him it was me, told him not to tell
anyone a bit.
You know what? I'm done with this.
Well that's it.
Thank you for watching.
We will be live with Clayton Olson from Clayton Olson Coaching next Tuesday night, Eastern,
six Pacific, and we will be discussing the topics of dating the guy with depression and
balancing out how do you define the balance between your insecurities versus going with
your gut instinct.
It's gonna be a really good conversation.
We're going live.
Now, do I absolutely die to be on time, there's always little funny technical things when
you go double stream live for the first time.
So if we are a few minutes late, I'm just giving you a heads up.
Don't run off.
I'll be there.
Thank you for watching, maybe thoughts, comments, questions, et cetera, all below and put them
in the comments.
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