Okay.
All right.
So here we are again.
This is Clay.
This is another video.
We're going to be talking about specifically raising your standards when it
comes to relationships and dating.
So,
this is building off of what we talked about last week or yesterday.
Rather.
I'm getting my words jumbled up,
but this building off of what we talked about yesterday,
which is that a lot of people are approaching the whole issue of relationships
and dating in the wrong way.
They're just sort of essentially going about their life,
and then just sort of stumbling into some sort of relationship and then they'll
fight to the death to try and make that relationship work without ever actually
stopping and saying,
hey,
is this really the relationship that I should be in?
Is this really a relationship that's actually good for me to be in?
And,
instead of just trying to make these relationships work,
although that we can definitely do that,
I want to really help people out there set themselves up from the beginning to
have great high quality relationships.
And so one of the things that you need to do in order to do that is to start
raising your standards when it comes to the kind of relationship that you're
going to have or the kind of people that you're going to be dating.
Okay.
And,
this is really not the way that most people unfortunately approach
relationships.
Right?
Like I said,
people just kind of drift through their life doing whatever,
and then they meet somebody and then they just cling on for dear life and hope
that relationship works out.
And I,
you know,
I totally get it.
You know,
it can be really hard to be single.
It can be difficult to want to be in a relationship with somebody.
And then when somebody comes along and they're,
um,
you know,
attractive,
then you just say,
hey,
yeah,
this is it.
I'm going to make it work.
But there should hopefully be a little bit more in your selection process for,
uh,
a partner or relationship than,
hey,
is this person attractive?
Um,
and you should have a certain criteria,
a certain set of criteria that you're looking for when it comes to a potential
partner.
And that's really what raising your standards is really all about.
So let's,
uh,
let's look at,
at what it takes to actually raise your standards a little bit more.
So first and foremost,
if you want to raise your standards,
you need to really start by loving yourself.
Self love.
I know a lot of people talk about self love these days.
It's a pretty,
you know,
in vogue to do that sort of thing.
Um,
but I think self love is a little bit misunderstood by a lot of people.
A lot of people will take the idea of self love and think that it means,
oh,
you just need to spoil yourself.
You just need to enjoy chocolates and bubble baths and a,
you know,
nice glasses of wine and stuff like that.
And sure,
that is definitely one aspect of self love.
A lot of people are just so used to beating down and depriving themselves that
sometimes it can actually be really nice to give yourself something pleasant in
your life.
But self love is about a whole lot more than just bubble baths and chocolates.
It's also about really loving yourself enough to make those hard choices.
Really loving yourself enough to step into discomfort,
to do something that might be for your own good but might be a little bit
uncomfortable such as leaving a relationship that's not really in your best
interest or leaving a job or a career that maybe isn't taking you where you want
to go or uh,
you know,
doing other things that might push you out of your comfort zone,
like loving yourself enough to get in shape or to start exercising or to start
eating healthier or whatever it might be.
That's one of the main things with self love and how this relates to raising
your standards is if you know the kind of person that you want to be with,
can you love yourself enough to not settle for less?
And this brings us into the second thing,
which is not settling for less.
So if you know what you want and you love yourself enough to actually allow
yourself to be open to getting that in your life,
such as a certain types of partners or certain type of relationship or something
like that,
are you willing to not settle for less?
So for example,
if you want to be in a relationship with somebody who's really committed to you,
then are you willing to settle for somebody who maybe cheats on you?
Maybe somebody who flirts with other people when you're not around,
or worse yet even does flirt with people when you are around.
This would be an example of settling for less.
And that's not an act of self love.
It's really saying like,
Hey,
I know that this is what I want,
but uh,
this is what I have right now.
And I really,
you know,
I shouldn't be picky.
I should just settle for this.
You know,
I mean,
this is the best that I can do.
Who am I to ask for something more?
Who am I to ask for somebody who's willing to commit to me.
And so self love compounded with not settling for less is definitely a great way
to go about doing all of this.
So you absolutely need to know what you want and to know what sort of standards
you're setting for yourself.
You want to know the kind of relationship with the kind of person that you want
to be in a relationship with and then you need to not settle for less.
And for a lot of people,
this can be difficult because you know,
we do end up meeting these people in our lives and you might end up dating,
somebody might end up even being in a relationship with somebody and a lot of
people want to stay in these relationships even though they're not in alignment
with their values,
even though they're not in alignment with what they truly want because they
think,
oh well it's better to be in any relationship than it is to be single.
Right.
If I can just be in a relationship,
even though it's not the best one,
I can just be in a relationship for now.
And then when the right person comes along later,
you know,
it's like see ya,
I'm out of here,
I'm gonna go date that person.
Right?
But it's not exactly that straight forward and simple because going back to our
example,
you know,
if you wanted to be in a relationship with somebody who is really committed to
really trusting of you,
not going to cheat on you or something like that,
would that person really want to be with you if you are in a relationship with
somebody else and you had to cheat on that somebody else in order to be with
them?
Probably not.
Right?
Probably not.
So you have to look at this as a two way street as well too.
Um,
and this brings us to the third point,
which is that in order to raise your standards,
you need to know what you want,
love yourself and not settle for less.
But then you also need to level up yourself as well too.
Because if you want to be with a higher caliber of person,
you want to make sure that you are bringing the best of yourself to
relationships or dating that other person so that person can look at you and
say,
Yep,
that is the person I want to be in a relationship with right there.
Right?
And so if you can love yourself enough to really maximize your own life,
you know,
by doing things like exercising,
eating healthy,
doing things that are meaningful to you for career or work,
doing things that are meaningful for you when it comes to your spare time,
your free time.
Um,
you know,
not putting up with certain types of behaviors that just don't suit you in your
personal life,
love life or just,
you know,
with your friends or other people that you may know in your life.
These are all great ways to start doing this.
And as you start doing this,
as you start doing these three things that you know,
self love and not settling for less and the actual like leveling yourself up,
you will notice that you start to raise the standards of the people that you
surround yourself with.
And you will notice that as you do this,
you'll start to be drawn to a different type of person when it comes to dating
and relationships.
And as this happens,
you'll suddenly lose interest in dating other types of people.
And this is something that I can say from personal experience.
After I got out of my relationship with my ex,
my,
you know,
big ex that I was in a relationship with for seven years.
Um,
I started to feel this like almost a magnetic pull towards being,
dating or you know,
the urge to be with a certain type of a woman.
And I quickly realized that this was a very familiar dynamic that was a very
similar dynamic to the one that I had with my ex where there was a lot of not
taking responsibility for your own emotions.
There was a lot of neediness.
There was a lot of weird emotional stuff.
And I could have just said,
oh,
this feels familiar.
This feels good.
Let me just go with this and just date this person.
But I didn't,
thankfully I did not.
And I realized that I needed to date a different type of person.
And at that particular point in time,
I didn't have the awareness to say,
oh,
I need to raise my standards.
But I realized that I needed to go after a different type of person when it came
to my love life and my relationships.
So,
as this happened,
I started to attract a different type of person to me because,
if you have this habit of constantly being drawn to certain types of people,
those certain types of people are also going to be drawn to you.
And as you start to change yourself,
you'll start to change the people that are attracted to you and you'll start to
change the people that you are attracted to yourself.
And as this happens an entire new world of dating possibilities will start to
open up in front of you.
Okay.
So if this is something that you want to learn a little bit more about,
I also want to remind you that we have our book Be Loved for Who You Are over
modernlove.life/book that's over modernlove.life/book.
You can go ahead and get the,
the Be Loved for Who You Are book for an astronomical $7 US.
You also get a free copy of another book I wrote called the Self Esteem
Solution,
both of which will work together to kind of help you with all of this raising
your standards in love and dating kind of stuff.
So it's definitely something you might want to check out anyway.
With that being said,
let's see if we have a couple of questions or comments.
I don't want to make this video too long,
but if we can have some interesting ones.
Um,
what if
self love is not the problem?
I don't know what the problem might be.
Let's see.
Somebody is asking my wife Mika,
who's in the comments here,
how the baby is,
I don't know how the baby is today because I'm at work,
but maybe Mika could answer that.
But overall she's a really nice baby.
She's very nice,
I don't know...
One of these days I should really bring her on one of these videos.
For a while I had this apprehension like,
oh,
should I put her on video?
Should I put her on social media or should I not do that?
And I think I'm okay with it.
It's really hard because when you're somebody my age,
you didn't grow up in this world with the Internet and social media and all of
that.
And now suddenly we have all of this stuff and it's like,
okay,
how do I go about integrating this into my child's life?
Like when's the right time to like give her a Facebook account?
When's the right time to give her a cell phone?
And like,
I don't know,
cause the first time I had a cell phone,
I was 22 years old,
21 or 22 years old.
But I don't think that most people wait that long these days.
Uh,
let's see if we have any other questions.
How do I get my ex to give me back my stuff?
If he keeps saying,
if he keeps canceling on me.
Well,
um,
if you don't want to get back together with your ex any longer then,
don't worry about the emotional connection.
Okay.
If you just want your stuff back then by all means do that.
If you need to get law enforcement involved and go ahead and do that,
just know that it's probably not going to create a positive emotional
connection.
So if you are no longer interested in getting back together,
then by all means burn any bridges necessary to get your stuff back.
If you aren't interested in getting back together,
it really depends on kind of where the emotional connection is at,
you know,
if he's like just not talking to you at all,
then that's something different than if he is talking to you,
but for some reason the handoff just doesn't seem to happen.
Let's see if we have any other questions.
Self love is being totally committed to yourself and your wellbeing and self
confidence comes from learning to trust yourself.
Yeah,
these are good comments guys.
Um,
okay.
So with that being said,
I'm just going to end this live stream,
but once again,
if you want to get that book,
it's over at modernlove.life/book modernlove.life/book.
Anyway,
I'll talk to you guys tomorrow with another one of these videos.
Please take care.