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- Hey there
Are you getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist
or you're dealing with them or managing them in some way.
And you wanna know how to outsmart them the right way.
In this video,
I'm gonna give you four ways to outsmart the narcissist.
So stay tuned.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung,
and I've been recognized as a top attorney,
I've written a couple of bestselling books.
And what I do right here on this channel
is I teach people how to effectively
and actually powerfully deal with narcissists
in a negotiation setting.
If that's you make sure you subscribe
and hit the notification bell
so that you don't miss one single tip or trick.
Okay, so you're dealing with a narcissist
and you're like,
what in the heck do I do?
Because you constantly feel like,
maybe you're like a turtle on your back,
and they've got their foot on the front on your belly,
right?
Because why?
Because narcissists are street fighters.
That's what they are.
If they were in a ring with you,
they would be pulling your hair,
biting you, pinching you,
kicking you in the groin.
That's what they do.
There's no bar that's too low except
the one that maybe they think might expose them
or something like that.
But a lot of times they mistake
even like going too far for that,
you know, people will respect them more in some way
or whatever.
So that's the problem that you're dealing with here.
I mean, a lot of times you are under the mistaken impression
that you're both looking for a resolution
and you're thinking in your mind,
because you're the reasonable person over there.
What is it that they want?
Let me just give it to them
so I can be out of this thing,
or we can walk away and I can have peace in my life
or maybe they won't be mad at me,
or maybe I won't unleash the fire in them.
You know, if I hang back,
if I don't ruffle feathers,
then it'll be better for me.
But how's that going for ya?
Let me just ask you that question.
How is that going for you?
Probably not so good.
You're probably still in hell.
They're probably still doing things
to try to make you miserable,
that are actually making you miserable,
that are causing drama, trauma and chaos.
Right?
So even hanging back and trying not to ruffle feathers,
that ain't working.
Okay?
So there is a way that you can do this.
You can fight back,
you can do it in a way that's super strategic,
but you have to be really, really smart about it.
Okay?
Because here's the thing,
they're always trying to trigger you,
they're always trying to goad you,
and they're expecting that by saying the right things,
pushing the right buttons,
jamming sticks into your weaknesses
that you're going to respond.
And once you respond,
then now we've go in here,
because now they're getting narcissistic supply
from that response.
And that's what they're addicted to,
they're addicted to narcissistic supply.
And if they're not gonna get it from you
in the form of your adulation,
and you doing things for them,
or making them look good in some way,
or there's some other value
that they're getting out of the situation,
then they're gonna get it.
They're gonna get it from you in a different way.
And how that's gonna look is intimidating you,
making you scared,
controlling you, goading you degrading you,
debasing you,
all of those things.
And they get supply from that as well.
And remember that they are supply whores.
I mean, they're gonna get it however they can get it.
And if there's any little bit to get out of it,
like scraping the bottom of the barrel,
they're still gonna be there looking for it,
whoring for it.
I mean, they'll dumpster dive for it.
No matter how bad they it gets,
they're gonna be there tryna get that supply out of you
as long as there's something to be had.
And they trigger you in all different sorts of ways,
including things that they say to you.
And if you wanna know more about
narcissist favorites sayings,
definitely check out my video on that.
But they expect you to be the victim,
they expect you to be a certain way
because they've probably conditioned you for awhile.
I mean, unless it's a business situation
then they can kind of smell that blood too
if you are hesitant in how you interact with them.
And the longer that they see that you're a victim
or feel it or smell it or sense it in any way,
the more they will continue to come back
and try to target every single weakness that you have.
It really will never end.
It's like Barney, that this is the song that never ends,
because as long as there's something to be had,
there you're gonna be there.
So and that's why it seems
like you can never get away from them,
that's why the fight never ends.
So how you outsmart them is not fighting back
with exactly what they do,
coming out and trying to one up them on degrading
or debasing or one of them on slinging mud,
that just gives them supply.
That's not the way to outsmart them.
That's the way to give them exactly
what it is that they want.
You're never gonna get anywhere with that,
ever, ever, ever.
So it's finding those ways to build
that invisible fence around them,
to eventually motivate and squeeze them,
using strategy, using leverage,
anticipating what they're going to do,
focusing on you and your position
that's my slay methodology.
And that's what works.
That's what's proven.
So if you don't wanna continue to give them
narcissistic supply,
then you gotta figure out a way to outsmart them.
So how do you outsmart them?
So number one.
Number one is stop feeling like you need to respond
to every single thing they say or do.
A lot of times you find yourself...
You get these long text messages or these long emails,
or they just say things to you
and you feel like you need to go through
and categorically respond to every single thing.
Oh, you think I'm a horrible mother?
Well, I just picked Johnny up from school today
and I helped him with his homework
and I took him to baseball,
and then I fed him dinner.
Like how does that make me a horrible mother?
But that's exactly what they want,
'cause now they have you.
Now there you are upset feeling defensive, right?
So how you can stop yourself,
especially if you get long texts or long emails
or those filled with vitreal things.
I want you to learn how to strategically respond
and tactically respond.
All you have to do is look through the email
or look through the texts and find the one thing
that you need to respond to.
Like what time are we meeting on Wednesday
or whatever it is,
and respond to that.
And that's the only thing you need to respond to.
As to the rest of it,
you can just say,
I'm in receipt of your correspondence
and I deny your allegations.
That's all you need to say.
You don't need to go through every single one
and prove yourself.
Because you know what?
You never will.
It's not like you're gonna get them to go,
Oh, geez! You're right.
You are a wonderful mother.
I mean, it's not gonna happen that way.
They're never going to go,
Oh, yeah.
You're not gonna convince them.
So where are you going with it?
Think about what your end goal is?
If it's to try to convince them,
you might as well go hit your head against the brick wall.
Ain't gonna happen.
But remember that every text
and every writing
and anything you put your hand to,
is a potential trial exhibit.
So you can just respond strategically,
respond to the things that you need to respond to.
And that's it.
So that's number one.
Number two, is disengage emotionally.
The more emotion that they can trigger in you,
the more they can goad you into being upset or angry or sad,
that gives them supply.
So the more you can pull back
and start to disengage emotionally,
and start almost looking at the situation
as if you're a bystander,
who's reporting the news,
the more you are now starting to outsmart them,
the less supply they are getting from you from you,
and from the situation.
All right?
Does this make sense?
If this makes sense,
I wanna see an outsmart them in the comments right now,
just go below and write out smart them,
because that is what you are doing.
All right?
So number three is use decoys to throw them off
the scent of what you really want,
especially in negotiations.
Because whatever it is that you really want,
if they sense that,
then that will become their personal mission
to make sure that you don't get it.
Okay?
So maybe act like you don't care about certain things,
that you really care about,
or that you care about certain things
that you wouldn't matter to you as much
if you got in the negotiations.
And that way at the end of the day,
when you're walking away,
if they think that they got you in some way,
no, they're none the wiser
and you actually were able to outsmart them.
Remember you're not going to win by like showing them
that you've won,
because as long as they think that,
then they're gonna keep going, keep going, keep going.
So outsmarting them is you winning,
and they think that they got something out of the situation.
And the last one is creating leverage.
And I've talked about this a lot of times.
Make sure that when you're creating leverage,
you're creating leverage within the context
of an overall strategy.
It's really, really important.
You have to decide when you're gonna use it,
how you're gonna use it,
where are you gonna use it,
all those things.
But you're basically as I said,
building that invisible fence
and you are ethically manipulating the manipulator
by threatening a source of supply.
That means more to them to keep,
than the supply that they get from making you miserable.
And if you wanna know more about that,
definitely check out my video on creating leverage
against narcissist for sure.
And if you are getting ready to negotiate with anyone,
but especially a narcissist in any setting,
business, personal, whatever it is,
make sure you grab my free
"Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet".
It's 15 pages.
It's basically an ebook.
It's totally free,
and all you have to do is go to www.winmynegotiation.com
to grab it.
And if you want to connect with others
who are also dealing with negotiating,
trying to manage narcissists,
come join me in My free private Facebook group,
Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung.
I'd love to see you in there as well.
And if you like this video,
give it a like,
give it a share,
drop me a comment,
tell me that you're gonna outsmart them.
Or what have you done to outsmart narcissists?
Would love to know that too.
And if you haven't subscribed to my channel,
now is a great time to do that.
Subscribe, hit the notification bell.
And just remember that today,
wherever you are,
it's never too late.
Today is your jumping off point,
today is where you turn it around,
today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
And I will see you in the next video.
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